So... I have a date next week with a woman I met online on a dating website. I have a small child with a man, my exhusband. I'm self conscious about being newly out. Do I tell her? I feel like it's the elephant in the room until I tell her. Since I came out this summer, I've been with my first girlfriend (whom I had not seen in 15 years) and I've had a dalliance with my former coworker. Both of them know me and know about the whole exhusband, straight identified for 14 years thing that I did. Should I talk to this date about it? I feel like it's likely to come up with regard to my daughter at least.
Hi, HopeFloats. Good luck on your date! As Amity said, I would not volunteer that information. This may just be a casual thing. However, if you are directly asked about your past relationships, I would go ahead and come clean. Any misrepresentation will come back to haunt you in the future. I've learned that one the hard way! Let us know how the date goes.
Hope, I agree with the others: be yourself and be honest. You don't owe your date anything but the truth...but only the truth about what's asked about. Believe it: there'll be plenty of truths she won't be volunteering as well. Very much luck to you!
It doesn't matter if you are gay or straight. First dates are nerve wracking and exciting. The only advice I have is be yourself. She will want to know about you-- that's what first dates are for getting to know a little about one another. You don't need to get into the gritty details, but you most definitely should not be ashamed that you have a daughter and were married. Your family will always be your family. She won't think it's a big deal if you don't. Have fun!
As a mom, I can't possibly imagine a way in which I could allow someone to "get to know me" in conversation and NOT have my kids come up in some way, and to consciously try to keep them from coming up just seems like it would be a lot of hard work. I would be nervous about how to phrase things and what subjects to bring up or steer clear of and would probably end up coming off as evasive or like I'm hiding something. I think Lovetoski is right, first dates are nerve wracking enough, why compound the issue? Be yourself and if your daughter should happen to come up, let her, but I also don't think you need to lay your past out on the table like a disclaimer. Let the conversation flow naturally and just see where it goes. I'm sure you want to get to know what this woman is really like, determine if you're truly compatible and hope that she'll just be herself. And you'll also want to determine if she could like you for who you really are. Your past - and present in terms of your daughter - while they don't define who you, are certainly an integral part of you.
