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I came out to my wife today

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Spaceman, Oct 12, 2013.

  1. Spaceman

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    After months of agonizing, I came out to my wife today. There were plenty of tears for both of us and it's all still very raw. My heart and head are aching and my body is drained, but I'm not feeling numb. It's the most emotion I've felt in as long as I can remember.

    In those first hours, we took turns comforting each other as the enormity of it all sank in. I wasn't expecting any compassion, but she gave it to me when I needed it most. She really is a wonderful woman, which makes this all the more traumatic.

    I thought I'd be sleeping in a hotel tonight but I'm in the spare bedroom. Neither of us knows what tomorrow will bring, but today we promised to navigate it together and to do whatever it takes to shield our kids from any ugliness.

    I can't say I'm feeling it now, but I still believe I did right thing for both of us in the long run. A big thanks to my EC friends for your encouragement and support.
     
  2. Tex

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    You are incredibly brave sir, and I wish you luck with everything. Hopefully she can be an ally for you if that's something you would like.

    Good luck =)
     
  3. palimpsest

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    Spaceman, congratulations on loving yourself and your wife enough to say what needed to be said. I hope that you can continue working with her, tomorrow, and thereafter, navigating what to do next for the well being of your entire family.

    It is possible. It can be done.
     
  4. MJM09

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    First of all, congratulations.

    You're lucky to have such an understanding wife. Not everyone is met with as positive of a response as you have been.

    By the sound of it, you'll be able to work everything out. Good luck for the future, may it bring peace and happiness for your new found self. Be proud.
     
  5. RainbowMan

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    Congrats, I think that went VERY well. You should be able to work everything out and have things work out favorably with the kids too.
     
  6. greatwhale

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    Congratulations Spaceman!

    You're a braver man than me, and you're blessed with a wife who is willing to understand, no matter how hard it must be.

    It's been said that when a door closes, a window opens...it's important to remember to look out that window in these challenging times and to discern the horizon of a brighter future for all concerned.
     
  7. Dragonbait

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    Hey there Spaceman, how ya doin'? You took the giant leap! Congrats. That takes guts.

    Congrats on reaching an accord on your kids so swiftly too. Your kids must have two very special, dedicated parents. Just recognize that you may not always be able to shield them from "any ugliness", especially from outside forces, but if you both maintain that dedication and pay close attention and give them what they need, they'll be okay. They'll learn and grow and know that they are loved.

    Good luck! (*hug*)
     
  8. SilentCreatures

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    I hope this is the start for both of you. Something new and exciting and free :slight_smile:

    Immense courage to do what you did. I wish you all the very best.
     
  9. MaybeJory

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    I know what you mean about this all being more traumatizing because of how great your wife is responding. My husband is a good man. It's very hard to leave a good man, even if it is the right thing to do.

    My suggestion is to go slow. You've been living like this a long time. You can continue for a short while to catch your breath and make wise decisions. Nothing has to happen today or this week. Remember, it takes a long time to get married. Ending a marriage, especially ending it well, is an equally complicated journey.
     
  10. lostyrs77

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    Congratulations. I'm glad to hear it's going good. Hopefully it will continue and it sounds like it will.
     
  11. GirlWhoWaited

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    Wow. It sounds like your wife is a really good person. I'm so happy for you that she's compassionate, and I'm impressed with your courage. I don't know how I would handle that situation. I was shaking like a leaf when I told my best high school friend...and he lives on the other side of the country. You've got guts, man. :slight_smile:
     
  12. DesertTortoise

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  13. drs

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    Congratulations! Hope that everything continues to go well for you! Having just came out to my absolutely wonderfully supportive wife a couple of months ago, I'll say that it hasn't all been roses - some days are tougher than others. But, overall, it's been a good experience, and absolutely the right decision.
     
  14. ClosetedFather

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    Congratulations, I'm one week in.... or out if you will. Its such a big step. Good job. I am really glad your wife has been supportive so far.
     
  15. bigeagle

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    Spaceman, congratulations, I hope this release of emotions brings you some peace. I recently went through the same (telling my wife) and have received amazing support and understanding. I am confused about my sexuality and have not had any sexual contact or thoughts about guys. It's very unsettling but I realise this is a process of exploration.
     
  16. sagebrush

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    Congratulations, peace, and best wishes to you.
     
  17. BiDad3

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    Well done Spaceman! What a life changing moment!

    I came out to my wife 3 months ago and she has been unbelievable. But I will offer you this piece of advice: go see a therapist that is objective and can support you during this period (and get your wife to see one too). Even though your wife loves and supports you, she has to think of herself first and go through all the stages of "grieving". She will be sad at times, angry at times and probably at present in a bit of denial. This is all normal.

    There will be some dark times ahead, but you will emerge so renewed and strengthened by these difficult times. I wish you all the best.
     
  18. Choirboy

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    Congratulations....and welcome to the wave pool. I've just hit the 6 week mark since the Big Reveal, and I've dealt with a very confused bunch of emotions from my wife, some positive and accepting, and some negative and damning. But then, I could have probably gotten the same variation of emotions from her if I had told her that I was changing jobs, discovered I was adopted, or bought a new brand of underwear, so really, things have not changed all that much. This biggest change is how I feel and how you will come to feel--namely, that your biggest secret is now out to the person who you were most afraid of discovering it. Which means that you have faced your biggest fear, and won the staredown. Good job!