I’d like to get an honest opinion, suggestion and advise regarding my current relationship. I just came from a very bad broken relationship with my exGF (BiSexual) last May 2013. She broke it up, though I really want to mend things (though I’ve been lied to and cheated onto by her thru her exGF and by several BFs for so many times. We live together for almost 3 years and we’ve been in a relationship for almost 4 years. When I left the relationship it was hard for me to move on, but I’ve moved on and became very independent. Now, dated July 2013, I met up with a friend who used to live with us in another room in our apartment. Here’s the situation though, why this friend (a she - Straight) also left our flat. Her partner, which has become a friend as well (a tomboy) left her also only maybe a week after my EX left me, without any valid reason at all. However after sometimes, there were rumors that my EX-GF and her EX-GF are having some sort of an affair, from which I cannot truly believe, but was confirmed later on. So, as a good friend and since we are both feeling the same way, we became good buddies since we can relate exactly on how awful our life has become since discovering the news (which from that time, I still did not believe). Now, earlier of August 2013, we developed a mutual relationship and we become more than friends. At first I was really doubtful if she is really into it, but because I have seen and feel it that somehow she truly cares for me, I fall and fall in love with her deeply each and every day. And she’s the one who continually pursues me, because I have asked her personally if she is ready to have a new relationship, and to have it with me, she was very sincere that time. However, after two months of living together I have hit rock bottom (nearly lost my job, got almost homeless and penniless) and at first she was there and then there are times she’s drifting away. By the 2nd week of October 2013 she confesses that she is starting to have feelings with an EXPAT office mate (Hindu boy) who used to court her before and is now again courting her. Anyway, we are both ASIAN and Catholic at the same time (I don’t have anything against any religion, just citing that I knew what would be her problems with her lover boy). It hurts like hell that time, and I can’t seem to believe that I almost overdosed myself with some OTC medicines and vodka. However, I realized I just need to breathe some fresh air and think over what have I done with my life. At first, I really tried to move out yet she asked me to come back. She keeps on telling me how confused she becomes and how she wanted to have space in the meantime, yet she still wants to see me. Then recently, I told her that I will be moving out for good already since she still can’t decide until now, but she keeps on asking me what she will do if she wanted to see me and to wait for her until she made up her mind. And yes, we still say “I Love You’s” with each other, cuddle, we still kiss, we still hug each other and still have good sex. Now, it’s getting me confused as well, because I really don’t know where to stand. And it’s tearing me apart knowing that everyday I’m starting to lose her, and sometimes my jealousy is eating me alive because I can’t help thinking what’s happening when she is in the office and when she’s going out for an office gathering. Yet at the end of the day, my feelings of love over her haven’t changed at all and are far heavier than the hate I should be feeling after all. I know that I’ve been kidding myself with this relationship and that I just keep hurting and torturing myself if I still continue to see her, but God knows I’ve really fallen for her, and it’s getting harder and harder for me to leave her. I even told her that I love her more than I love my EX even though ours is just for a couple of months, which I really pleaded true. And she knows it and believed it. And now, I don’t even know if we are together or not. Now, here’s the question… Does she really love me? Or is she just lonely and wanted to have my good company? Where did I gone wrong? Did we move so fast to put a label in our relationship? I’m getting crazy and it’s almost a month now that I can’t have a good sleep and I’m really starting to lose weight so fast because it’s draining my brain.
Hi there and welcome to EC! I'm sorry to hear that you're so upset. That is never good. I'm a little confused with your story though. Your current girlfriend is actually a previous room mate. You say at the top of the second paragraph that this friend is a she and she is straight. But you're also a female, right? So this person can't be straight if they were dating a woman before and now is dating you... At any rate, you both have entered this relationship on the 'rebound' - meaning you were both recently out of long term relationships. And that's a difficult time to enter a new relationship - quite often people enter the new relationship for the wrong reasons. The bottom line is this - if you're current girlfriend isn't making you happy then they are not the right person for you. The right person for you would love you as much as you love her, and would let you sleep at night and feel comfortable and secure in your relationship. That is not how you're feeling, so that is not the person for you. That would be my opinion. I think you should move on and stay single for a while. Make new friends. Establish new hobbies or spend more time in existing ones. Join a gym or take classes - anything to break the current routine and get you out to meet new people. Good luck!
Thanks JIM!!! Today, I moved out with a heavy heart and I'm planning to FOCUS on myself. >>> Yeah I know, that's why I'm getting crazy... but that's what she claims so let it be. >>> I made it clear that mine was not a rebound when we started (because if it does, on my part it won't hurt that much) but now I have full doubts with her intentions since this is happening. >>> This is the very reason I come across this site, coz as of now I feel so alone. Working in Gulf Region is a stressful thing to do, you don't get to meet a lot of very sincere person around here. Again thanks!!! :icon_wink
Getting a commitment out of anyone has to be hard under the fear of criminal prosecution. Even the best of relationships will strain under these circumstances. Its wonderful you are concentrating on you for a while. Good luck and stay safe.
