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why am I acting like this?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by browneyedgirl, Oct 17, 2013.

  1. Ever since I came out myself as being more lesbian than bisexual I have been feeling really weird. I am currently married to a man whom I still love very much, he is the least of my worries however. My children are what's really bothering me; I seem to not like them anymore for some reason. I feel completly disconnected from them and like I don't want to be their mother anymore. I used to be an amazing mom, now I don't even want them near me. Its not that I'm depressed, its more like I am in a constant state of excitement about my future and I don't see how they fit into that.

    I really want to move closer to a gay community and just be free I guess. I am also unable to work/eat/clean etc. I swear all I do is read gay related material almost all day and find my children getting in the way of me doing that. I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense. Thanks for reading.
     
  2. June Cleaver

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    How old are they? June
     
  3. They are 9 years old and 14 months
     
  4. greatwhale

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    I commend your honesty, I suppose, but you do see, I hope, that what you wrote is a bit disturbing?

    You're right, it doesn't make sense, to me as a parent, kids come first...what do you want us to tell you?
     
  5. I was sort of hoping I could go back to the old me. Yes, I'm very disturbed at myself and very worried. Has anyone ever felt like this? Maybe I'm just nuts :frowning2:
     
  6. greatwhale

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    No, definitely not nuts, if you were nuts, you would have considered this behaviour "normal" and you would not have posted this here.

    I can understand obsession, that single-minded focus on things and not wanting to be disturbed. I can even understand the occasional desire to just run away from it all, but you are perceiving this to be a problem...can you get help?
     
  7. AmiBee

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    I think you are just currently preoccupied with your sexuality. I'm sure that you still love and care about you children very much. As you integrate yourl sexuality into your whole life, you will feel less preoccupied by it and able to concentrate on daily life and parenting more.
     
  8. June Cleaver

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    14 months is a hard age! I raised a child from 2 weeks till 5 years then again at 9 when she became a discipline problem. So I do understand. At 14 months that child is still a attachment totally dependent on you and you may be having these feelings because you have found this new life you want to try to live, but your children are seeming as a roadblock detouring you from that life. I suggest if you can, take a step back. Maybe a short break to collect your thoughts and figure out what you want to do. I am sure if you want a woman partner, that one will love the kids too. June
     
  9. Double Eagle

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    There are a lot of older women out there scouting for a woman with children that they can take care of...The babies aren't in your way they are Chick Magnets!!!
     
  10. I'm currently seeing a therapist who is treating me for obsessive thoughts. I guess I see my kids as an interference on the dating life I want to try. I just don't know what to do with myself anymore. I can't even sleep cause I'm excited about my to be new life.
     
  11. AtheistWorld

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    When you're a new parent, this kinda isn't that unusual because a lot of people go through this sort of thing, but you said you had a 9 year-old, so... Still, you're kind of going through a rebirth as your own as your true sexuality has emerged. The new beginning may bring new attitudes about things, even if they're just temporary.

    Right now I think you're in an exciting period, relishing the watershed and thinking about the new direction your life and the immensity of the feeling is controlling your life. However the high you're on won't last forever, so when it fades away I bet you'll be ready to be a mother again.

    I mean, when I really get into a new video game the same thing happens to me: I don't eat or sleep and the only thing I do is play the video game. I know the comparison is really weak though. Imagine how much more ferocious your desire to obtain the real life for the real you is! But as you adjust to it, the change and all the happiness will grow more and more mundane.

    Try not to feel guilty about this, because experiencing these feelings doesn't make you a bad mother, and I think the fact that you're sharing this here in the hopes of getting help to avoid being a neglectful mother proves that.
     
    #11 AtheistWorld, Oct 17, 2013
    Last edited: Oct 17, 2013
  12. Thanks, I understand the video game analogy. It's almost as if I just wanna do all these thoughts so I can just go back to normal and be a great mom (and wife?) again. Sigh, this is so incredibly frustrating.
     
  13. HopeFloats

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    Do you know any other gay parents? I think being around openly gay couples who have children might help to normalize / reconcile your dual roles as mother and sexual being.

    One strong reason I think I married a man was that I didn't realize I could have a "normal" family and be a lesbian. I associated being gay with frivolity, night clubs, and one night stands.

    I also struggled with my identity as a sexual person, with sexual interests and needs, after I became a mother. In my view it is important to make room and time in my life for being a mother (doing it well) and as a grown woman. All or nothing either way is not healthy.
     
  14. Tyler1

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    Re: why am I acting like this?r

    In some ways I understand somewhat. When I first came to terms with my sexuality my children( older than yours) had a very difficult time to the point of cutting me off especially after I moved in with my BF. If that was going to be the case I lost interest in trying to make it work. At this point hurt turned to anger and I felt the same way wanting to read, absorb, do "gay" things to the exclusion of everything else.Since then I have had limited contact especially since moving to gay friendly city. While I feel bad and wish i could do something but I won't sacrifice who I am for anyone. I support them, would help if asked for sure, but don't have a real relationship with them. The longer it goes on like this I am not sure it will make any difference. My BF discussed adopting once, not in the cards.