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Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by BackgroundExtra, Oct 17, 2013.

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  1. BackgroundExtra

    BackgroundExtra Guest

    I had a date tonight, with a cute guy named Jeremy. To be honest, it was my first "real" date since I was 21. I'm pretty embarrassed about that; but it's reality.

    I have a girl friend that I just came out to on Monday. I told her about the date yesterday, and she "coached" me on what to do. I didn't know drink names. I've never really drank before. Jeremy and I were going to a nice restaurant, so I asked her for advice on what cocktail to order. She said her favorite cocktail was an "Appletini."

    So tonight, during the date, our server came over to take our orders. I ordered a Caesar salad, water, and an Appletini.

    Jeremy ordered a filet and a Whiskey Sour.

    Earlier in the evening, he had been really talkative. But as we got our drinks, he started growing a bit distant. He'd still nod at me during stories, and occasionally make a remark, but I noticed that he was becoming sort of withdrawn. If I didn't say something, it would start to get quiet.

    Jeremy dropped me off right after dinner. It was 8:45. I invited him inside for a cup of coffee, but he said he had an early meeting at work in the morning.

    I'm now up at 1:45am, trying to pinpoint what went wrong.

    I'm wondering if an Appletini is considered a "girly" drink? I'm kind of thinking he may have lost interest in me because he assumed I was effeminate based on that order...
     
    #1 BackgroundExtra, Oct 17, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 17, 2013
  2. Rose27

    Rose27 Guest

    Don't think it was the Appletini. Think he was a bit flakey.1st date is not the day to start drinking. Just be yourself and tell your next date you don't drink.
     
    #2 Rose27, Oct 18, 2013
  3. Filip

    Filip
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    If you want to be really macho, you could say that a Whisky sour is a girly drink, because real men should drink their whisky pure and undiluted!
    And, really, if he was a guy that hit a breaking point when you ordered an appletini, I'd say good riddance, because that's ust evidence of shallowness on his part.

    But... I don't think it was the appletini. It was him, really. At some point, he apparently came to the conclusion that from his side, there wasn't that special "click", and started losing interest.

    That isn't necessarily a failure on either of your parts, though. A date is a way to figure out whether there is potential for more. And sometimes you just find out that there isn't. And that's perfectly fine. You shouldn't have done anything different to impress him or to make him interested, because you want to see if he clicks with you as you are, not with some mask you put on.

    So... too bad about this date. But don't beat yourself up or overanalyse. Learning to ride a bike involves some falling, but the important thing is to get back up there and try again!
     
    #3 Filip, Oct 18, 2013
  4. Varro

    Varro
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    Hiya, i dont think the drink had anything to do with the succes or failure of your date, perhaps your date just didnt feel any chemistry. I wouldnt look to deep into the reasons, i have had a few dates that have gone sour, and racked my brains wondering why, in the end i just excepted that it wasnt ment to be.

    Hugs and may your next date sweep you off your feet... :slight_smile: :icon_wink
     
    #4 Varro, Oct 18, 2013
  5. greatwhale

    greatwhale
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    Hey, don't overthink this, to be coldly analytical, it's really a numbers game. A first date is really a "get to know you" situation, no commitment, no guarantees.

    It didn't work? Congratulate yourself that you got this far, learn what you could, but don't draw too many conclusions from this. As Filip said, there isn't much you can do if it doesn't click. Do not change yourself; be yourself the next time around and hope for the best!
     
    #5 greatwhale, Oct 18, 2013
  6. BackgroundExtra

    BackgroundExtra Guest

    Rose: Thanks for the advice. I think I was just a bundle of nerves anyway. I thought the alcohol would help with that. Obviously it only gave me more butterflies.

    Filip: HAHA! I hadn't even thought about his whiskey being diluted! So he wasn't hardcore himself or anything. That makes me feel better. And you're right about masks. I'm going to try to "let go" more next time around. Trying to appear a certain way is really...work.

    Varro: You're right about overanalyzing. I guess I went a little far with that. By the way, I like your orientation. "Gay Spartan"...very rugged!!!

    Greatwhale: Yep, I keep telling myself "First dates are like primary elections. You're JUST narrowing the field." LOL...my nerd brain at work. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
    #6 BackgroundExtra, Oct 18, 2013
  7. Bear101

    Bear101
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    Seriously? Let me say this. If the reason he got distant was because of your drink, then he's a shallow S.O.B. and you deserve better.
     
    #7 Bear101, Oct 18, 2013
  8. BackgroundExtra

    BackgroundExtra Guest

    Bear101: Thank you for your support. We have not spoken since he dropped me off. I am going to move on now. I'll go crazy if I keep theorizing.
     
    #8 BackgroundExtra, Oct 18, 2013
  9. SilentCreatures

    SilentCreatures
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    Next time order Sex on the beach! Only kidding.

    Seriously though - if an Appletini caused him to fade away then you are the lucky one.

    You're welcome to drink whatever you desire, after all you are the one that has to drink it, you may as well enjoy it.

    Put it down to experience. One of the worst connections I had with someone, ended up with us both sipping our coffees in silence. There just was no chemistry and neither a desire for there to be any. Awkward and uncomfortable but it taught me so much for the next date.

    Good Luck :slight_smile:
     
    #9 SilentCreatures, Oct 18, 2013
  10. ClosetedFather

    ClosetedFather
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    I have to second Roses comment. If you don't drink regularly...be yourself and don't drink. Nothing wrong with that, and anyone who has to date a drinker probably isn't who you want anyway.
     
    #10 ClosetedFather, Oct 18, 2013
  11. BackgroundExtra

    BackgroundExtra Guest

    SilentCreatures: I actually HAVE heard of Sex on the Beach! LOL. Though I'm sorry you had the foul date experience, I guess I'm glad I'm not alone on this one. I will definitely chalk it up to experience. :slight_smile:

    ClosetedFather: Thanks for the advice. I'm going to stick to iced tea on my next date.
     
    #11 BackgroundExtra, Oct 19, 2013
  12. Dragonbait

    Dragonbait Guest

    BE - I haven't been on a date in over 22 years. You want to talk nerves?!

    I have two people who have asked me out and I am scared to the point of panic to accept either! But the way I'm looking at it, unless I want to be alone for the rest of my life, I'm going to have to do it some time, so I think I'm going to try to put off the one that I really think has the most potential for real connection and go out with the other first, thoroughly anticipating that I'll be a complete freak that first time back out of the gate and would rather screw it up with the one I'm less enamored of than with someone who has already really impressed me.

    Maybe try a few practice runs just to loosen up? Do you think it would help?

    Oh, and btw, you owe your GF some flowers or chocolate or a couple appletinis. That is going WAY above and beyond!
     
    #12 Dragonbait, Oct 19, 2013
  13. BackgroundExtra

    BackgroundExtra Guest

    Dragonbait: LOL! I should've worded that "female friend." She is (and I hate to use this term) a bit of a "fag hag." I was never romantically involved with her!

    Two potential suitors?! I say go out with both! Make some memories. :slight_smile: And try not to be so nervous. (I should take my own advice!)
     
    #13 BackgroundExtra, Oct 19, 2013
  14. Rose27

    Rose27 Guest

    You both are braver than me! Have fun!
     
    #14 Rose27, Oct 19, 2013
  15. greatwhale

    greatwhale
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    Sounds like a plan...unless...she finds complete freaks totally charming! What will you do then??

    (I'm NOT going to miss this one. Here's the plan: I'll send you the GoPro camera, the kind that I can move remotely. When you're with her, just put it on top of your shoulder. She'll hardly notice as the camera nods in approval or shakes it's little head in dismay)
     
    #15 greatwhale, Oct 19, 2013
  16. Dragonbait

    Dragonbait Guest

    Yes, GW. Very funny. I'm laughing... on the inside. :dry:

    Although you do have a point, I suspect she might, which is why I'm not quite as enamored. :shrug:
     
    #16 Dragonbait, Oct 19, 2013
  17. bdman

    bdman
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    You are doing exactly what I do way too often. Over analyze...trying to figure out what was the exact moment I did the thing that I did to ruin my chances with someone.

    As everyone already said, it probably wasn't the drink. If you don't normally drink, then don't drink. You can count on one hand the number of alcoholic beverages I drink per year. I wouldn't know what to order either. I once looked on-line for a "manly" drink to order while at a Christmas party. I just didn't want to feel like an outcast or have it look like I didn't know what I was doing. I can't even remember what drink it was.
    Now I don't worry about not drinking. I had a date that ordered a martini and I just got a coke. He actually asked me if I would mind if he ordered a drink.

    The chemistry just wasn't right for you this time.
     
    #17 bdman, Oct 19, 2013
  18. Dragonbait

    Dragonbait Guest

    Oh! girl. friend. Much better.

    Now as to your suggestion - do you mean at the same time? That certainly would be memorable! :grin: :thumbsup: And I'm sure if we did that, Greatwhale wouldn't be the only one wanting it captured on film.
     
    #18 Dragonbait, Oct 19, 2013
  19. BackgroundExtra

    BackgroundExtra Guest

    Bdman, I laughed at your Googling of "manly" drinks prior to the Christmas party. That's EXACTLY what I would have done. The things we do to maintain our "reps," right?

    Dragonbait: Yes, at the same time! Ha! Do these two women know each other? That is a crucial element to this conversation. LOL
     
    #19 BackgroundExtra, Oct 20, 2013
  20. Dragonbait

    Dragonbait Guest

    No, they don't know each other, nor do they know of each other. Right now I'm leaning toward scheduling them back to back, we'll see how it goes.

    I SO can't believe this is me!!! I have NEVER casually dated before in my life. I have no idea what I'm doing!
     
    #20 Dragonbait, Oct 20, 2013
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