Is Gay Friendship Possible? This is a question that's been floating around my mind over the past week or so. I think what seeded these thoughts was that I recently come out to my friend who is straight, he has expressed some basic acceptance and understanding about me being at peace with my sexual orientation, however I sense a degree of change in our friendship, understand this friendship has been around for 15 years and we have always been pretty solid. I'm not sure if the friendship can withstand this latest test? For fear of being lonely and friendless (we all need friends), I decided that I should make friends with people who share the same sexual orientation and have a better understanding and dare I say a higher spiritual intellect towards me and my sexuality. Sorry if that sounds arrogant or ignorant. For some reason thou, most of the people I have met, dare I say via Gay Chat Lines, only appear to be interested in one thing and that's sex... sort of like "wham bam thank you mam....", Don't get me wrong I love sex, however I want more, I want to go share a meal or have a drink or even go see a movie? I'm struggling to find resources that can help me meet people around my area, which is somewhat red neck. Am I chasing a pipe dream or is there such thing as gay friendship, we see great friendships within the straight community? Just throwing it out there :dry:
You need to look elsewhere. My best friend of 7 years is bi (although he's more gay than bi) granted the circumstance in which we met is very different than yours. We were classmates in secondary school. So there's definitely gay friendship (or just friendship). So don't lose hope. Maybe you should look for some hobby group that caters to LGBT people, or simply something you want to do. Don't just look for LGBT people to make friends but instead try to find those who are likely to be understanding and accepting. Hopefully someone will give you better advice.
You're looking for hamburgers at a hot dog stand, so to speak. Instead of hookup apps, sites, and chats, you're much better off with LGBT meet up groups, if your intent is to make friends without sex being the underlying point of it all. And to answer your question, of course it's possible for straight guys and gay guys to be perfectly fine friends. Granted, some of it may be a generational issue, honestly...
I'm wondering this myself. For a little while I was contemplating looking for an app of some kind, but I'm pretty sure it would be all sex and loneliness. I'm lonely, but I'm taken, and I don't want to put my boyfriend through me having a presence on some app largely used for hookups :/
It is possible. When I first came out I felt the same way - I needed some gay friends. So I did actually post an ad online. And it worked! I was very clear that I was looking to hang out and have a beer with other gay dads or people who could understand where I was coming from, and quite a few decent guys answered. One of them became a good friend. I spent a lot of time with him - going to movies and eating out. We'd hang out at his place. It felt good. And there was never any sexual tension - which was nice. So it is possible.
I just met a bi lady in my class today. When she mentioned her girlfriend I assumed she just meant friend like girls usually do. Not sure this was the kind of friend you meant though
I've got several gay friends, and sex has never entered into the equation at all. I know some gay guys who would look upon these friendships as "opportunities wasted" ("Why befriend gay guys you can't have sex with?"), but that's their interpretation rather than mine. Lex
One of my best friends and coincidentally my room mate is gay. We haven't ever had sex, or kissed, or made passes at one another. We are just friends and that is it. It is possible to have gay friends, but unfortunately, it is necessary to lay down 'ground rules' when establishing your friendship. It is a terrible fact that the gay community can be considered a 'meat market' and gay guys view other gay guys as something to be conquered, but not everyone is the same. There are a few of us out there that value friendships more than we do sex. If someone can't respect your ground rules, they don't respect you and no one needs a friend that doesn't respect them.
I have a few gay friends, none of which I ever slept with. In fact, I even spent the night in the same bed with one of them multiple times, without so much as a lewd joke about the situation coming up. Just guys sleeping over and sharing a bed because it's better than a mattress on the ground. Though the common thread with my gay friends is that I didn't meet them because they were gay. I met them doing things I liked doing, and it just so turned out that we were both gay. Since we met each other without sex on our minds, it was never hard to keep sex out of it. Of course, it does require a bit of openness even when among relative strangers, which might take some time getting comfortable with. I tend to think it's worth it, though.
pretty much a pipe dream. many people in this lifestyle see "friends" as people you've hooked up with that you're no longer hooking up with and now you can be friends because they get to know you AFTER they are done with you physically.
From my own experience I can tell you it is possible and rewarding.... and over the long term, too. Despite some of the cynicism expressed above, these are people I've never had sex or an amourous relationship with. Keep an open and optimistic mind to this possibility and you will be rewarded many times over.
I agree it's a pipe dream! I am 41 and have long given up the Idea of having a gay friend. They are just never interested in me period, so don't feel bad! June
