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Why can't the monkeys just stop jumping around in my brain already..

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by dahlia, Nov 2, 2013.

  1. dahlia

    Regular Member

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    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I don't know where I belong. I was straight, but what did I know? I got married so early. Went from a terribly abusive father right into the arms of a terribly abusive man. Finally got out of that. Then had a very close friendship a few years ago with a lesbian and got to feel something I never felt before. I want to feel that again. I feel so much caring and support from the EC community, just wish for something a little more than cyberspace sometimes. I experienced something very special and now I want more. I am middle aged and am not in a college setting where meeting friends who feel like I do is a lot easier. I can either look at this change that was brought to my life as a curse or a gift. I choose gift. I just don't know what to do next. There's no college dorm life for me to meet people. I met my son for dinner last night. While waiting I observed two women greeting each other. They were gay. They embraced and kissed each other hello and all I could think was I wish that were me. I even thought about "peeking" at a lesbian dating site, but I am taking baby steps because I feel scared and alone with this. I have no idea which dating sites are legitimate and being that I'm not out, I don't want to put my picture up. I know I sound like such a wimp but I just never expected to be experiencing this at this point in my life and I want so badly to have someone in my life. I just need to find one friend who happens to be lesbian to introduce me to some people. Sorry for all the rambling..just so many thoughts going through my brain nonstop.Please help me get rid of the monkeys in my head. Thanks so much..
     
  2. Lipstick Leuger

    Full Member

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    We all have to go through with accepting ourselves first and this takes time. It's normal all that you are going through, there really is not a set way to come out and accept yourself as gay. Is there a PFLAG in your area? A gay bar? You only need to get out into the venue, you don't have to pick up people. These things take time so be kind to yoruself and take small steps. Look for onlline communities, such as Soulforce and this one. You will meet others online and eventually someone around you.
     
  3. dahlia

    Regular Member

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    Gender:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Thanks so much for your wonderful advice. It is so comforting to hear that what i'm feeling is normal and part of the process..I am missing the woman that turned my life around so much..and I'm in a lot of pain from that. We were so close but it wasn't meant to be. I guess she was in my life for a certain amount of time..maybe to get me to where I am now. Now there is such a huge void in my life, and I know I need to move on. I feel like she sparked something in me that was deeply tucked away and now I'm left with this horrible longing for more. I checked out the PFLAG website in my area. There's a meeting there in a few weeks. I know I keep writing about the same thoughts over and over. I guess until I get to the next step I need to talk about it. I can't thank you enough for your comforting words...xo