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Sitting with the hurt tonight

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by ormanout, Oct 25, 2013.

  1. ormanout

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    I took the afternoon off to clean the house. My wife had her annual pap smear and exam today. She came home in quite a foul mood. Seems she told her Doc that her husband was gay and that we are working our way towards a separation. Her Doctor then advised her to get a dildo and a vibrator because she's too young and it's either use it or lose it. This really pissed my wife off and she came home and took it out on me. She declared loudly with a scowl before she left that because of "this" (meaning my gayness) her life is taking so many ugly turns, she can't wait to see what's next.

    She's out for the evening with a gathering of her friends, so here I sit with my unmanly button pushed, feeling guilty for the moment. While I know in my heart that this is just how it has to be until she can work her way past the anger, hurt and loss, I really hate the homophobia and bullshit that's boiled inside me right now.

    Oh well, I can just stay busy scrubbing bathrooms, floors, walls and even the ceilings if I have to, so that the misinformation that's in my head about what it means to be a man and is making me feel this bad...passes. Ugh!
     
  2. Choirboy

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    I am absolutely floored that any doctor would make such an awful comment to a patient. Did it not occur to him that your wife would be in a pretty sensitive mood? That's absolutely inexcusable.

    Being able to deal with whatever happens with some degree of grace and dignity is a lot more the measure of a man than anything that our society normally thinks of as "manly". You are showing your "manliness" and love for her by allowing her to be angry and not throwing it back in her face. Many men would. Keep washing. You are doing the right thing.
     
  3. Saturn7

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    Sir,

    I do not know American law, but is such advice given from a doctor either legal or professional?

    That sounds like nothing but a poor-taste jibe to me.

    The reason I think it is relevant is, I would say that your wife felt humiliated by the doctor's comments more than anything.
     
  4. Dragonbait

    Dragonbait Guest

    Orm - if I were your wife, I would A) never return to that doctor, B) post a review of his atrocious bedside manner on ever "Review your doctor" type website, and C) demand that you buy me a Rabbit immediately.

    Can't believe she doesn't have one already! How old is she? My geometrically straight husband bought me one years ago when he realized he would never actually satisfy me - although when the motor on that one burned out, I was left to furnish the replacement myself. :icon_redf
     
  5. bassmaster

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    Sorry to hear about your day/evening. But you are most certainly a "MAN" don't let anybody tell you or make u think any different. Hope your weekend gets a little better :wink:
     
  6. Spaceman

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    Ormanout... coming out later in life is a huge risk that takes true courage and makes you a real man in my book. I love this passage from Joe Kort's 10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do to Find Real Love:

    Just because you are gay does not make you less of a man, even though there are plenty of messages out there contrary to this. In fact ,coming out and being in a relationship with another male takes real balls! It makes you even more of a man for your bravery in being out and visible as a man who loves men.
     
  7. greatwhale

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    All the "being a man" BS is in large measure the reason many of us walked "straight" into the closet in the first place. I have found that maintaining a certain calm has generally pissed my STBX off even more...but it's still a good policy.
     
  8. Suffocation

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    Maybe you can donate the dildo to a friend in need?

    <------- (ME, DERP)
     
  9. Lindsey23

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    Oh my gosh Dragonbait! I thought you were talking about a real bunny at first! Ok, I get it now...

    Anyway...I agree that she should not go back to him AND that she should either formally complain or post a bad review about him. That is very unprofessional. I'd be pissed too.
     
  10. palimpsest

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    ormanout, you are most certainly a man. Emasculating comments said in heat of argument and after humiliation are no less painful to receive, but don't take them to heart. Being gay doesn't disconnect us from guys, that's rather silly actually, it just expands the definition of what guys are capable of. Don't ever regret that you don't fit some straight stereotype, or any stereotype for that matter. Be proud of who and what you are, and what value you bring to us and others. That is the test of your "manhood" I should think.
     
  11. Rose27

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    Ormanout- (*hug*)(*hug*)
     
  12. ormanout

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    Just in case there was any misunderstanding, my wife's gynecologist is a female. I plan to bring this incident up for discussion in our therapy today.