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Realized something quite disturbing...

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Rose27, Oct 19, 2013.

  1. Rose27

    Rose27 Guest

    F'ing A: Ex is exactly like his mother. (Except he doesn't go to Church...yet)
    I was in denial. Its becoming more clear as finality of divorce nears.
    I got married for a few very wrong reasons. One was that I wanted to know what having a family was like. To not spend holidays alone. So instead I spent 12+ years getting either ignored or emotionally abused.
    After reading a couple of EC threads on dating I know I'm not ready to date. I want my next relationship however serious or casual to be healthy & I am so not there now.
     
  2. Nick07

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    (*hug*) I know exactly how you are feeling. I am afraid there is no advice though. You will need to weight or pros and cons and make the decision yourself (*hug*)
     
  3. Elf Wynd

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    Are reasons why you stuck in that relationship epiphanies or litanies?

    If you are still thinking about an ex and their crap and still solving 'great mysteries' chances are pretty high it is not time to enter into a new relationship. If you are going over the same reasons why you did X (a litany) without any thing new about an ex relationship chances are high you are stuck and need a wee bit more time.

    If this is a Ex - then why does it matter he is just like his mother. That is over, right?

    What significance of his being like his mother have on who you are as a person?

    These questions I do not want answers for, but you should ask them of yourself. They may reveal more to you about you, your emotions, and what you do now to move on from 'that'.

    Yes I know, ending a long term relationship is difficult and often is a slow process. I'm currently there myself.... So I'm throwing tools your direction that you can use (if you want to) to hopefully speed up the process and reduce its hurt.
     
  4. Dragonbait

    Dragonbait Guest

    Hey there Rose by any other name, I have not bothered to read any dating threads, I'm just plunging in full steam (okay, maybe puff by puff, but still...) One thing that occurred to me when that lifelong lesbian I'm friends with informed me that she'd been with more men than me, was that I'd never actually done the 'casual dating' thing. One boyfriend in high school, one in college, then my husband. I never, ever just 'dated'.

    And although, like you, I realize that neither am I ready, nor do I WANT to enter into another committed relationship right now, I would really like to experience real 'dating' and can't imagine a better time than now.

    When you feel like I do, then you'll know you're ready. Until then, enjoy this time and the opportunity to focus on no one but you (and of course your little guy) without having to experience any feelings of guilt or selfishness for being self centered. It's what you need and you have every right to it. And you're not taking away from anyone else by doing it, so damn! Get to it girl! xxoo
     
    #4 Dragonbait, Oct 19, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 19, 2013
  5. Rose27

    Rose27 Guest

    Elf wind- Thank you. Your right -the mil stuff was not right for post- probably should not have started a thread so soon after dealing w/some particular ugliness w/ex. Not well thought out. In my head it all connects but it would be a crossover to another thread. Should have had EC moderator delete thread right after I posted it.
     
  6. BMC77

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    Not entirely surprising ex is like his mother. There are moments I swear I've become one or the other of my parents. Sometimes it's downright scary. And just now...I wonder if things get really bad if my Inner Father will try to divorce my Inner Mother?

    Years back, some company making alcoholic beverages capitalized on this "you become your parent" idea. They had an ad saying eventually you become your father...so you should now enjoy the fine drink he did.

    ---------- Post added 19th Oct 2013 at 11:58 PM ----------

    And I don't know if this helps, but I do understand the idea of wanting to wait for a relationship until one can have a healthy one. It's an issue for me, as well.
     
  7. Rose27

    Rose27 Guest

    Thank you friends for your kindness & support! (&&&)
    I think I need to take a break from posting on EC for a bit.
    I don't feel like I can contribute anything positive or helpful right now.
    Love Y'all- (&&&) Rose