...and after lots of struggle in my life I finally have come to a point where I can say that I am fine. It almost took me 42 years. I did not know who I am and what I wanted most of this time. The best thing I did in my life was finally coming out as a lesbian to myself in 2011. I still have to work on myself and it isn't perfect yet, but finally took my life in my own hands there in 2011 and that was a good decision. I am still married to my husband. He knows that I'm a lesbian and is ok with it. We have decided to raise the kids (nine and seven) together. He has accepted me having a girlfriend, he says that he loves me and wants me to be happy. This point was not easy for neither of us, obviously more for him because it hit out of nowhere even if there had been signs. Getting divorced is not an option right now because our younger child has special needs so he totally can't deal with changes in his life. My lovely girlfriend is accepting my situation and totally fine with the way I handle it. We have lot of plans for later in life when my kids have grown up. That's where I am now. I am sorry for my English, it not my first language so expressing my feelings and these quite personal issues is a little bit difficulty for me :icon_redf but I hope that you can understand me.
I find it fascinating to see how different everyone's approaches are to the changes in their lives. Some people make a clean break, and others manage to keep the good parts of their old lives and move in a new direction. Sounds like you have a very accepting husband and are taking a very sensible approach to things. Thanks for telling us what's going on. By the way, your English is quite good!
Your English is quite good (trust me I taught conversational English in Europe for many years), you are most welcome here, and thank you for sharing!
Your English is very good. It sounds like your husband and girlfriend are very supportive and understanding so far. Hope that it continues
First of all, HI! Second, your English is fine. English is not my native language as well, because I'm Asian, I think there's nothing wrong in our English though (hahaha). Sounds like you have a very interesting life and you are surrounded by people who loves you. That's a good thing to know, we will seldom see such people like those nowadays. Hope all is well for you and the rest of the family and your loved ones.
Hi Mermaid, and welcome to EC! Certain "arrangements" are sometimes necessary, if it works, then why not!
Welcome Mermaid. I think it is excellent how all of you are handling this with maturity for the sake of your child.
Your situation seems to be working itself out very nicely! I admire your courage in coming out to your husband, because I know how hard it must have been. It is great that both of you are putting your children first. That is always the right thing to do. So many children suffer because of selfish and stupid parents. It is wonderful to see that your priorities are so right!
Hey there mermaid. I haven't been on here in a while. I came out to myself about a year ago, and to my husband in January of this year. We have three children and we're still married. This is quite a transitional phase in our lives, and we're still not sure how it's going to pan out, but you're not alone!
Thank you all for your kind welcome to this great community(&&&) and your sweet words about my English. Being able to share my thoughts with you has helped me so much, I got a whole new perspective on life by reading many of your stories here on EC. I have not been living authentic for a long time, mostly because I didn't know who I am and what I wanted with my life and I think I was depressed. When I finally came out to myself it was a great relief but I did not have so many choices what to do about my life. I wanted to live on my own by then but it is almost impossible to find a flat to let in this town. (can't afford buying one) I even need help with taking care of my children while I'm working but my whole family is living too far away from us. I felt totally lost at this time, did not know in which direction I should go and cried a lot. How could I live authentic as a lesbian without hurting my husband and my kids? I needed to be with a woman to confirm that it was what I wanted (and yes, it is! :icon_bigg ) though I hated to be a cheater. I did hurt both of them, my husband and my girlfriend. Talking extensive to both of them helped and we finally sorted it out. It still is not easy but it works right now for all of us.
Congratulations on being brave enough to be yourself! I am in a very similar situation. At the moment my wife and bf are both very accepting, but I do wonder sometimes if this can actually work long time. So far so good though Wishing you much happiness on this new journey you are on!
Thank you, BiDad3, I wish you the same for your journey! (*hug*) For some days ago, I visited my girlfriend who lives in a town two hours away by train. She's wonderful and I do love her more for every time we meet. We don't have so much time together, because I like to come home when the children still are awake so I can kiss them goodnight but we are enjoying every minute of our precious time together. We are talking a lot about Life, about our families and friends, our closet- states :icon_wink and about our plans for a future together when my kids are a bit older and more independent. None of these plans is manifest because I just don't know how my youngest child will develop. He might need help for 15 more years and he is very sensitive for every change in his routines. As it is now, my husband doesn't want her to get some contact with the children which I can understand. He doesn't want to talk to her either right now but maybe in some years. He is so great. M, my girlfriend, always gives me small gifts for the children, toys, clothes, useful things and the children do love all of those things even if they don't know that it's from her. :icon_sad: I would like to tell the kids about her but I don't know if they would understand that I'm still loving their daddy and that M doesn't want to split the family. How did your children take it when you told them about a new partner? For M, the happiness and well-being of our children comes in first place. She is mother to a teenage-girl so she knows what it is like to be a parent. I would love to share the rest of my live and get old with her. Maybe that I can move in with her in 10 to 15 years, who knows. She has plans for buying a new bed, a bit bigger than the one she has now. I slept over at her place once which felt amazing yet it only was possible because my children slept over at their grandparents house. Oh I am longing after being able to spend the night with her again. We both love having sex with each other, which feels great and I never thought I actually would be able to open up to and enjoy this much. When I have to leave she usually accompanies me to the main train station and we use to talk until I have to get onto the train. Then we usually mess some times. I'm so happy that we got to know each other. She is a wonderful person and I feel so blessed. Thank you for listening!:eusa_clap
Mermaid, you are truly blessed by the sheer amount of pure love in your life. Count your blessings, do not question, but continue to cherish each and every one for their uniqueness and merit. You must truly be a wonderful person to attract such riches to yourself.
Dragonbait, I'm sorry for the delayed answer. Your kind words left me speechless in a positive way and I had to digest them before I felt ready to react. Thank you! I have never been able to feel as a wonderful person until a few month ago when I decided to receive what my husband, my girlfriend, my coworkers, neighbors etc. are telling me all the time... Just sad that my parents and the rest of my family never were able to make me feel unconditionally loved and accepted for whom I was. I always felt awkward, stupid and worthless as a child and it didn't get better when I got sexually abused only six years old.(not by a member of family) I never told anyone until I finally opened up for a friend ( a survivor herself) twelve years later and I started therapy twenty years later. I had a lots of thoughts about the best method for suicide when I was sixteen but I never tried to conduct it because I didn't believe I could succeed with that neither. It took me a long time to get rid of those valuations my family, school and others gave me and I now can see as clear as I never could before. Wow, and it is feeling great! Thank you, Dragonbait and anybody else here on EC who wrote to me or whose wisdom I was allowed to take part of by reading their postings!
Hi mermaid. I am 53 years young and after 3 marriages have finally decided I am gay. I am in the midst of an ugly divorce. I had an affair with a woman and although I never admitted to it I have realized that I prefer the company of women. I married the typical "bad boys" and realized at last that this was a way of trying to prove to myself I was hetero. I am not 'out' yet as my divorce is looming and the affair would hurt me very much financially. I have been in therapy to get over the guilt of being unfaithful. My husband has treated me so badly for so long. But I am coming to realize I am worthy and happy as a 'late in life lesbian'. I hope to meet some folks on here to chat with. And maybe a pen pal or two. You sound lucky to have an understanding husband. Good luck to you!
Hi Sara and welcome to EC! There is a welcome- area at the top of this board where you can post a presentation. I. think that you will get more responses there. Then you might want to write a presentation here on LGBT Later in Life, too. Good luck!
