I'm sure anyone that read my previous thread saw this coming. What a train wreck! I'm in love with her. I fluctuate between wanting to stay away from her because she is not lesbian or bi, she's a married woman that does not want to be a cheater and then I think well if she is sometimes flirting, it's not all on me. Though if I am honest with myself, it really is on me because I keep it going; she does not. If I thought she would consider a relationship with me, I would pursue this full force. I don't think she would. She could potentially kiss me or even do more but I do think she would feel guilt for cheating and possibly shame for it being with a woman. I am so in love with her. I don't know what to do with these feelings. I think about her often. She is always the last thing that I think about when I go to bed at night and the first thing I think about in the morning. The first thing I look for in the morning is a text or email from her even if it is just a stupid work email about books or something. This is so foolish. I have truly fallen for her now and there isn't a damn thing I can do to feel otherwise. :bang:
Hi. Not much advice to add as I'm new. I was the married straight one a year ago, fell in love with someone who had a crush on me for ages before she revealed her feelings. We had an affair. The cheating nearly drove me mad. I ended it. Now we are both in a mess! I'm struggling to work out what to do about my marriage and my sexuality and further along the road to going crazy! Tell her how you feel if it helps get it out but otherwise let it pass and fade (it will) and respect her for not wanting to cheat. You sound like you do already anyway... Vent here and keep repeating 'this too small pass'. Good luck xx ---------- Post added 11th Nov 2013 at 12:45 PM ---------- Shall pass! Not small pass. Oops.
If you love her, if you truly love her then you wouldn't ever want to do anything to hurt or upset her. Your feelings in and of themselves wouldn't hurt her, but acting on them in any way would have a huge negative impact both on her life, and on your partner's life. You can't help how you feel, but moving forward you can help what you do about it. Be conscious to not make decisions that would leave a tide of destruction in their wake. Apart from that, the best way to help these feelings pass is to break contact with her for awhile (maybe a long while). That will not feel good especially since it sounds like you two have gotten to be in rather close contact, but it may help you resolve enough of your feelings that you are able to go back to having a friendship with her in the future. Best of luck.
It doesn't feel as if it will pass anytime soon. Thanks for sharing your insights. Best of luck to you. ---------- Post added 12th Nov 2013 at 07:55 PM ---------- We work together in the same department. I couldn't avoid her even if I wanted to. I can't break contact. ---------- Post added 12th Nov 2013 at 08:01 PM ---------- I know you understand this HopeFloats! I'm questioning my relationship with my partner. I'm trying not to idolize my crush and demonize my partner. Neither are perfect. It's just that my crush us so kind, considerate and appreciates me. My partner often, most often if I'm honest, does not appreciate me. She can be selfish. I know we all can but my feeling is that if the situation were reversed, she would not hesitate to follow up on it. I know that's unfair since I'm the one not quite being above board but those are my feelings and I have reason for feeling that way. Would I break up with my partner if things were not moving ahead with my crush? Probably not.
My crush has said that although she wasn't satisfied or happy any more that she wouldn't have upset the apple cart (my words not hers) except for her feelings for me. She and her estranged partner (is that what you say when someone is separated?) have a lot of financial and practical stuff to untangle. But she left their home and is openly dating me now. (She is living with a friend.) My crush - after confirming that I had feelings for her too- told her partner about her feelings for me before we'd had any physical contact at all. We had t even brushed hands accidentally because we were both so hypersensitive about not touching before we realized that the feelings & attraction were reciprocal. It was really important to us to be as above board as possible. Of course when I tried not to talk to or see her - after they'd started couples counseling- I failed. We weren't as above board at that point. But we didn't have sex until they separated. If you're worried about guilt I recommend trying to stay above board. But at some point do you think the "conversation" with your crush is inevitable? I had reached that point with my crush. I knew we had to talk about the line we'd crossed with our flirty emails.
We are not in the obvious flirty category yet. We are in the subtle and only if you know might it be flirty category. If they were read by someone else, they would appear that we are just good friends, which we are becoming good friends though we aren't there yet. The texts would be suspect because of the volume and personal content though not inappropriate. I wouldn't want my partner to see them but that only my guilty conscience. If they were read it would be assumed we are good friends. Oh I think we could go on in this quiet overly observant awareness of each other's presence and reacting positively to that proximity between us. Being that I rarely if ever make the first move with women, this could go on for years. I don't see her making the first move and well she is married and probably hasn't ever cheated with anyone, let alone another woman.
Femme, we have all been in love with someone who was out of touch. I know I have. My advice is to move on as soon as possible. If you approach her in a romantic way and she rejects you, which is probable, you will have hurt both of you. She is straight and she is married. Move on. Find another girl. There are many women out there who would be glad to be with you. You can find one and be happy with her.
