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How do I ?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by pennydreadful, Oct 10, 2013.

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  1. pennydreadful

    pennydreadful
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    Hey guys .



    Firstly I am so happy I found this site it makes me smile.


    I don't know if this belongs here I am 30 . I am transgender mtf. I am also married to some one who is extremely anti LGBT and I am so scared to say anything to her.

    ok a little back round


    Growing up I always played with my sisters toys , always wanted to wear her clothing . I just wanted to wake up one morning and be a girl . Told my dad this once and he laughed than the next day signed me up for the boy scots . I hated it . all my life I have been forced to be the man , be the perfect son , the perfect brother so on and so forth. I wore the mask for so long I fooled my self into believing this is what I wanted as well.

    It was a trip to vegas that my life changed a little I met a wonderful woman and we clicked I love my love , and two year later we were married . I moved away from my family to where I am now and I thought I was happy enough . I am the cook in the house I make clothing , and clean house . She teases me I am a better woman than she is and deep down that made soul so happy .

    just in my time here I had gotten so low to the point that I was ready to end my life . I tryed twice and one day I for what ever reason picked up the book it gets better by Dan savage and in that book I found the term for some thing that I thought was only happening to me . Transgender . I quickly read everything I could find about the subject and oh I felt a weight fall off my soul.

    I want more than anything to have my outside's and inside match. Just I know my wife is going to I don't know . and I know my family will not understand . I know I need to say something , I want this more than anything I just dong know what to do . :help:

    thanks for reading
     
    #1 pennydreadful, Oct 10, 2013
  2. Rose27

    Rose27 Guest

    (*hug*) Welcome to EC! I don't know a lot about transgender issues but there are lots of awesome folks here who do!
     
    #2 Rose27, Oct 10, 2013
  3. greatwhale

    greatwhale
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    Welcome to EC, pennydreadful!

    I wish you continued success in this next step on your adventure to becoming who you are.
     
    #3 greatwhale, Oct 10, 2013
  4. Lovetoski

    Lovetoski Guest

    Pennydreadful what a story you have. I have a son who is 9 and he always used to come home and wear "girl clothes". He stopped for a while and then I walked in on him in his sisters dress. He was scared and sad. I cannot lie-- I was shocked. I told him I didn't care what he wore on the outside. I loved all of him bc I loved the inside stuff more than I could say. I will never understand it-- despite the fact that I hid my own homosexuality for years, but in the end... For the ones you love and love you-- I swear it does not matter. If I read this I would think I'm full of crap-- but I swear it's true. I'm a 39 the old woman married for 16 yrs who now is in love with a woman ( I am in the process of divorce mediation)---oh and btw I think my 9 year old genius gorgeous funny wonderful son is either gThis is wonderful! Thank you (two) again!ay or transgender. I sound like an afterschool special-- anyone remember those? Best to you. I am certain you are loved. ❤️

    ---------- Post added 10th Oct 2013 at 04:32 PM ----------

    I think my 9 year old genius gorgeous funny wonderful son is either gay or transgender. -- sorry insert. No idea how that happened.
     
    #4 Lovetoski, Oct 10, 2013
  5. Rose27

    Rose27 Guest

    Lovestoski- Beautiful. almost cried. Your son will be more confident growing up & into whoever he (or she) wants to be. Not only with your love & support but with your example of you being proud of who you are. (*hug*)
     
    #5 Rose27, Oct 10, 2013
  6. Lindsey23

    Lindsey23
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    Lovetoski, thank you for sharing your story. You've given me the courage to share something I've never told anyone. I also have a son I think may be gay or transgender. When he was 4 he walked up to his dad and very matter of factly said, "Right now I am a boy but someday I will be a girl." We were both a bit shocked and his dad said, "No, you are a boy and always will be," Our son looked genuinely confused. I was deeply in the closet myself at the time and, regretfully, I quickly agreed with his dad. I know I need to educate myself about transgender issues, it's something I'm only beginning to understand. But I love my son no matter what. If he one day tells me he is transgender I will accept that.

    Pennydreadful, it may be difficult for your family to accept, and it may take them time to come around but on the other hand they may look back and say, "You know...this does explain a few things." I wish you the best. (*hug*)
     
    #6 Lindsey23, Oct 11, 2013
  7. pennydreadful

    pennydreadful
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    Lovetoski that made me cry you are a wonderful mother ^.^ and for the record I love after school specials

    I have started to hint to my family that I am trans to the point that my brother has asked me and I told him the truth he was ok with my and even said the name Penny suits me . I also told my wife and we have not spoken since . It went better than I thought . now just to let others in oi
     
    #7 pennydreadful, Oct 11, 2013
  8. Lovetoski

    Lovetoski Guest

    I agree with your brother. Drop the dreadful. Xx
     
    #8 Lovetoski, Oct 12, 2013
  9. Rose27

    Rose27 Guest

    (*hug*)(*hug*) Your very brave! I'm proud of you!
     
    #9 Rose27, Oct 12, 2013
  10. pennydreadful

    pennydreadful
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    The dreadful in my name is my passion . I collect the old penny dreadful books . ^.^


    A small update my sister is disowning me . she has told me I am not family any more . honestly I knew this would happen but ok two down just need to tell mom . she does not need to be in th dark . I am going to visit her in dec I just how do you tell your parents ? well parent .
     
    #10 pennydreadful, Oct 15, 2013
  11. Choirboy

    Choirboy
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    I got the "penny dreadful" reference! You must be from the UK? I don't know that a lot of us in the US would recognize it.
     
    #11 Choirboy, Oct 15, 2013
  12. pennydreadful

    pennydreadful
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    I was born in California and lived there most of my life I spent time in the Le Cordon Bleu in London and a friend got me hooked on them lol
     
    #12 pennydreadful, Oct 15, 2013
  13. pennydreadful

    pennydreadful
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    I got into a shouting match tonight with my I guess she is my future ex wife . she called me useless , a burden I should end my F** life and save the world the trouble . I am just feeling like I should take her up on it. just dam I just she is supposed to love me and now she talks about how she is going to cheat . I'm just sorry to whine ...
     
    #13 pennydreadful, Oct 21, 2013
  14. Rose27

    Rose27 Guest

    (*hug*)(*hug*) What kind of human being tells another one to take thier own life? Please please please Do NOT listen to her. If I had listened to very similar words growing up I would not be here on EC. I made it. I'm here-A messy work-in-progress but I'm here! (*hug*)

    ---------- Post added 21st Oct 2013 at 09:46 PM ----------

    (&&&)And pennydreadful ya better check in so we know your ok!!! We will worry.(&&&)
     
    #14 Rose27, Oct 21, 2013
  15. lovely lesbian

    lovely lesbian
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    Hello welcome x
     
    #15 lovely lesbian, Oct 22, 2013
  16. greatwhale

    greatwhale
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    I'm with Rose on this, NO ONE has the right to tell you that!

    Please let us know you're OK!
     
    #16 greatwhale, Oct 22, 2013
  17. Rose27

    Rose27 Guest

    Good Morning Pennydreadful! Wasn't kidding about worrying!!! Please check in! (*hug*)
     
    #17 Rose27, Oct 22, 2013
  18. pennydreadful

    pennydreadful
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    I am checking in Rose . I spent the night thinking about life weighing the pro's and cons and watching Disney movies very sleepy but alive .
     
    #18 pennydreadful, Oct 22, 2013
  19. Rose27

    Rose27 Guest

    Thank you Pennyd.-
    I know things suck right now & the pain seems unbearable .ALWAYS choose life! it will get better! Speaking from experience.
    Life can be a fucked up wild ride sometimes but its worth staying on. (*hug*)
    (&&&)(&&&)(&&&)
     
    #19 Rose27, Oct 22, 2013
  20. OneSpirit

    OneSpirit
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    Penny dreadful-
    I am inspired by your courage. So many of us here, including myself, are struggling to be true to ourselves and have the courage to do so even on the days it is so difficult. Thank you for sharing your story and updates, hang in there - you are doing great and are making a difference- you have given me a sense of encouragement and hope today.
    Thank you~
    If you need something to hold on to, come here. We will listen.
     
    #20 OneSpirit, Oct 22, 2013
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