Coming out to wife in a small town, is it possible without much damage?

I am afraid we can't tell you. You know your wife and you are the one who can guess what she will do.
Does she think that you have a picture perfect marriage? Is she happy?
Do you have problems?
What do you want to do? Why do you want to tell her? To let her know why you want to divorce?

 

If your married life is unhappy now, how will it be in ten years time?

 

I'm not so sure its so much about the small town as it is about what she'll do with the news.

When I came out to my former GF, I had hoped to keep the gay part quiet for a while, because of my kids. Didn't work out that way. She was ok for a little bit, then got very sad and angry and said she couldn't keep the secret. At that point, I seized the day and told people in my world, so it would be my news.

For you, do you have a "posse" of friends, straight and gay, who will support you? And is your job secure?

In many small town and/or religious families divorce and break ups are scandalous, regardless of circumstances. You being gay might heighten that -- of course, but maybe not so much?

All the best / Pete

 

Yeesh, that sounds like quite a pickle. I know that getting divorced in a small town is no picnic. Trust me, I've done it. It sucks. It's a real pain in the ass because everyone talks as soon as they see the smoke rising from the fire, if you will.

However, there's nothing more rewarding than getting on with your life and moving on to things that will make you happy. I was miserable with my ex-husband, and I took a lot of shit for cheating on him with a younger guy, especially for as long as I did before he found out. But it's nice when everything settles down, and you're allowed to go ahead and live your life.

Besides, I knew the right thing to do was tell my ex that I was sleeping with someone else and that I wanted to separate, but he found out by going through my phone. In fact, even then, I never really confessed to it. I just said that if he knows what's going on, he doesn't need to hear it from me. So yeah, it's probably best if you say something instead of her just randomly finding out, especially because, in a small town, there's a higher chance of that happening.

I wish you the best of luck. I'm here for you because, in some ways, I've been there. Take care of yourself. If you want to talk, feel free to drop me a line.

 

Being in a happy relationship would make this very difficult for both of you. Only you can know for sure what to do in the end. Either way, all the best with it for both of you.