People see me as butch even when I'm dressed femme. Why can't I be pretty?

How much makeup did you put on?

I have seen alot of women that wear too much and look well lets just say odd If you only put a bit on I'm not sure I'm probably not experienced enough to help sowwwyy

 

I would feel totally weird. Were you walking like a femme? I don't think I even know how. Were you swinging your hips or your shoulders?

 

I've decided to just look like me. People can see me however they see me. My "mommy casual" clothes I think are kinda androgynous. I don't care. Sometimes I look a little more femme other times on the butch side.
The weird thing is that I feel more feminine since coming out. Its has nothing to do with what I'm wearing.
If you really want to look more femme maybe go to a good dept store or salon for make up /hair tips. One thing at a time.

 

I wore a skirt this summer to my son's college graduation. Trying to walk like a girl was very difficult, then trying to keep my knees together? That took all my strength.

Yeah, be yourself, definitely.

Rose27, so do I, probably because I know I'm a lesbian and I know I love women. Not femme on the outside at all but girly in other ways.

 

Yes, it is probably the walk, IMO. Maybe your hair?

Well, IDK, my dressing style is pretty much unisex. T-shirt and jeans. Sweatshirt if its cold. Sneakers. ALWAYS sneakers. I've been told that this is a slightly masculine way of dressing but...*shrug* I also walk kinda masculine, but *shrug*

Does it matter? Just be yourself. People should accept that, and you should too!

 

Butch women can be incredibly beautiful and sexy... Especially when they are being themselves. I don't think makeup makes anyone pretty or makes anyone femme. You are what you are. I'm pretty far on the femme side of the spectrum. Even when I have tried to butch it up, I still look femme. I looked femme when I had a buzzcut and wore overalls all the time (it was the 90s). That said I think I'm more attractive when I'm being myself and not trying to look more tomboy / butch than I am inside.

Confidence and self assuredness is sexy as hell.

 

You don't have to be a Femme to be pretty. People pick up on your energy, your energy may be more adrongenous or Butch, so that is what people will read. I am Femme and I tried dressing Butch for a few days once. The results were very uncomfortable for me. No one saw me as Butch, they knew I was Femme, even with shorter hair, no makeup and flannel. I guess I wiggle too much when I walk or something......LOL

There is nothing wrong with being who you are, it is when you are trying to hide who you are and pretend to be who are are not that causes problems. There also is nothing wrong with being Butch(if you identify as such). There are many types of Butch: Stone, Hard, Soft, Sporty, Dapper, Tomboi, etc, the list goes on and on. It does not mean you are a guy, or want to be one, or are not pretty, or have to have short hair and swig beer. It merely shows what type of energy you give off. Female masculinity, or Femininity.

Look at Ellen and Portia. Both have short hair, and wear makeup, but Ellen seems more like she should wear pants and not dresses, Portia, dresses. (Ellen is Soft Butch, Portia Femme) Look at Rachael Maddow, she is very pretty, she has pics of her younger in long hair and makeup, yet she is a Butch. KD Lang is a regular Butch, but she at times wears dresses for concerts. It's about being confident and accepting yoruself. That is what is attractive.

You should dress how you are comfortable, and be yourself, that is what makes a woman beautiful. Being who they are.

 

Ha! I think of my style as fairly androgynous, which I really like - the ability to play up both styles equally and at the same time, but on Halloween a teenage girl that came to my door said, "You look like Ellen!"

To which I said thanks.

I was wearing my 14 yo son's hand me downs, btw. Black sweatpants and a gray thermal. But was also sporting my normal (big eyes) makeup.

 

Read my last post on this thread again...."Sometimes I look a little more femme..." :roflmao: Gotta be honest w/myself & Y'all - There is no "more femme" It's just less butch or androgynous whateverness.

 

Caveat -- so I'm a guy...

I have a pretty shy sense of style. And no real eye for colors, what works together, what works on me.

About a month ago I went shopping for pretty much a whole new ward robe (I've lost 70 lbs). Went with my gay friends. Between them and the advice of the cutest, gayest workers at the places we shopped at -- yes -- I'll say it -- I look fabulous now!

Parsley, you might want to recruit of couple of lesbian (or gay!) friends to go shopping with you (and/or dig through your closet with you!). And yes, it was a total pain in the butt to try on clothes after clothes, in a size too small, in a size too large, etc until I found what fits... (and for me, the mere attention from friends and the guys at the stores was pretty unusual for me to accept).

You might find that having a different perspective and then *trusting* them will be helpful. And then go out in something different/new. Enjoy being you. And I bet you'll get compliments and looks!! HUGS /p

 

I agree completly with what you said. It's funny how people either think they know who you are because of the way you dress, or if they do know you think you have to dress a certain way, or have a certain hairstyle.

When I was in high school, there was a girl who looked really butch. Some kids harrassed her about it, calling her names, questioning her orientation. She was 100% straight, with no confusion about who she was. She desperately wanted a boyfriend, but when she tried to look more feminine to try to attract boys, she had some issues, mainly overdoing it. With some help, things eventually worked out.

When I finally came out to my parents, my father look confused and said, "You don't look like a lesbian."

 

I personally don't think it has anything to do with how you walk...I'm femme on the outside (long-ish hair, I wear mascara daily and occasionally eye shadow, I like wearing dresses in the summer, pretty much people think I'm straight by the way I look)but my personality is more masculine I guess. I don't walk swaying my hips and shoulders, I think only models do that! In fact, I walk with a limp because I was born with CP so to me the walk wouldn't make a huge difference in your appearance. If we saw a pic of you all dressed up maybe we could help you out more if that's what you really want? It's kind of hard to tell you what your doing "wrong" just by your post. But do u have any feminine girl friends you hang out with? U could ask them for advice? But also maybe wearing a dress and makeup etc just isn't your thing