Not sure why I did not think of asking my EC friends earlier on this topic. Stood in divorce court last week and the judge approved it. There is a waiting period before it becomes final. Technically though not enforced, it is illegal to commit adultery in my state even with a legal separation. I have never cheated on my husband. He has been living with someone since June. I'm a little confused. I've had enough guilt in my life but 4 months is a long time.... Need my EC friends advice. Thanks (&&&)
In no way is this a legal opinion, but you state it is not enforced...why worry? Your husband doesn't seem to mind...and four months is a long time indeed. Divorce laws are, even in my province, quaintly archaic. The law prescribes a year-long waiting period to give the spouses time to possibly reconcile...what a joke! It's marriage that should be difficult to get into, divorce should be a lot easier.
It's marriage that should be difficult to get into, divorce should be a lot easier.[/QUOTE] - Ha! I agree. There is a Native American tradition in which the marriage blanket is split in half signifying the dissolution of a marriage.....Got a big green LL bean blanket and a pair of scissors! :roflmao::tears: I think part of my issue is that everyone (or at least in my head) assumes I cheated on my husband. I've always said I did not care that he publicly outed me to every one (except my family & best friends who I told at the end of last year/early spring) because he did not want people to think the divorce was his fault. Ok I'm admitting that it really hurt me deeply. Did I mention he brought his girlfriend to Divorce court & she sat next to him?. I also want to be a good role model for my son. I want him to treat who ever he chooses to be with when he's older with respect and honesty.
In the Jewish tradition one gets a "Get" which is a simple divorce ceremony. There is no waiting period. Granted, it sucks that only the man can grant a divorce (there are laws in the state of New York and throughout Canada however that will compel a Jewish man to grant his wife a Jewish divorce when they refuse to give the Get certificate, simply put she can't re-marry religiously without it). The final act of the Get ceremony is the tearing of the Ketuba which is the marriage contract. I actually made my own for the wedding, beautifully decorated plus I did the Hebrew calligraphy. I worked hours on that sucker, but believe me it will be the greatest moment in my life when I will deliciously and slowly tear that particular piece of paper apart into little, teeny, tiny pieces...:badgrin:...maybe I'll make bookmarks of whatever remains...
I don't think it's cheating if you're separated. It's very clear the marriage is over and, like greatwhale said, these laws are archaic. He's dating already so why shouldn't you? It's interesting that people are assuming you cheated on your husband, or that you assume they think that. My husband has asked me several times if I've cheated. I haven't. I think he knows that now but it bothers me and I hope people don't think that I did if we end up divorced. A part of me envy's your situation. You're out and can be yourself and can start dating! A part of me wants that deeply but I'm terrified of the road to get there. *sigh* It's a difficult journey. Don't let the fact that your divorce isn't final keep you from moving on. And I'm sorry he publicly outed you, that's really not cool.
Thanks Lindsey23. It's not that I care if people know. But he would always tell me who he ran into and explain to them why we were divorcing. And then when people told me they saw him w/this woman I that was very weird. My older neighbors wife said her husband described her as a "floozey". That was funny. As much as I want to date I think it would be unhealthy until I'm done sorting out all the emotions and crap from my marriage. I also think I need to focus on making sure my son is ok right now.Already so many changes in his life. Happy being able to breathe deeper & appreciate women w/o feeling guilty. And yes I flirted w/a butch meter maid who did not give me a ticket!
Take it at your own pace. Even when the divorce is legally final, you don't have to start dating immediately. My divorce will have been final for 2 years next month. It took me more than a year to come out to myself after that and finally now, as of late summer I guess you could say I'm dating. My first girlfriend came to visit me for a weekend. And I've become involved in some drama with another woman. She is not available, so that is not good but at least I'm out there. I've also joined a dating site and started chatting with a couple of women online. It took time to get used to new routines withy daughter after the separation & divorce as well. Don't put too much pressure on yourself.
