I'm scared and shy

Welcome Dahlia!

 

The key factor to realise is that LGBT folk are people - like all of us muppets on this spinning ball.

You get nice people, nasty people, funny people, supportive people, attention seekers. Just like any random cross section of any society, right?

To feel scared and intimidated by any group you don't know is so perfectly natural I can't say.

I'm extroverted. My personality type is ENFP. Yet I would almost definitely have reservations with embracing an entire group in one go. So don't worry about this.

A beautiful metaphor, and one which has more relevance.

A lot of people are afraid to put in their toe. Yet 10 minutes later, they're swimming around and having a great time wondering what all the fuss was about.

Also, when people are learning to swim where do they start?

That's right. In the shallow end. With someone to instruct them, and arm bands/water wings.

So, why not give yourself the same safety measures and security for this little dip into the pool?

If a group is too scary - and no one should blame you for saying this, then why not meet just one person, for a coffee or something? Then, you can take it at your own pace.

You don't teach someone how to swim by taking them to the pro-level diving boards.

Finally, the pool you want to swim in isn't truly that of being a 'lesbian' or 'bisexual' or whatever. It's a pool which is about personal discovery. It's a pool to find out who you are and what will make you happy. Don't worry about labels, not at this stage.

At this stage, do you think it's safe to say, 'you want to know more?'.

If so, treat it like that

I'm sorry that I'm not gay. But I'm here because I want to learn. And so far the vast majority of the people here have been wonderfully friendly and supportive towards me.

Yes, I've encountered a couple of bad eggs here, but to me, that only reinforces the reality that you get all sorts, and being LGBT makes no difference to one's humanity.
Also, the bad eggs are strictly in the minority - so please don't worry

Take your time, and take steps you're comfortable with.
That's all the advice I have to offer.

I wish you well, and all the best.

 

Hello! Welcome xx

 

Welcome!

 

Dahlia, welcome to EC...and bingo on the bolded sentence above! The universe loves you and will give you what you need!

 

Hi Dahlia! Welcome to EC. You and I are in similar boats, although I haven't had that experience with another woman yet - at least not within the last 25 years!

But here's what I do know. I too, am like you, shy and hesitant to walk into a social "meetup" with a large group of people. I'd be looking for the nearest table to hide under. Today a gay friend of mine (on the east coast) suggested via email that I take myself out to a lesbian bar, alone and just start chatting. How anyone can call themselves a friend of mine and not realize that for me, the ability to walk into a bar and "just start chatting" people up is about as likely for me to suddenly sprout the ability to fly. BUT...

As Saturn7 pointed out, the LGBTQ community is a community like any other, and although I'm new to this one, I'm not at quite such a loss as to how to approach it. I have extensive experience in finding my way within new communities. I've moved 8 times in the past 20-some years, always to new towns, 5 of those to new states. Here's what I've learned in the process. I meet people when I get involved in actual activities that provide distraction. A workshop, a learning opportunity, an Author's reading, a volunteer activity. That way there is no pressure to stand around, alone in a sea of strangers, with nothing to do and no one to talk to unless I approach someone - which is like asking me to fly. But picking up a trash bag and cleaning up a creek as part of a group, or stuffing sacks in a food pantry or helping make stuffed animals for kids in a hospital, handing out water to marathoners, whatever! In activities like these or after a reading or a workshop or a lecture, walls tend to get broken down, you now share a common bond and there is some topic of mutual interest upon which to strike up a conversation.

So does your lesbian meet-up group do any sort of community service? I would choose one of those days to go. If not the lesbian meet-up group, how about the local PFLAG or GLAAD chapters? Do they run volunteer activities or lectures or workshops? In a city near me, there is a lesbian owned book store that often has writers of LGBTQ books (fiction and non) in to visit and speak, I've gotten myself on their email list so I can see who is coming and when and hopefully get to one of those events. I also try to focus on the things that I really love - reading, yoga, hiking and look for LGBTQ activities focused on those things, thinking that hopefully I'll meet people with similar interests.

Oh, and my last and so far most successful local outreach has been on a 'dating' site. It's not lesbian specific, but you can make it so that your profile is only able to be seen by people who have self-identified as lesbians and/or bi, and you can state specifically if you are only looking for friends or long term relationships, or one night stands or whatever. I've been communicating with a few women, half of whom are in similar situations as us, and plan to meet just as friends to exchange notes and suggestions.

Hopefully I've offered some ideas that you can use, or if not these specific suggestions, maybe they'll at least get you thinking in some new directions. If you come up with other ideas, or try something that turns out to be really successful, be sure to share with the rest of us!

Good luck!