Greetings folks, I'm up to over 3000 posts...I didn't know I had that much to say... After moving in to my new place in late April, I'm still rearranging a few things every now and then, and during this, I found a British-made tin whistle with a blue plastic mouthpiece. This little object has been with me since I bought it from a young man of Dutch origin as we were randomly travelling together to Cologne, Germany, from Amsterdam. I had just arrived in Europe for the first time, it was in September, 1982, I was 22 years old (I had decided to not go straight to school until I was sure about what I wanted to do in life...still not sure, but that's for another thread). I decided that I was going to travel across Europe, principally to meet people, make friends and see the beautiful sights before my life would become boring (I was right about that). Seeing this tin whistle brought me right back to that train cabin, where I was facing him. He was slight of build and really cute (I didn't consciously think of him that way at the time) and he told me he had a few tin whistles to sell during his own wanderings....You know how you meet someone, and you take an immediate liking to him or her? We started talking about anything and everything... We were alone in the cabin for part of the trip, but after one of the stops (we were now in Germany) some burly German guys joined us in the cabin and started smoking despite the sign forbidding it. My new friend calmly told them, in German, that they shouldn't be smoking, I didn't understand a word, but I saw the unmistakable expressions of tension on the German guys faces...my friend kept on until he was finished, calmly still until he stopped talking, and they stopped smoking (I knew there is no love lost between the Dutch and the Germans, so that probably animated the entire episode as well). From that point on I was truly admiring him for standing up to them, by this time I was thoroughly enjoying his company. This is the part that still haunts me to this day...we got to Cologne but he had to leave in a hurry to catch another train, even though we both wanted to keep going on the philosophical discussion we had engaged in. I hastily bought the whistle, I wrote his name down and gave him mine, and then he had to leave. I also sensed his regret at the brevity of our encounter. Even though I have his name, I can't find him anywhere, even in this day and age of instant communications... Reminds me of the trilogy of movies you may have seen starring Ethan Hawke and July Delpy: Richard Linklater's "Before Sunrise," "Before Sunset" and "Before Midnight"...these movies resonated with me...only my story had a different ending... Do any of you remember any such encounters?
A bit longer- Summer of '87. Sigh. We wrote on & off for years. I found her online in Australia this summer. There was a picture. She looks the same! Only time I cried in therapy was talking about her. Before that I just couldn't. Not because she was a woman but because I totally lost my heart. It only took one laugh the night I met her. I would have been proudly out for her back then. That was the first time I had ever thought of marriage. I told myself "the heart wants what it wants." If she had asked I would have gone back to Ireland w/her as a friend or anything she wanted.
Greatwhale: I love the "Before Midnight/Sunset" movies! I'm glad I might not be the only indie film lover on this board. It's a shame you can't find him on Facebook. I think the only holdouts left are the ones who will never "cave" to social media. LOL Rose: Do you know what her marital status is? If she's single, it may not be too late!!
Here it is: Still has that beautiful sound, and I still remember how he taught me how to play it (a little).
I love the first two movies and haven't seen the third. I love your story too. I can't think of any chance encounter like that. But I have reevaluated a couple of my friendships and realized that they were entirely based on crushes. Makes me want to kick myself! One girl told me she wanted to try being with a woman and I told her she'd missed her chance with me! I actually thought that it had been a phase and that the door had to stay shut. This woman and I became good friends. I'd sleep in her bed and lie around her apartment all the time. The telltale sign was my extreme jealousy of her sexual relationships with men and other friendships. We lost touch about 7 years ago and she's in London now. But she's not ok Facebook and hasn't accepted my linkedin invitation. I'm not interested in a relationship- I am in love with someone else (see my thread about that!) but I am just curious.
It's a more recent story, but I did have a wonderful reminder of what's to come just the other day. Our couple's therapist' office is within walking distance from my job, so I walk there for our weekly appointment. My route takes me by the transportation center where the buses all depart across the city. A very handsome man got off the bus as I was approaching and as he walked towards me, he gave me the most gorgeous and "knowing" smile and a wink. I wanted to say something, but knowing that I was on my way to therapy and had no time to spare, the moment passed. I can only hope he takes the same bus regularly and that our paths cross in the weeks to come.
Since I've (unfortunately) spent my life studiously avoiding any gay encounters, I haven't really had any. There was one guy in college who I was a casual acquaintance with. I got a definite gay vibe from him and one time he asked me if I had a girlfriend. I could tell he was testing the waters to see if I would bite, but of course I didn't. I now look back on that as a moment that could have taken my life in a whole different direction if I'd handled it differently. Ormanout... encounters like the one you had at the bus station have always intrigued me. I'm very unschooled in the art of gay flirting. It seems so risky when the odds are that the object of your attraction is probably straight. How are you supposed to play the game without staring at straight guys and freaking them out?
Found her husband's active FB page. Still married. Happy she is happy. Felt the same way when she told me she was married & in Australia 14? years ago. I was never jealous. That's how I knew I was really in-love w/her vs a crush/infatuation. Maybe another lifetime!
This story is hauntingly beautiful. I'm a total sucker for narratives like this. Thank you for sharing.
Nice, greatwhale. I wouldn't call it exactly an encounter but I have one story. I went to Slovakia and stayed at a hostel. At night I was dreaming about a girl who I was, in that dream, falling in love with telling myself something like "that's her", I don't remember the precise words, when I suddenly woke up. The room was dark, lit only by the street lamps from the outside, and I saw a silhouette of a thin girl with long hair that I thought was black. She arrived late to the room and the noise of her rolling suitcase woke me up. It was all really strange and when I woke up in the morning I wanted at least see her, if not speak to her, but she was still sleeping at that time. When I returned in the afternoon she was there but sitting on bed with her back to me, leaning against the cabinet that divided our beds, and watching something on her notebook so I really couldn't see her face at all. I wanted to say something but I didn't know what to say, even in what language to say it, and it felt a little bit rude to interrupt when she seemed busy on her laptop. Besides, I'm really not good at approaching new people and the small talk.:bang: So I went to take a shower but when I came back out the bathroom she was already gone.:eusa_doh: It happened five weeks ago but sometimes when I think about it I always tell myself that I should have spoken to her. She's a mystery girl I didn't see properly but who I fell in love with in my dream.
Thank you all for your contributions! All the regrets of things not spoken, of casual lingering glances and the way we communicate without words simply by being and occupying space! It occurred to me that there is a reason these things never became what they could have been. With my encounter, we both really felt, in that moment, as if we could have been good friends forever, but schedules and prior commitments seemed more important. Now, in retrospect, we understand how important it was to utter that question that was never asked, to forego that train and stay a while...it might have been awkward, or even embarrassing...but oh, the regret at the thing not done, even after so many years! Ultimately, it's a question of values! Of having the confidence of our convictions about what is important in life, and making decisions accordingly. It's often been said that the way to overcome fear is to keep in mind how important it is to overcome it at those critical turning-point type moments that could happen at any time. If you value a possible friendship, if you value making that important first move; even if you only value a deep philosophical conversation, so much so that you're willing to miss a train for it...then do so!...Your life could change forever...
