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Light bulb moment - Girlfriends

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Dragonbait, Oct 16, 2013.

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  1. Dragonbait

    Dragonbait Guest

    [Or as Choirboy may yet someday put it, "Gurl-fraaaaaannnnddddds"]

    Yup, it happened today. :bulb:

    Don't know that this thread is destined to bring much response, but when the "AHA!" hit, I was desperate to tell someone, and considering that you are the only ones that I'm fully out to, you're stuck with me!

    So one of the big things that has really bugged me about coming to grips with the fact that I'm a lesbian has been that I've never actually gotten along particularly well with women - or even when young, most girls. The majority of my friends throughout life have been guys. And I couldn't figure it out, if I'm so attracted to women, why do I find it so difficult to relate to them? I'm more blue jean than I am lipstick femme, but still, I'm definitely not butch, no 'sporty spice' here, so what gives?

    Then today it occurred to me. I've made a couple of really good female friends in my relatively new home town that are just SO easy to be with, I'm so comfortable around them, I don't suffer any of my usual hang-ups about looking needy, or less than 100% in charge, or put together, or not measuring up, or not caring about all the men flocking to their feet, or ANYTHING! I spent some time with one yesterday morning when I picked her up from the airport, the other did me a favor and drove my son to practice when I couldn't get there in time from work.

    In addition to these relationships, here on EC I am, for the first time in my life, finding other women to exchange thoughts and feelings with and what I get back is an incredible sense of friendship and comaraderie. They get me, and I get them, and even better yet, if we don't automatically get each other, I'm not afraid to ask! With everyone else in the world, other than these two local friends and my EC friends, I AM afraid to ask. None of you would probably ever guess this, but it goes against every grain of my being. I am a psychologist's dream of a text book introvert. I've been this way for as long as I can remember - 40 + years.

    So today it hit me like a brick wall. For the first time in my life, I have "girlfriends" and I mean that in the most wonderful platonic sense of the word. Real girlfriends, that I can truly (if I actually had some) let my hair down with, show my true colors, be ME and not get all hung up over it! How did this happen? Finally at the age of 46? It's really easy. Doesn't even require Pysch 101. Has nothing to do with my acceptance of self or anything like that.

    They're ALL into women! Lesbians or Bi - ALL OF THEM! So. There was my :bulb: moment. It wasn't that I don't get along with women. It's just that I don't get along with STRAIGHT women!

    :lol: Phew! What a relief! :grin:
     
    #1 Dragonbait, Oct 16, 2013
  2. BackgroundExtra

    BackgroundExtra Guest

    LOL! Process of elimination, eh? :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: Congrats on the Oprah "aha!" moment, Dragonbait!
     
    #2 BackgroundExtra, Oct 16, 2013
  3. Rose27

    Rose27 Guest

    That's me too! Except the new in-person friends... Work in progress! (Just moved recently)

    Thank you Dragonbait the Awesome! (*hug*)
     
    #3 Rose27, Oct 17, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 17, 2013
  4. Rose27

    Rose27 Guest

    " It wasn't that I don't get along with women. It's just that I don't get along with STRAIGHT women!"-Dragonbait the Awesome

    Its 6:15 am & reading this again smiling 'cause except for my best friend of many decades I never understood other women! Ha! Got to find me some lesbian friends...maybe yoga class! You know all new lesbians take yoga & become vegitarian (something about flexibility & givin' up the sausage) :roflmao::roflmao:frowning2:!)
     
    #4 Rose27, Oct 17, 2013
  5. Biotech49

    Biotech49
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    Geez, you hit the nail on the head with this post!

    Sigh - guess I'll have to get into a yoga class. I used to be vegan. Can't do that again but I can go without the sausage!
     
    #5 Biotech49, Oct 17, 2013
  6. Choirboy

    Choirboy
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    DB, just a slight correction from my inner grammar queen on one of the finer points of Gayspeak. "Gurl-fraaaaaaand!" cannot be used as a plural because it's not really a noun. It's more of (I hesitate to use this word) an ejaculation. Not because the word embarasses me in the least, but more because I hate to deprive others here of the enjoyment of tossing out a double ententre the first thing in the morning and waiting to see who picks up on it first, Dragonbeavis or Choirbutthead. Uhhuhhh uhhhuhhh uhhhuhh.
     
    #6 Choirboy, Oct 17, 2013
  7. biAnnika

    biAnnika
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    Smiling here too. Took me longer than it should have, myself, to figure out how uncomfortable I get around straight people. Both straight men and straight women...but worse: straight culture. Being an introvert can actually be your friend in that regard *smile*.

    Beautiful epiphany, m'Lady!
     
    #7 biAnnika, Oct 17, 2013
  8. OneSpirit

    OneSpirit
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    Beautiful post, Dragonbait. Reading it felt like...wait for it....wait for it....BAM!!
    My reaction to your a-ha! was that I too, classic introvert bookworm find myself at 38 suddenly with a bunch of women friends- REAL friends that I can actually call if I am in need in any way, and they do the same. But I thought "but mine aren't all lesbian or bi".......then I went through them one by one "oh, that one is....and that one....and oh."
    Yep. They all are.
    Totally hadn't thought of it before. Now I am thinking and wondering if I have ANY close straight friends. I can't think of one. Wild. Who knew?
     
    #8 OneSpirit, Oct 17, 2013
  9. Dragonbait

    Dragonbait Guest

    Oh Choirboy. Are you saying you can't have multiple ejaculations? I'm so sorry, but have to tell you, it is possible.
    :wink:
     
    #9 Dragonbait, Oct 17, 2013
  10. biAnnika

    biAnnika
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    It's the kind of thing that helps me embrace the word "queer". We *are* strange; we *are* outsiders. But better: we have one another...we are queer to the straight world...to one another, we're just rainbow beautiful!

    ---------- Post added 17th Oct 2013 at 09:20 AM ----------
    And you thought of yourself as asexual? Hmmm. (*wink*)
     
    #10 biAnnika, Oct 17, 2013
  11. Rose27

    Rose27 Guest

    Dragonbait:You should change your description under orientation. You may not be "out" but your not sounding "entirely repressed"....:slight_smile:
     
    #11 Rose27, Oct 17, 2013
  12. HopeFloats

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    I love this. I felt the same way about girls and women friends...but yeah, the straight ones! I feel so comfortable and authentic with lesbian and bi friends. It's like there is a weird disconnect between me and most straight women. I think that may be why I haven't had the classic unrequited straight girl crush.
     
    #12 HopeFloats, Oct 17, 2013
  13. kimm74

    kimm74
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    Most if not all of my friends are straight, and the ones i have come out to over the past couple of months have been very caring and supportive. That being said, I can understand the attraction of spending time with people who get what you're going through and can help through the tough spots. Now the hard part: getting my introverted self to go places where there are people. Ack!
     
    #13 kimm74, Oct 17, 2013
  14. Dragonbait

    Dragonbait Guest

    Annika, Rose, get your minds out of the gutter! As you'll clearly see by the highlighted text below, Choirboy and I are discussing GRAMMAR!

    :eusa_snoo
     
    #14 Dragonbait, Oct 17, 2013
  15. biAnnika

    biAnnika
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    Never! Don't you try to define me! :lol:
     
    #15 biAnnika, Oct 17, 2013
  16. Rose27

    Rose27 Guest

    Hey Dragonbait I'm just an innocent newbie lesbian. :icon_redf
     
    #16 Rose27, Oct 17, 2013
  17. Choirboy

    Choirboy
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    OK, so I'm very outnumbered here by virtue of my Y chromosome, but I have to confess that I've experienced the exact same thing in the male world. My best friends have always been women, and the number of guys that I have had even casual friendships with has always been pretty severely limited. And looking back, the more they fit into a standard "straight guy" stereotype, the less I liked them. My assumption was generally that it was because they were assholes (which did have a grain of truth in some cases, especially based on the way some of them treated me!). But I think really, I never realized, and am STILL coming more and more to understand, how much being gay colors a huge amount of my outlook and how I relate to people. It's not even that I'm putting ON the rainbow colored glasses--more like I've got perfect 20/20 vision but I've been stuck wearing someone else's coke-bottles all my life, and they're finally coming OFF.

    That was way too deep and I feel the need to throw a punch line in there somewhere, but I'm on a conference call and am having trouble shifting gears right now!
     
    #17 Choirboy, Oct 17, 2013
  18. biAnnika

    biAnnika
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    Hey Choirboy, why should a Y-chromosome (or as I like to think of them, stunted X-chromosome *snicker*) change your experience of the straight world? It makes perfect sense to me that queer people of both/any sex should have that sense of alienation among presumed peers. But it's awesome to hear so many expressing this common perception!
     
    #18 biAnnika, Oct 17, 2013
  19. Ava

    Ava
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    D.B., your post got me thinking...up to age 28, I was attracted to girlfriends and co-workers. While raising my two children, I was convinced that the 'last thing I needed was friends' and became introverted (my son is autistic, so I think that had a lot to do with withdrawing from some family and most of my friends who just didn't-get-it). My attraction to women was usually friendship related and it didn't matter if they were married/gay/bi or not. I never admitted it to anyone. Now, while on dating sites, I usually end up talking to 'soft butch' women for advice and I'm always honest that I'm usually attracted to women in-between (I tell them I'm a 'hard femme'; haha). A local woman has offered to 'introduce me to the gay community', when I'm ready. I'm ready and I look forward to making non-straight friends & possibly more :icon_wink soon!
     
    #19 Ava, Oct 17, 2013
  20. HopeFloats

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    Choirboy, this is my experience too:" It's not even that I'm putting ON the rainbow colored glasses--more like I've got perfect 20/20 vision but I've been stuck wearing someone else's coke-bottles all my life, and they're finally coming OFF."
     
    #20 HopeFloats, Oct 17, 2013
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