How has coming out made your life better/worse?

Hi there, and welcome to EC!

So when you talk about being uncomfortable when 'people' talk about relationships, what people are you talking about? The people you've come out to, or people you haven't come out to?

I know coming out can be awkward, but it can seem just as awkward to bring it up again and talk about it in terms of relationships or interests or the like. We still don't know how comfortable our friends and family are with the topic, and it's not something that we've gotten used to talking about either.

BUT - it's not going to get any easier - so you need to step out on the limb and bring up the conversation. It gets easier with time. In my case, I came out to my mom and dad that I was gay when I was 36 in October of that year. By March, the topic had never come up again! So I had to bring it up and ask them if they wanted to talk about it, and tell them that I did want to talk about it, because I was dating someone.

The more you do that, the easier it gets. Until yes - it does make your life better. You become comfortable in your own skin, and based on feedback from others you are validated that being gay is OK, and that you're entitled to be able to talk about your personal life (OR lack thereof) with your friends, family and coworkers. Just as much as they are entitled to talk about theirs.

Hope that helps. Again - welcome!

 

Easier and therefore better.

I think because I live in an accepting area. Overall, I just don't have to hide things and hiding things is hard.

 

Welcome to EC 2theEdge! Start discussing things here, once you become comfortable with the conversation here, it will become easier to broach in your RL. You're in a new reality now, you need to allow yourself the opportunity to acclimate to it.

Like anything else in life, the more you practice, the easier it gets!

I look forward to seeing you around the forum. :smilewave

 

I found that I am comfortable and very happy with being out except at work. I am fairly new to my job and have only recently found out that most of the people I work with are fairly liberal/open-minded (I work in agricultural science and genetics). I almost talked to one of the guys I work with when he asked what brought me out of fundamentalist Christianity. If anyone asks me about a husband/boyfriend/significant other, then I would probably say that "he" is actually a "she".

I look like a butch. Comments have been made that they cannot believe that I was ever a cheerleading coach, wore dresses, or that I was ever a fundy. Lol, they probably have me figured out already.

 

I am so much more happy than before. I also am less inclined to hide who I am and tell people exactly where they can get off at now. I feel more secure and happy.

 

I have stated in previous posts how I have felt about coming out, but I would like to share one aspect of my life that is better now that I'm out. It is essentially the friends and acquaintances I have made in my life since that cold February day last winter. I am not in any way discounting the deep friendships I have made here at EC, by the way.

Like a seeding crystal in a super-saturated solution (sorry I'm a chemist), just one connection has grown and crystalized to so many layers of friendships...I'm beginning to see what others have written about gay life: that it is complex, consisting of a multi-faceted network of connections, from sexual to emotional to "just friends" in a web of support and mutual understanding; it is all of these and yet so much more.

Not bad for 7 month's work...I'll be seeing one of these friends tonight.... :icon_wink

 

Coming out has made my life better by lifting the huge, suffocating weight of denial from my shoulders, but it also highlighted how much I had isolated myself from the world. Overcoming the isolation and loneliness has been a struggle — it's hard to be a "newbie" — but I'm persevering...

 

For me coming out has only made my life better. I'm still doing it a little bit at a time. One day at a time. It's strange to me when guys touch me in public. I'm passive though and I enjoy men who take the initiative. Assertive men turn me on. I don't care about looks much, though I prefer older, masculine, overweight, hairy men.

My experience with coming out has been the opposite of what I expected. I thought some men would dislike me and that women would be more accepting; however, I haven't had any negative reaction from men, only from women. I think some women will write you off since you are no longer a potential mate.

 

I came out to my parents and they were really supportive. It is great because I now have someone I can talk to/vent at when I need to talk about my sexuality. I feel like there are fewer barriers now and that makes me happy. My mum also helps me to find female clothes which fit me.

The best part about coming out is that I feel like I 'am allowed' to have a boyfriend or to behave in a way which defies my assigned gender. Little things as well like I say "Maybe I could find a girlfriend" and they say "or a boyfriend"... that makes me feel good.

However, I've only come out to my parents and I'm going to have to come out to more people in the future. That's so scary, especially when some people I know say homophobic/transphobic things instinctively without even thinking about them.

 

I can't think of a single way that coming out made my life worse.

Lex

 

I would agree with all that greatwhale said. As I've become increasingly true to myself, I've noticed that I have opened up more and made more and better friendships--because I now know the people in my life are there because they like being around me and appreciate me for who I really am. I also noticed that my life doesn't feel like one big burden...I feel more creative and inspired to do things that I otherwise would have been too depressed or scared to try. Also, the burden of not having to lie is wonderful. I hated being in the closet and having to lie and pretend to be someone I was not.

 

Coming out has made my life better because I'm no longer afraid of being "outed". I feel free to be the real me. Sure, some of my relatives want me to play being the old me but that's not going to happen. I'm sorry that they can't accept me the way I really am.

 

This, totally. I have spent years being afraid of what would happen if my wife found out that guys turned me on. Holding that secret in wore me out and made me miserable. Now she knows, and the world has not come to an end. I no longer have to spend my life on edge, worrying that she will find out, or having her use the implication that I'm gay as a stick to beat me with, because it provoked such a clear panicked reaction. I'm not out to a ton of people at this point for assorted reasons, but I also couldn't care less if anyone found out. I am more confident and relaxed and happy than I have been in years, and I am excited (and yes, a little scared of the unknown, I'll admit!) about what the future may bring. There may be a down side to this somewere, but so far I haven't bumped into it.

 

Coming out at 72 has revitalized me. It's given me a purpose for whatever years I have left. I've become an active part of a local GLBT support group, and I intend to serve as a positive example and mentor for those who walk the same path as mine.

I'm not only out. I'm aggressively out.

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