First steps on gay life - Already some frustrations

You need to be a little bit patient. It's difficult at the beginning trying to find someone...especially when you don't know where to look. I actually went to a dating service (kind of like Millionaire Matchmaker) and it was indirectly very successful. I met someone who became my wingman, and he was with me when I met my current boyfriend - 3 years ago. A lot of guys on websites are just looking for a quick hookup, but there are some good guys out there. Another option is to join a gay sports team in the area.

 

Hi globe,

Three months into gay life is not that long. Your friend's promiscuity is perhaps not that unusual either.

None of us can know what's in his heart or whether he would eventually become exclusive to you. That depends very much on your relationship. But give yourself some time, both with him and out there. I don't think there's any easier way, unfortunately...

 

Hi globe. I agree with the posters above. One more point: "far away." Between his promiscuity and the distance, you're probably more likely to get your heart broken than to live happily ever after. Hate to say it like that, but I'm just trying to preserve your feelings in the long run.

 

The first person I met was a sex per night guy. He slept with so many people it was insane. He was a hell of a nice guy. I learned a lot from him just through discussions and he was happy for just that.

I am the type that needs an emotional link before sex - that doesn't happen overnight.

I recommend seeking out a support group of some kind. Somewhere where you could potentially meet others who are not seeking sex but friendship - this might open the door to like minded people.

Good Luck

 

I'm no one. But I must say.. I met my soulmate while she was working ( traveling) in my city. She is the love of my life. It is so hard being away from her, but her fidelity I do not question. I hope she feels likewise.

 

There are like two types of dating sites.

Meet N :***:

or

Actual committed relationships.

If you need to move on from this guy, don't feel bad because technically there really isn't a close attachment. There is, but like it wasn't like you had him your entire life or whatever (you practically just met him). I'd try looking for people that are looking for actual, real, open relationships. It would be really nice if they lived less than 5 (or 10) miles too!~

good luck (*hug*)

 

I felt the same way you did and turned to online dating sights with the same results you are describing. Even though they were relationship orientated sights, few were looking to find a special someone. The other thing is many of the guys struck me as creepy types looking for someone much younger they they were.

It took 2 years before I met someone who was feeling the same way online. He was super friendly and conversation flowed very easily between us. That was refreshing since I always felt like I had to carry a conversation with others. He let me know before we met for the first time that he wasn't interested in a hook up and wanted to get to know me. If we liked each other, we can decide to move forward towards a more intimate relationship. But he wanted that to happen slowly. He was expecting that to be a negative but I took it as a huge positive. He also lives 1hr. 45 min drive away which forces the relationship to be a bit slower to begin with.

I think the issue is people who think in these terms are very rare from our age group. So we are very hard to find, three months is nothing. Just stay away from profiles that discuss their favorite sexual positions, have pictures with their shirts off, use terms like "boi" in their profile name as these have a high probability of being a bit hookup-ish.

 

I've been out for 23-24 years - I have pretty much the same opine about the gay scene.

The difference here - I am now officially a jaded old queen, since I learned that 'all men are pigs' and that 'bis can't be trusted' and that the gay world is just a sad, sad place with no real hope of romance. (These are stereotypes which unfortunately have a rather large root in truth)

You - not so much, you still have all that hope crap going on....

I have no idea what is is you want/need here.

Let me tell you what I have done.

I have a strict 30 day no sex policy - this weeds out the majority of players, 'casual sex encounters' and guys who want to use you for oh I don't know, money, sex, drugs whatever you have to offer.

I came up with two chiseled in stone rules:

1. Thou shalt not cheat on me.
2. Thou shalt not hit me.

These rules only work when one (or both) are broken you leave and leave immediately.

The bright side. I spent the last relationship in a pretty quiet relationship for 14 years.

The not so bright side. I have only been with 8 men sexually (willingly) and I had to go through at least 4 relationships before I figured out my rules, and two more to reach today. Today means jaded old queen who is single, fast approaching 50 and figuring 'what the f**k why bother?'

Incidentally there are lot of guys who claim to be looking for LTR monogamous relationships and pretty much every single one of them can't seem to find other guys like that. Why? I have no idea - maybe a lot of us are just liars?

I do wish you luck, but do be realistic and be very, very careful who you give your heart too.

 

Good for you for wanting something more real and meaningful. It won't be found automatically but it'll eventually come. Promiscuity is a real issue in the gay community, but I attribute that more to the fact that men in general tend to be that way.

As for the guy, in my experience and the experiences of others that I witnessed, dating a bisexual man seldom works out.

 

I agree with promiscuity being a real issue, but disagree with how you attribute that to men in general tend to be that way.

Agreed guys tend to be more that way than women percentage wise, so maybe that plays a part. But you don't see the promiscuity issue in straight world near as much as the gay population. I think it's a combination of a lot of reasons. Such as gay people are stigmatized. You couldn't be a gay teen in the 80's/90's or earlier and see much of a future for yourself in terms of marriage/family. Even gay people have to deal with internalized homophobia. You have to hide who you are to avoid discrimination. That leads to feelings of shame. It shapes the way you see yourself and treat others.

The way the world is changing a lgbt kid born today will probably experience a much different lgbt climate then we do today. I think the promiscuity issue will become much less a problem for future generations.