I know this could get complicated but 3 months I started dating a guy in their 60's (I am attracted mostly for older guys) and I fall in love with him. I think he also likes me but sometimes I have some doubts. But there are several problems which affects our relationship: 1) we are 3 hours away 2) I am married and gaining courage for a divorce 3) he is having a litigious divorce but do not live with his wife for many years now 4) he said that we also wants to be with women since he is bisexual 5) we are only seeing each other 1 time a month even thought we contact each other most of the days 6) he said that he is afraid of anyone from his family or friends discovers that he like also guys 7) when we have the opportunity to be together at the weekend because I work and he is retired, I usually travel and go to his place but he only spends one night with me leaving me alone the rest of the weekend because he said that don't want to change his life with afraid people discovering our relationship. I talk with him and said that I didn't like to be so few times with him but he is always finding excuses and said we should take things slowly. He said that he also likes me very much. I do not know what to do, if I quit this relationship or if I have a more serious talk with him. Or if a can propose a reasonable solution, but what solution? What I know is that I cry most of the days because I am a very sensible person and I am so in need of care.
Wow globe, that is a tough one. It seems that you have a good feel for what the pros and cons of the situation are. You seem to be aware of your need, I guess the only question I could really ask is he being reciprocal in your relationship enough for you? One sided would probably make your burden worse and not better in the long term. Perhaps then, a serious talk about this begin a more genuine two-way relationship? In every case, thank you for sharing and opening up with us. Do you have a support network of any other kind right now? That may be one way to help you with what sounds like a bit of loneliness. Please keep talking with us too, I know we are only virtually here, but I have found a lot of strength in just talking things out on EC. All the best.
"2) I am married and gaining courage for a divorce " I think you need to primarily take care of this first. Before even thinking about anyone else. IMO, that is - you have to have a clean slate if you want to have feelings or emotions for anyone else. It is unfair to your current and family. It is the most difficult steps of all. I been there done that - but once you take that leap of Faith IN YOURSELF... you will feel so much better about you. And sometime bouncing from one to the next is not healthy - it's good thing to be alone for a bit to make amends with your past ..with yourself. And cleanse that part of your life. That way you can make more healthier decisions because right now you are sounding pretty reckless. You are putting yourself wayyyy out there hun. Just my .02 cents. Much <3
Thank you for your replies. I think in a certain way I feel lonely and in need of finding someone for love and be loved. For a few months I have been in therapy and we arrived at the conclusion that I should get a divorce and move on. I would love telling my wife about my feelings and explain the situation because we are still good friends but my family are pressuring me for not telling her the true reason behind the divorce because we live in a small city and everybody would knows then being a scandal for the family. I also have been talking with another experienced gay guys and most of them said to me not to be open with my sexual orientation to anyone including my wife. I feel trapped...
