Ever feel loss that is so overwhelming you can't breathe? I miss my best friend. How can she walk away without looking back? She says I'm disgusting. She says I am not to be trusted. She said she was ending the friendship and then asked if I got it. We were friends for 15 years. You know what? I don't get it. I don't get it at all. I feel so alone.
If she's ending a friendship over sexuality: That is incredibly ignorant and shallow. I get it...but I think you're better off without someone who would think such a thing. What *she* doesn't get is that you're still the same person you were 5 years ago...she just knows something new about you. You don't need someone who is so limited. Breathe, friend. *hugs*
As much as this might hurt now, make this experience mean something. The average person isn't to be trusted. That's why you shouldn't invest so much in a relationship, because people will jab at your weaknesses. People aren't to be trusted with this sort of thing. It's better not to have many friends or even none at all if they're as fickle as her. Just adjust to it. If you must make new friends then I think it should be another queer person. The risk of befriending a straight person is too high imo.
Sometimes, Lovetoski, people just suck. Like your so-called 'best friend' and my so-called 'Fred'. Sometimes they suck major royal ass. She is obviously not the person you thought she was. I've only ever felt the level of loss you describe over people worthy of that depth of emotion. This bitch doesn't deserve what you're doing to yourself. Let me guess, she calls herself a Christian. This is the one you wrote about once before, who uses her Catholicism as a shield to prove she's better than the rest of the world, isn't it? Is she basing her judgement and hate on her misinterpretation of Jesus' word or on the Old Testament? You might want to remind her that Jesus freed Christians from Jewish Religious Law. Maybe instead of the 10 commandments she should focus on the Great Commandments. Ask her if this is how she practices "Brotherly Love". Or do what I do and write her off as a loss, stop allowing her to cause you further pain and go find yourself some good lesbo friends! (Or les-bro if you can find someone like Choirboy.) Chin up dear friend, there are better people out there, awaiting your awesome friendship. (*hug*) And hell, in the meantime, you've got us!!! (&&&)
I haven't yet gone through that situation, where I have to take a deep breath and ask myself through a few tears, "If this 'friend' can write me off so completely for no other reason than my orientation, were they really a friend at all?" It's probably too pat and easy to say that she was never really your friend. Because, of course, she was! It wouldn't be so devastating otherwise. But the people we love and call our friends aren't perfect. Your friend has one huge flaw. She is allowing one new (to her) aspect of who you are to blind her to all of the wonderful qualities about you that have made her share laughter and tears and companionship with you for years. That pride and judgment she has, that she uses to set herself apart from other people, is now being used to set herself apart from a dear friend. It's blinding her to what she's doing to you. That's awful. But it's also its own punishment. Despite her flaws, you were a true friend to her, and you were a big enough person to overlook them and trust her to behave like a loving friend. She let you down, and she will have a much harder time replacing your friendship than you will have replacing hers. It certainly doesn't feel that way to you now, but you'll have the better deal out of this in the end. You're open to better and deeper friendships with people who will love ALL of you, not just what fits their little plan. She's not. Her loss!
(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*) I know feeling alone. My 2 closest friends of 25+ years live in other states. 1 is gay. Know how many phone calls I got this past 10 months from them? . 2. Total. Right now my best friends are here at EC. And yes that includes you! (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*) I 2nd db's suggestion of getting some lesbo friends!
Lovetoski, my heart aches. You have not shown a single element of untrustworthiness. You are not disgusting. You are a wonderful person and had the integrity to share something so important with your best friend. You made yourself vulnerable and were given something truly rotten in return. I believe that the pain you feel is beyond words. I know that it is not adequate consolation tonight, but I will reaffirm, you've got us. We'll not leave you. Nothing but hugs and the blessing that you bring to our community. (&&&)
Thanks is not enough for you people, but it's all I have. Better day ahead. Xxx same to all of you. Xxxooo
I'm sorry I missed this earlier. As CB said, I don't think your "friend" has realized the dimensions of her own loss. Even from a religious standpoint, even from a standpoint of firm belief, judgment untempered by mercy is merely cruelty. Her loss, your gain (at some cost, certainly, but you know her better now too). Since coming out I have made more friends and acquaintances in the last 7 months than in the last 20 years. I guarantee it will happen for you too! And yes, you have more than a few true friends right here!
Lovetoski, I'm sorry for what happened with your "friend". Big (*hug*). I recalled your "If only life had DVR" thread and it made me think what would I do in your case if life actually had DVR. Would I not tell her I'm lesbian if I knew what her reaction would be or would I tell her anyway because such an untrue friend like her isn't worth it? I know the answer and I bet you'd answer exactly the same. As gw said, her loss, your gain :icon_wink
My apologies Lovetoski. I've learned over the years to never assume anything. But I should have read a little closer and figured out on my own that it was due to sexuality. I'll throw in a little twist to mix. Course this is probably why I feel like I don't fit in allot because I seem to always think differently then the norm. I do agree with what everybody else has said. Tho easier said then done...it's hard to throw away a 15 year friendship. I have no idea how the conversation went so I will have to assume which will probably not be correct. LOL! My thought would be give her some time to digest all this and re-approach her. Possibly let her know you are willing to talk welcome any questions that she might have. This is the best you can do. Tho it doesn't make the pain any easier. If she is saying you lied to her, technically she lied to you then as well. She claimed to be your friend but yet abandoned you. I'll throw in yet 1 more thought for shits and giggles. (yet another assumption) People tend to attract people of the same nature. Likes, dislikes, attitudes, etc.... Maybe she has had some kind of feeling for you. By you disclosing to her your sexuality you just made her dreams a possible reality and it was not something she was prepared to deal with. I hope you get to feeling better!
I am so sorry you are in pain Lovetoski. I only wish we could ease that in some way. I know what it is like. I had a close friend who I spoke to daily and for hours each day, hanging on the phone (the old ones attached to the wall, before mobiles had feet) One day out of the blue it stopped and years upon years of friendship vanished. To this day I still have no clue what happened. I strongly believe people come into our lives, for better or worse, to teach us something. Or for us to teach them something. While they have moved on - something inside you has changed, a lesson learned, an eye opened that little bit wider, your senses more aware. You discover things you should or shouldn't do in future and more importantly you grow as a person. No matter how painful this situation might be, please put it aside and look into yourself. I have read your posts here and you have a great heart. Truly it is her loss. I really hope that this is a catalyst to strengthen you - because you deserve to have a smile on your face, a spring in your step and to stand tall facing the world. I for one am happy you are here - and I guarantee you others here feel the same. **HUGS**
I am not sure why this virtual world is so helpful to me. I am not sure why I take comfort in the assurances of total strangers {really you all could be psychos or prisoners or worse...homosexuals---jk .}. I guess what I've figured out is it doesn't really matter why it helps me. It does. And to my virtual misfit bag if brothers and sisters ( none of whom I must give a co-pay to) I say thank you. From the bottom of my heart. Thank you.
Absolutely welcome, and so that you know, you give just as much as you receive. To all of the virtual misfit bag of...homosexuals, transgender and queer :eek:....thank you one and all.
Oh, don't doubt it in the least, there's a credit on the balance in your copay account. Honey, you've been paying it forward!
Well if you ask me, what you see here are actual souls, turned into symbols on a screen. Therefore, soul-to-soul: you are welcome! Not only for your thanks but for your kind and soulful words that also somehow manage to make us feel better (which only makes sense, you are a healer, no?)!
