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Coming out to friends while in a hetero relationship

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by ClosetedFather, Nov 4, 2013.

  1. ClosetedFather

    Full Member

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    Location:
    Maryland
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I have been trying to figure out how to come out bisexual to a few friends. Its hard since at the same time I am stay in a relationship with my Girlfriend. It seems kinda weird like Why are you telling me this?

    I attempted to tell one friend this weekend that I knew would not be judgmental but I didn't at all like how it went. Mostly because I was pretty drunk when I finally got her alone to tell her. I told her my girlfriend and I were having problems because I was attracted to men. It was riding in the car and we were close to where we were going and the conversation stop and I was left with silence other than giving her directions.

    I would like to come out to my best friend soon. Mostly because he is becoming more and more homophobic by the day. He has been saying a bunch of stuff and its pissing me off. I will probably come out to him by confronting his homophobic remarks. Atleast let him know it hurts me.

    There are a couple other friends I would like to come out to as well but I just don't know how to have the conversation with out it being weird. The conversation would make sense if I was telling them that I was coming out to live a gay lifestyle. But why would you let the world know you like men if your staying with a woman.

    I would like to compete in the Gay Games next year. If I did and it got out in my sport locally that I competed I just don't know how I would handle those conversations.
     
  2. PeteNJ

    Full Member

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    Location:
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    CP -- I started by telling a couple of my closest friends. That way I had a posse around me who knew me, knew what was going on, guys to talk with.

    I have told some friends (later in my coming out) when I was drunk, too. Its ok, not beating myself up about it, but I would prefer to do it over a cup of coffee. ;-)

    Your homophobic best friend... are you prepared for the worst case with him? Maybe he's not the best "first" person to come out to.

    Thinking about having those first coming out conversations was terribly anxiety provoking and complicated for me. I was in a relationship with a wonderful woman at the time. I got through it by telling some of my story (unhappiness, depression, uncertainty, getting help) then saying "I've accepted that I'm gay." Saying it in the mirror to yourself helps. Saying it out loud in my support group helped me a lot.

    When I started therapy, I thought I'd figure out my fantasies and male attractions -- then box that all up and make a perfect life with my girlfriend. Once I accepted myself, that wasn't to be. I do grieve the loss of her and the life we'd planned. Allow yourself to do the same, too.