Loving Life

That made my day, thanks!

 

Tyler 1-Happy for you!!!

 

Tyler, it seems like your posting this today is an incredibly fortuitous event. I don't know if it was just me, but I was feeling like we really needed some good news on this forum right now, and just as I thought it, you posted it.

Thank you so much for sharing, it's really nice to get a glimpse of what life is like out the other side of the rabbit hole!

(*hug*)

 

Tyler1
Oh yes yes yes!

Me too! To all of that... except women don't gross me out. I enjoy the company of women, take pleasure in seeing either beautiful young women, or awesome strong brave older women. No sexual attraction. And I pay attention to women who know how to dress, cause i love genderfucking drag!

 

I've seen my reflection in store windows as I walk past and have actually laughed out loud because I walk so much more like a gay guy than I ever used to. It's a wonderful feeling to find yourself BEING yourself, and not worrying about it! And the idea of waking up next to the guy you love gives me hope. Thanks for posting!

 

Tyler1 - I'm happy for you, I hope life just keeps getting better for you now

 

Hey Tyler,

I know what you mean about this transformation. It's says so much about how we feel a need to express what we are inside. I just had my ear pierced this weekend, not a big deal really, but for me, who used to be above all that superficiality, for me who couldn't care less about how I dressed, I suddenly find myself allowed to care and I'm suddenly interested in what I wear. It's freaking out the kids a little (heh heh) but that's who I am.

This weekend I spent about an hour shopping, going over some items that looked fantastic, trying things on, agonizing over what I could get and have to leave behind... Up until recently, I would have had a headache in about 5 minutes, I used to hate shopping! I still don't love it, but man, what a difference from a year ago!

I'm very comfortable with women, that is one difference between us, but it's good that you're working on this.

 

Great post, very inspiring!

 

A nice read - this thread.
A dream or fairy tale even - well done!!

 

Since joining EC, I often find myself looking around at other guys my age and wondering, are you one of "us"? Do you have feelings that you have buried for 10, 20, 30 years that are there under the surface, just waiting to jump up and yell "HERE I AM!!!"? There are days when I worry that I "talk too much" here, and splatter too much of my thoughts and silly stories and annoyances and feelings. (There is a part of me that certainly does like an audience, I confess!) But then I reconsider.... Someone posted recently that for every EC member there are 15 "lurkers". I think we all need to share our stories for the benefit of those 15, who might be too afraid or uncertain or ashamed to speak up, even on an anonymous forum. We need to happy stories--and the sad or angry ones too. Our experiences can change peoples' lives if we let them. Thanks again for sharing yours, Tyler!

 

cheers!

 

We've discussed this before a while back, about whether it's an act or whether it's the "real you" finally left to shine.

There's another interesting take on this: that the whole self-actualization movement is a big load of crap. Some have argued, convincingly I think, that the "self" is a process of reflection. The self has no core!

Roland Barthes, the French philosopher described his process of beginning: "I begin producing by reproducing the person I want to be." He doesn't have a firm foundation from which his work arises, he goes on "To write by fragments: the fragments are then so many stones on the perimeter of a circle: I spread myself around: my whole little universe in crumbs; at the center, what?"

There is a book called The Performing Self by Richard Poirier. The performing self is aware of his own performance. The important point is that this performance does not need to represent some inner core of yourself. There is arguably no underlying actor playing a part, you are who you perform!

I suspect you are aware, and maybe a little surprised at how you behave now versus what you used to be. It would be easy to say that you were repressed until recently, I would argue that yes, there is some element of that, but that your "act", as it were, is mainly a reflection of your current environment, of your friendships and of our mysterious "orientation".

We all are composed of a mass of reactions to each other and to the world itself. The "self" does not exist as a fixed entity like some organ in your body, it is only a beginning... :icon_wink

 

Ah, nice to read everyone's posts on this thread! The comment about walking past a window and seeing the reflection of your walking style was classic. I, too, have done just that. I decided that I walk like my youngest son. Then I thought, did he emulate me? I walk as if there is a purpose in life and so does he.

I've always acted butch just because. It's funny to hear my friends tell me how stereotypically lesbian I have been since I've been in high school.

It is SO good to shine! Keep it up everybody! If you haven't started shining yet, give it time. There is a star inside of you just aching to get out.

 

GreatWhale, we would all be so much poorer if you didn't post on EC. Seriously, your last post on this thread has just pointed a blinding spotlight on a number of my preconceived ideas. Thank you!

 

This really gives me some hope. Since coming out 6 days ago I have felt this indescribable feeling of 'growing self' inside me, pushing me to acknowledge my identity. It has been a roller coaster this week with my wife, but there's this feeling that I have admitted to myself the feelings I have are real and present, I can't put it back in the box. By acknowledging it I am becoming more confident in who I am.

It's a terrifying journey, but I am so not going back. Positive words on EC so far are encouraging me. Thanks.