So last night I got up the courage to mention to a friend about my same sex attraction. (How I put it anyway) I'm not sure the motives behind my decision to tell him. Possibly to seek some acceptance or to test the waters so to speak to see what opinions would resonate out there if and when a final decision is ever made. Tho I was not totally rejected and receiving an " I understand" I did get the Adam and Eve vs Adam and Steve speach. We agreed to talk in depth at a later time. I was feeling somewhat positive at first with the outcome but just got me thinking... For those who have been married and decided to make the "switch" do you think society will even allow us to have the happiness we so deserve?
Hi bassmaster, First, congrats on telling someone! At least now you are not a prisoner to your private thoughts. Hopefully your friend will actually be a friend and follow through with that future talk. If not, find another friend. There has to be someone in your life, guy or girl, who won't judge. I have been 'out' for 3 years, and the biggest thing I've learned is that it ultimately does not matter who accepts you and who doesn't. Eventually you become confident enough in yourself that you can just amicably avoid the ones who give you (direct or indirect) attitude. If you do divorce your wife and come out on a larger scale, you will most likely end up with a circle of gay friends. You will retain the straight friends who love you no matter what, and connections will be lost with the ones who don't "understand" your new path. But that's okay! Your new friends will fit nicely in those spots that your old friends vacate. I know this all seems impossible, but if and when you do come out, it will eventually become a reality for you. Good luck.
I am going to direction to your question at the end, "do you think society will even allow us to have the happiness we so deserve?" and address that. Happiness is not something society dictates nor is it something anyone else has control over. Happiness is not a place or thing. Happiness is about letting go. Letting go of the societally constructed narratives of right and wrong, good and bad. Letting go of the internally constructed narratives of right and wrong, good and bad. Letting go of the false identities we construct in an attempt to fit in, wherein we change ourselves and allow shame to dominate our lives, versus belonging, where we recognize that we are already part of the whole, we are who we need to be, that everything is as it should be in this very moment. It is our searching for "Happiness" (usually a mentally constructed narrative based on scarcity mindset) that keeps us from seeing it. It is always present and can only be experienced in the present moment. So society does not permit happiness or really have anything to do with achieving happiness, it does however contribute quite a bit to the mental constructs that result in our choosing suffering instead of happiness.
Hi SeniorDiscount ... Thank you so much for expressing your thoughts. I will admit I tend to worry about what others think at times. It depends on the area of topic how much weight I give to their thoughts. I am slowly trying to improve in this area and having some success. The problem may stem from holding to high of standard for myself. Eventually it will all make sense I'm sure just like you said. Bipossible .. Thank you as well for comments. That was great!! I have read it several times. It certainly rings home for me. Maybe happiness was not the correct word to use but maybe acceptance would have been more appropriate. However your comments touched on that as well.
If I cared what society thought, and by society I can only include the people I know or who know me, I suppose I could return to the closet...although I would feel so small that I could easily crawl in under the door... Acceptance is the other person's problem, frankly. They could make trouble for me, but so what? Most people are mostly concerned with their own issues, it's hard to sustain hate, this too shall pass, etc., etc... I cannot make myself happy, happiness is directly related to the word "happens" or "happenstance", it comes on its own and leaves just as easily, all I can do is make it comfortable when it decides to visit, and maybe ask that it stay the night...:icon_wink I am on my own now, I have claimed my right to be who I am, and I am gay. I will therefore live the consequences of my own acceptance and leave acceptance by others, to others.
U are exactly right greatwhale... Acceptance is their problem. Kinda like saying if you don't like me ... It's your loss. (Your... Not referring to you. Lol!! ) sometimes we get entangled in our own thought we need others to remind us. Thank you!!!
Your happiness is not something that society gives you. Its something you give to yourself by being true to yourself. By living a life of integrity. Forget people who try to shame you by saying ridiculous cliched things such as adam and steve. These people are ignorant and misinformed. If someone said that to me I would laugh in their face because besides the fact that they are using the bible as a way of justifying their own prejudice its just such an absolutely ludicrous idea. Do you really want people as friends who do not accept who you really are but instead will only love you conditionally? As long as you wear a mask and fit into their narrow belief system and dont rock the boat? Personally those are the kind of relationships I don't need. Find the strength and courage to create the life you want and surround yourself with loving supportive people instead. There are plenty out here. PS - i am as happy as the next person straight or gay. I am in a wonderful long term relationship with my partner of 15 years. If I could take a pill to be straight I wouldn't. I love being gay. I see it as a blessing.
Funny ending on this, GW. People go on and on about how one is responsible for their own happiness and how it can be achieved. That's what motivational speakers want you to believe and people will pay dearly to hear that "feel good" message. One can choose and endeavor to be the happiest they can be with their own set of circumstances. Like you said, what sort of just happens, and may be completely beyond our control, can affect that. Therefore, if someone is about 85% to 90% happy, that sort of rounds up to 100% when compared to the deck of cards some people have been handed. So, the answer is both yes and no. This is the ultimate mixed bag.
While I agree acceptance from society is not needed for happiness a community is. Sharing our life with others is where happiness really comes from. Having a close network of friends and hopefully family to experience the good and bad times is what will lead to happiness. If you don't have it you may have to build it... or rebuild it. When I look at when I have been truly happy its been when I've felt truly connected to the ones around me. Hence out motivations to live authentic lives. Sounds like you are on your way. I hope to be right behind you.
Thank you all for your comments. I suppose what I was meaning was what closetedfather touched on. Having a close network or friends and family is what leads to allot of our happiness. We are "built" with the desire to have connections with one another. I think if that part is lost then so shall we be lost. It can be easy for people to feel like the world is against them. So when I said will society ever let us be happy, that is along the lines of what I was getting at.
Is happiness really ever possible? God, I hope so, if not just give me the gun and i'll put myself out of my misery. I believe it is though, but then again, i'm still waiting for it myself. I hope my happiness is 5'6, nice shape, shinny brown hair and beautiful big green eyes...and full lips of course lol.
