1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

praying for a gay mate? is that even possible?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by cantaccept, Oct 28, 2013.

  1. cantaccept

    cantaccept Guest

    Hi I am Christian, i know there are countless debates and web postings about how the Bible is misinterpreted to include "homosexuality" as a sin when it really isn't. i must say, that it was always taught to me that it was a sin (the act of, not the orientation) so it has created a lot of guilt and feeling not apart of the church/Christianity/being "saved"/ uncertain about my after life due to my same sex attraction. in my heart, i know that i didn't "make myself this way" and i know that even as a young child, i prayed that this would go away but it did not. i guess what makes me feel kinda bad is that when you're straight, you can pray for a spouse/mate because male/female relationships are sanctioned by the church. it's ok to wait to have sex until marriage in the christian life because that is what we're taught to do. but what about gay guys? i know people will say there are plenty of non-sexualized guys out there, but i seem to have a knack for meeting the ones that are sexualized (overly). it's turned me off to even the thought of sex with a guy because instead of an expression of emotion, love and feelings, it seems like a knee jerk obligation or expectation from most guys. so i was thinking that maybe i could pray for a gay guy that is christian, abstinent, or waiting for that special someone as well as me. but i guess i started to wonder, can i even pray to meet a guy? would God honor my pray or even listen to me to pray for something like that. i want to be right and do good but i guess sometimes feeling gay also makes me feel separated from God like i have chosen a sinful life or him. However, i haven't chosen anything since i can't make myself feel the type of attraction if do for women that i have felt for some guys. so what is left for me? join the sex crazed types or settle for someone that maybe isn't sex crazed but i do not find attractive? i know people from church would say that God will not answer prays that are contrary to his nature and plan. So if being gay is a sin in God's eyes, i feel like maybe he would not answer my prayers. I am not sure what to do, i dont want to jump in the fast lane with these guys but i'm really lonely and never can seem to meet anyone i am interested in/attracted to that is also nice and not hypersexualized. i know some people think that gay people should just spend their lives alone so they do not act on their nature, but that's like asking a straight person not to act on his desire for women. straights guys settle down, get married, have kids and are in committed relationships, but i always see gay men that are single or in and out of relationships. i know straights do it too but it just seems there are so many attractive guys that are always single and as they get older their light dims out a bit and they become less desirable to the masses and end up alone. any help here?
     
  2. BiDad3

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2013
    Messages:
    54
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    Cape Town
    Hi cantaccept

    I have often found myself wondering about these same things at a younger age, and I must say that having children really changed my perception of God and my relationship with him. God is no longer some father christmas like figure that sits on high in judgement of all of us. God is a father. And he made us like this. I would never ever punish my children for doing something i created for them to do, e.g. Swim in the pool I built for them, or wear all the clothes I bought for them. I will always expect them to be responsible with these things and never hurt or endanger others. I believe God made us like this and he wants us to be genuinely happy (I know I want that for my children). So pray for your boyfriend. God is good and faithful and he loves you.

    God bless you.
     
  3. June Cleaver

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2013
    Messages:
    1,267
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    United States of America
    Being brought-up Southern Baptist, having the bible thumped at me I know the extreme guilt this can bring. You will not go to hell for having sex with a guy. It is no more of a sin than pre-marital sex for example. All sin is equal but one and homosexuality is not it. I think you could look for a asexual man and then skip the sex but have the companionship you desire. Just a thought! June
     
  4. Saturn7

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2013
    Messages:
    220
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    In orbit
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    I think BiDad3 has the right of it with his wonderful post. But I would like to give you some more opinions.

    I believe this is possible.

    True spirituality and belief is a very personal thing. It is personal decision, and it defines your relationship with whatever you believe in.

    It is human arrogance and evil that is capable of twisting anything - ANYTHING, to something dark. This applies to all religions, including atheism, and almost any political doctrine. Capitalism, Communism, Social Nationalism...you name it, someone out there has twisted it to match their own selfish desires (generally, the acquisition of land, power or money).

    Judgement is a right which humans simply do not have. I believe those who truly believe in a religion understand this.

    Life is hard. Life is tough. There is so much suffering in the world, it really really gets me down.

    I dunno what the solutions are, but I do know that making life even harder for people is not the way to be.

    I am not a Christian, however it is documented in the Bible that Jesus spent at least some his time with prostitutes, lepers and tax collectors. The social outcasts of society.

    Homosexuality is as old as humanity itself. Therefore, I don't think I'm being unreasonable for saying that Jesus probably met and knew homosexuals too.

    Forgive me for being critical, but the Bible has been edited, rewritten and cut apart so many times by people with twisted hearts and desires, we can never know for certain. But, that's irrelevant.

    I repeat, I am not a Christian. But from what I know of his character from studying Christian scripture and philosophy, his example would be one of gentleness and kindness. Not condemnation.

    No human can judge you. Christians can be many things, but they are also all humans. If you are a believer in the monotheistic God, then stick with your guns. It is your right to believe what you want to. No one can take that right away from you. No politician. No pressure group. No celebrity god icon. No one.

    Have a nice day :slight_smile:
     
    #4 Saturn7, Oct 29, 2013
    Last edited: Oct 29, 2013
  5. tommyj

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2013
    Messages:
    206
    Likes Received:
    30
    Location:
    Wales, UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I feel the same way that you do. I have a lot more things to work out before I even think of praying for a gay mate. I also grew up in the church and felt the same things that you have felt. I can easily say that I have no other friends that are outside the church so for me coming out would mean that I most likley will loose everybody that I know. There might be a few that will be nice to me, but I feel that I would be alone if I came out. I blieve that I have overcome my fear that God will forsake me becasue of my orientation. Another member said to me in a wall post that "our theology might need to be adjusted, but God still loves us"

    I don't know if this helps at all, but you are not allone. I'm sure you've already been there but there is another website that has been very helpful to me as well as this one:

    The Gay Christian Network

    Keep talking it out, asking questions, posting feelings. You'll get through this!
     
  6. Robert

    Robert Guest

    Joined:
    Jun 7, 2011
    Messages:
    1,398
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    .
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
  7. Yossarian

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2013
    Messages:
    1,814
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I think I saw this on a bumper sticker: "There is no God; go enjoy your life"

    You can choose to believe in a religion that despises what its God made you to be, and torture yourself all your life with the notion that you have "sinned" and are going to Hell for it, or pick a different one that accepts you for who you are and rejoices in what you were created to be in the universe. They are ALL just unverifiable beliefs, none of which can ever be proven in any scientific verifiable repeatable manner. If ONE of them is right about their's being the supreme creator of the universe and their rulebook being the One True Bible, then the other 99% must be wrong, so the odds are pretty high that the one your PARENTS picked and imposed upon you as a child has a pretty good chance of being one of the wrong ones. IF it is the cause of your frustrations and angst about living the life you were born to live, and you can find one that works better for you, or none at all, then pick one that works FOR you instead of AGAINST you. There is probably an MCC or other gay-friendly church somewhere near you which will accept you JUST AS YOU ARE, and not spend every Sunday telling you you are an awful wretched sinner and going to spend an eternity in Hell. You might even meet some nice man there who thinks like you do, who is looking for someone just like you and find your soulmate; you are much more likely to find such a person there than stoned in a dance club looking for one-night sex, because the good news is that virtually ALL of the men there in an MCC church are gay! :eusa_danc

    Good luck with what you decide to do, even if it is just to buy a nice motocross or road bike and go riding on Sunday while others are praying not to go to Hell. :kiss:
     
  8. biT3

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 15, 2013
    Messages:
    23
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    montana
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    hi.. good question. I hope you allow my thoughts to be accepted without judgement..but it sounds very intense for you. Your ' War & Peace ' volume of words betray too much head-tripping. Go simple.
    Let go...
    God there? ( in your heart & feelings )...then "Trust"...
    Stroke, suicide or seclusion comes as a result of so much intensity....
    Trust...Let go.
    Be that which you want....& let go... Christianity should have of least given everyone a clue that here we are in a transient world....finite...
    You are never made complete by "who" you are with,,,but rather, who you strive to be.
    Certainly you have needs that include the desire for a partner, here, on earth...but here is not the end....Have real faith?...let go..
    My last affair was 1982, literally. Been on my lonesome that long. I am neither dead, nor spun out.... I have faith God Loves us all, no matter what the outcome in our daily comings & goings...


    peace :thumbsup:
     
  9. ClosetedFather

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 19, 2012
    Messages:
    145
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Maryland
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Perhaps you can seek out some help from other gay and lesbian theologians. I understand that your church probably has none since they have been silenced or most likely removed. Rev. Mary Douglass Glasspool, the first lesbian Episcopal bishop was the rector of my child hood church. I understand that the Episcopal church is quite different than the church of your upbringing but you have to start somewhere. There are those that live as homosexuals and Christians and are at peace. I wish you peace. And know you are loved.
     
  10. Choirboy

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 21, 2013
    Messages:
    1,672
    Likes Received:
    427
    Location:
    Wisconsin
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I think we need to keep in mind that there is a huge difference between "Christianity", meaning the actual teachings of Christ, and the many Christian religions, meaning the conventions and interpretations and beliefs of the Christian-based denomination that you or I might belong to.

    I am no theologian or church historian, but I'm familiar with enough of it to know that things have been evolving pretty much since Easter Sunday, and without having Jesus himself standing there saying "Yes, this is what I meant", or "No, you've got it wrong", it's pretty hard to determine exactly what he would have thought about homosexuality. He doesn't say anything about it, after all. The Old Testament has a few isolated comments about it, but realistically, the OT also has a lot of other very dated elements like stoning and such that we have all moved well past, so if we're not stoning adulterous women, why should we automatically assume that gays are unacceptable?

    Jesus very clearly did accept and love people who were generally thought of as the outcasts of society, and even in today's world, gays are often put in that position, so my firm belief is that he wouldn't have the slightest problem with any of us who do not fit the typical mold.

    So, that being said, if you want to, go ahead and pray! The Christian religion you were brought up in and currently are a part of might not approve, but I see no reason to believe that Jesus would have a problem with it. And he's the one that really matters anyhow, right?
     
  11. Lexington

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2007
    Messages:
    11,409
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    Colorado
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    There once was a huge flood, and a guy climbed up onto the roof and prayed for God to save him. A woman came by in a rowboat and told him to get in, but he told her "That's OK - God will look after me" and continued praying. A while later, with the water still rising, two men came by in a larger boat, but again, the man waved them away. "It's all right - God will look after me." Much later, with the water lapping at the roof of his house, a helicopter came by. And again, the man waved it away. "That's all right - God will look after me." He continued praying, but the water continued rising, and the man drowned.

    Once in heaven, the man asked God, "God, I prayed for you to look after me. What happened?" God responded, "What do you mean - 'what happened'? I sent two boats and a helicopter for you!"

    ...my point being, maybe you should focus less on the praying, and more on the boats, if you catch my meaning. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  12. Choirboy

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 21, 2013
    Messages:
    1,672
    Likes Received:
    427
    Location:
    Wisconsin
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Obviously....another story is the man who prayed over and over to win the lottery and get his family out of poverty. God keeps answering, "You will win, you will win". But it never happens, so one day he prays again, "Why do you krrrp telling you I will win, and I never do? Why am I still poor?" God replies, "Meet me half way, my son. Buy a ticket!"

    My assumption, cantaccept, is that the main reason for you post was some kind of validation that it's acceptable to pray that you find someone, not that God will drop some horny, hunky guy from the sky, like Michael Biehn in Terminator, who won't rest till he finds you. (DAMN!) My opinion on the prayer part of that is an absolute, 100% YES. Personally, I don't think that there's anything wrong with it, and the faith that I'm part of teaches that God is always listening, and always answers one way or another (but beware--the answer may not be the one you want--or it may be another question!).

    But do remember, pray if you feel it helps, but don't forget to buy a few tickets now and then.
     
  13. cantaccept

    cantaccept Guest

    thansk for the website. i checked this out a few weeks ago so it's good to know others use it too. looks like there's a forum there too. maybe helpful as well. thanks for your kind words.

    ---------- Post added 30th Oct 2013 at 02:18 PM ----------

    thank you but the boats are speedboats and only looking for a good time. that's not what i am after which was the whole point of my post.

    ---------- Post added 30th Oct 2013 at 02:20 PM ----------

    thanks, it just seems like i have tried to buy tickets everyone but the movies all seem to be R rated instead of PG which is more of where i am at right now. just wondering if there are any options for me in the gay lifestyle.

    ---------- Post added 30th Oct 2013 at 02:39 PM ----------

    thanks. gonna check it out.
     
  14. cantaccept

    cantaccept Guest

    thank you and sorry for my "war and peace" essay and assumed head tripping. i thought this was supposed to be a safe place to express yourself. it's has not been that simple for me but i am glad you have worked it out for yourself. gee thanks.
     
  15. Alejandro

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 1, 2013
    Messages:
    4
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Colombia
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Hi, I feel just like you and is really frustrating, sometimes I wonder if I can try to live "healthy" in half "sick" world, I do not judge everyone because it would generalize, but it's really sad when you fail trying to know anyone who is not crazy about sex or stuff ... I hope someday, just like you find someone like that.

    About pray ... I believe God is much more than what it says religion but is a really confusing issue for us because we are many prejudices impestos preceded by the church.

    btw, sorry my english.
     
  16. An Gentleman

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 20, 2013
    Messages:
    1,673
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Cali
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    #16 An Gentleman, Nov 1, 2013
    Last edited: Nov 1, 2013
  17. sldanlm

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2013
    Messages:
    1,322
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Eastern U.S.A. commuter
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Without quoting everything, you said, in part

    "but i seem to have a knack for meeting the ones that are sexualized (overly). it's turned me off to even the thought of sex with a guy because instead of an expression of emotion, love and feelings, it seems like a knee jerk obligation or expectation from most guys. so i was thinking that maybe i could pray for a gay guy that is christian, abstinent, or waiting for that special someone as well as me. but i guess i started to wonder, can i even pray to meet a guy? would God honor my pray or even listen to me to pray for something like that."

    I have no knowledge about religious issues, am still trying to figure that out myself. I can tell that I grew up in a small town in the South, in a bible thumping family just slightly more tolerant than the Taliban. A teenage friend of mine who was forced by her parents to go to conversion therapy when she publically kissed her girlfriend told me when she was pronounced "cured" and got out, said that in one session that God hates homosexuality so much that it's better to die straight than to live gay, because one soul will go to heaven and the other will burn in hell for all time. My parents shared this nonsense, because when I finally had the courage to come out to them, my mother told me I was no longer her daughter, and has never forgiven me. My Dad didn't approve either, but he tried to tell her, "Have you heard the old saying, hate the sin but love the sinner?" Sbe replied with "Don't give me that claptrap, it's your fault that she's this way!"

    That was five years ago, and I realized that religious extremism is a mental illness. I believe in God now, although I can't say my faith has always been strong, but I don't accept what some religions are dishing out about God. Perhaps I'll seek guidance from that Christian gay link, I don't know.

    What I CAN tell you is don't worry about the oversexual ones, straight people have to deal with that too. I had the exact same problem in high school, but later on when I got to college, I found my soulmate, the love of my life. I found someone who fulfilled my emotional needs as well as my sexual desires, and who also wanted a monogamous relationship. If Gay marriage was legal in my state we would've gotten married.

    Good luck.
     
  18. cantaccept

    cantaccept Guest

    wow your parents sound like a real piece of work. sorry to hear your mom was like that. i sometimes think that people create their own ideas of who God is that has absolutely nothing to do with God but has everything to do with themselves.
     
  19. sldanlm

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2013
    Messages:
    1,322
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Eastern U.S.A. commuter
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    That's what I think too, about God and people. Sorry for bringing up about my mom. I'm not used to answering questions on a website, and tend to answer things based on my own experiences or what I've seen happen to other people sometimes. I realize now I might sound like I'm still venting, particulary about traditional religion. People on here have their own problems, and don't need to hear my baggage.

    I tend to agree with what some others have posted, about praying for a gay mate, that story of the flood and the boat and helicopters. Or as my dad once said, "God helps those who try to help themselves."
     
  20. PeteNJ

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 30, 2012
    Messages:
    855
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    NJ
    Prayer is always a wonderful thing -- a meditation, connection with God for me.

    For me, its very grounding, centering, a way to feel my soul and heart.

    After I pray or meditate, I'm usually more ready to take on life.

    And life, my friend, is where your prayers become real. You can pray to meet another like minded man. You will only find a like minded man by putting yourself in as many places, venues, situations where you are likely to meet that kind of man.

    Are there online dating sites for gay Christians? I would guess so (but even if I knew of them, not allowed to post here).

    Are there more progressive churches near you (than what you grew up in)? You might start there, going to services or a couple of events. In my areas there are a number of rainbow friendly churches. Yes, the majority of gay folk there do seem to be coupled, but not all... there are plenty of singles. And gay couples always have single friends!

    Also, give some thought to -- is the Christian part most important or is a spiritual man, even if he has a different set of beliefs, someone you might enjoy being with - learning from each other, supporting each other's spirituality? Do you really have to be with a Christian man, or would a spiritual, respectful, trustworthy, open hearted, empathetic man be a good partner, too?

    (edited to add -- you might not know until you try! and it doesn't have to be long term or forever)

    Hugs /Pete