Ever since I came out to my GF Saturday night I have had this constant it urge to talk to her about it. I know she needs time to process it but now that I am finally out to someone I want just feel this need to get it all out. I know its not healthy for our relationship so I have just been checking in with her daily to see where she is at and answer her questions and what not. Anyone else had a similar experience? I need a gay friend. I thought about coming out to my close friend but he's homophobic lite so i don't think that would be helpful. My GF is too supportive.... guess thats not a bad problem to have.
(*hug*) Hi - It's really hard not having in person support. That's why I hang out here so much. I live in a gay friendly city. There are gay moms on my sons sports team but I don't have a "community" or a local gay friend to talk to. No chance to fall apart and get it all out. Except here You can "talk" here! Write as much & as often as you need too! Not the same but its a start!
It really makes a HUGE difference. I came out to a couple of co-workers long before I told my wife, and I probably bored the hell out of them babbling on and on about feelings they came to terms with 30 years earlier! Writing things down isn't the greatest substitute for face-to-face communication, but we're all here for you--have at it!
Have you tried PFLAG? You may find a supportive person there. You could also try coming to chat here in the evenings. That's a more direct way to talk with people on EC.
What Rose has said is really true, we all have felt that urge, after coming out, to talk about it. With most straight people it can be a bit much, they just don't identify and I was constantly wondering whether I was boring them to tears. Slowly, I am building a network of gay friends and it is truly an awesome thing because we talk about our common experience, and check out the cute guys as we just walk around.
I understand the need to talk about it, it is such a relief to tell someone and you need to get your feelings out. Understand though that even though she is supportive this is a difficult thing for her to deal with. When I came out to my husband I would sometimes talk about the issues I was having and I soon realized it wasn't appropriate. Because my issues directly hurt him. I finally told my therapist and that has been helpful. I'm with you though, I need a gay friend. Someone who truly understands.
Like we both said before about local support groups for us would have been nice. Like the ones in the city. There is alot of support here and great advice but still something missing. Still feel alone.
I share your frustration. If you find a good outlet, please let me know. Every local group I've found appears to be entirely gay men, and while I love my brothers, it would be really nice to have someone that could completely relate!
Ohmygoodness, yes. It's all I want to talk about. I did find and decide early on that my husband was not the person to process with. It's not fair to him and I was still holding back. We talk openly about it but not the questions and constant thoughts I have. I did call some ppl and found some great local support. That was amazing. Too bad we can't swap numbers and talk about all our stuff. We would all be able to word vomit all this stuff to each other.
MaybeJory -I "word vomit" to my Therapist every week. From the woman tattooed on her left arm when she wears short sleeves fairly certain she's lesbian. Ha! I always say no when she mentions a lesbian support group.... I'm just too wimpy to go... I do chat w/lots of people when I'm out and I'm totally out so not worried about that. It's just a bit scary....maybe I'll ask next appt. I did get invited to roller derby....by a strait friend.
Thank you all for your input. Sound like I hit a chord. I was hoping to go to a local GAMMA meeting(gay and married mens association) on Fri. but my GF is going out of town on a retreat and I will be have my son for the evening. Grandparents are watching him on Sat. so its pretty much too much to ask them. It takes alot not to talk to my GF about it whenever I see her but I do know better than that. Its just not appropriate. Its awfully nice not to have to close out EC when she enters the room though. A therapist would be a great idea but there is just no money for that right now. I will check out PFLAG and see if there anything they offer. I live in the suburbs of DC and Balt. but not much of a gay community here. You have to travel the 40mins. to either one which is hard when you have your own business and a young child. So I don't know if it is the need to talk to another person or the momentum of coming out to my GF but I have the urge to go tell other friends although I don't think I am ready for that as I have enough to deal with.
I totally understand the wanting to tell others. I'm so tired of hiding that you just want to scream it sometimes. I know that would probably send me into some kind of downward spiral. I think you already answered you own dilemma there.
I just want to tell everyone, too. I won't and that's not really going to help me but I just wish I could talk openly with anyone.
Same. Same same same. How does one say, at 39, " hey! Hi! Guess what I'm gay now and I really need a friend?" Maybe I'll have wacko tattoos on my forehead instead.
I did say that. I have the advantage of living in a very new place so I don't have history with very many people here. I called the one gay chick I knew here and word vomited and cried and I didn't know her well at all. We were friendly acquaintances. Before that we'd never talked on the phone. She and her partner have taken me on so to speak. They invited me to meet their friends and spend the weekend with them. They did tell me that I'm "interesting" because they've never met anyone in my situation. While they are really helping me in ways I could have never asked for, I also don't want to wear them out with all my processing. It was awkward to put myself out there like that. And risky. I didn't know how she'd respond. All I knew was I liked her and knew she was trustworthy. But even if the only out come was being able to be open with one more person, it was worth it.
