Since I came out to myself at age 24 (fairly recently) I have been torn between jumping into same-sex relationships and denying myself these experiences. Having been sexually repressed for so many years, I experienced a strong dose of fear along with the excitement of coming out to myself. Now that I'm dating a wonderful girl, these fears have mostly subsided. However, I still have moments of panic. Some days I think "It's never too late. Go put on a tight shirt and pick up some guys! You can still date men if you want to." But then I hang out with my girlfriend and things are so wonderful I forget about that. There are also moments of doubt when we are being intimate, that I can't believe this is happening. I wonder how I got to this point and if I'm sure that this is what I want. And would this work out long term? Do I want it to? What if she wants to and I don't and I have to break it to her? I'm afraid of one day waking up and realizing I've been straight all along. I'm afraid of hurting her. I'm afraid my parents say "we knew it, that was just a phase!" I fear that if I get this wrong both of us will end up humiliated and hurt. And then I see her and I smile and things are better. And for a moment the fear disappears.
