*roblems ahoy!

I've been out of the closet for five years now, and it still feels like I came out only yesterday. That said, dealing with being gay has gotten easier, but life really hasn't.

I haven't approached anyone romantically (or sexually) for over two years because my professional life has kind of hit a brick wall and I've had to move back in with my parents, and I had been two embarrassed to try and date with that mess over my head. I kind of shut myself off from the world socially and only recently have been trying to crawl back out at least with trying to make friends.

Now that I have, I've made friends with a couple different guys who have dropped vague hints to definitive statements about wanting to date me. One is a bisexual guy whose company I really enjoy, but his own confusion about his sexuality drives me crazy. This being he knows that he's bi, but he's not sure if he should be attracted to me because I'm a bigger guy, and he's not sure how far he wants to go based on an attraction to fat dudes. This one I've mostly resolved by only approaching him as a friend other than one night, but still whenever we hang out that air of maybe friends maybe more always seems to be there. I could see this being a serious relationship, but I could also see this guy being a great friend for the rest of my life if I just leave it where it is. Besides I really don't know how much I want to date someone who on one hand has told me numerous times how sexy he thinks I am, and on the other has also told me numerous times that he thinks he's weird for being attracted to big guys and would rather just avoid it and date girls.

The other guy I've met is sweet, kind and makes no bones about his physical attraction to me. The problem there is that he's also in the closet, and he's 17 years old. I won't go into overly long details, but I wasn't trolling for underage booty, I just decided that I didn't have any real friends in this area after moving across the country and started trying to socialize me which meant going online and basically meeting people seeing if they wanted to grab coffee or catch a movie and hang out. He and I talked and he seemed like a nice guy so I met him for coffee, where he revealed to me that he had just turned 17. I figured no harm no foul I just wanted to be friends anyway so we hang out and grab lunch or coffee once in a while and talk. Overall it's nice. Of course then he asked me to be his boyfriend. I brushed it off as a joke, and he accepted that but has been fairly persistent about his attraction to me. Unfortunately, I would also be lying if I said I didn't find him attractive (which is confusing as hell for me because I'm rarely attracted to anyone under 30, and the youngest person I've ever dated was 24 when I was 27). After some pressure from him I kind of caved and made out with him, and honestly it was kind of amazing I haven't had a kiss with that kind of chemistry in years (not since the guy I was pretty madly in love with a few years ago). Unfortunately after the light and bubbly feeling wore off I remembered that he was 17 and I'm 30, and I've been kind of avoiding seeing him in person again. The thing is even writing this I have to concede that I would love to kiss him again and go beyond that, and I kind of feel like a monster for feeling that way.

Then there's the online guy, but he's kind of a subject for another post.

Anyway, enough of my bitching and moaning about all that. If anyone has any suggestions or advice I'm open to anything about how to approach this stuff.

Edit: By the way I have no idea how the title of this thread ended up this way I'm pretty sure I wrote Problems ahoy! But I guess it's late.

 

Yeah, there's a reason I've been avoiding contact with the guy. Anyway, I have enough self control not to let it go further, but still frustrating to find someone who I have chemistry with, and then realize that it is both horrendously wrong and makes me a creep for even feeling that there is chemistry.