I'm just tired of bad days. I'm tired of being treated like I'm worse than dog shit on the bottom of a shoe. I'm tired of being told it's all my fault. I'm tired of not being able to find a job. I'm tired of not knowing where my next dime is coming from. I'm tired of STBX assuming because I'm gay, I deserve to mot know or be involved in the decision making for my kid. I'm tired of feeling alone. I'm Just Tired.
I hear you. I'm tired, very tired. We have different stuff but my wife definitely treats me as if I'm a guilty party. I've done nothing to her. We need to be strong and not give up.
I totally understand how you feel. I can almost hear your voice speaking the words. It's mental and emotional fatigue, which can be as debilitating as physical fatigue and can be harder on you. Don't give up! Just posting here means that you are strong and you can get through this. All of us have endured the same thing and we support you!!
Been tired for soo long too There is this massive scream stuck in my gut. Also I Hate fucking holidays. I hate the -you don't-exist attitude I get from stbfx family. "Yah i'm a fag. Get over it assholes!" i'm done ranting! Hugs for my EC family! (&&&) When I reach my stress limit something good & hopeful always happens to keep me from cracking! Always! Really! (&&&)
Alright people, let's say out loud tonight: say around 11 PM (whenever 11 PM is in your time zone), say it with your voice, not your head! Yeah, I'm a fag, get a life, assholes! There...I feel better already.
greatwhale,EC Brother Saying those words felt good! Empowering!! ---------- Post added 18th Nov 2013 at 09:46 PM ---------- Heard Nancy Sinatra's 'These Boots are made for walking' today while driving. Its an oldie but a great song! Need to get some Ass kickin' boots!
Thanks everyone. The night was better. I went to a meeting of a local organization that I belong to. I've been avoiding it for the last 2 1/2 months. I'm an officer, and going to a meeting was simply more than I could emotionally handle. I offered to resign, but they told me don't worry, just come when I could. Tonight, was a regional meeting. There were some people there that know what is going on and were really, really nice to me. I wasn't planning on staying for dinner because, I simply couldn't afford it. However, 2 people told me I wasn't allowed to leave and they would take care of it. I kinda had to laugh because one of them always acted like I was annoying her before all of this. However, the last 3 months, she's been nicer than I could have ever asked for. I also got an appointment with a LSW for Wednesday. I was referred to him because he's gay. I called and talked to his receptionist and told her that I didn't know what he could do for me or if I could even pay him, but I was told to call him (he knows I've got another shrink). His receptionist told me to come in on Wednesday and don't worry about the money. I'm not sure what I'm looking for from him, maybe just to know that I'm not alone and that there are other gay guys in my hometown. So, I basically I had a shitty day, and a better evening. Thanks for listening! ---------- Post added 19th Nov 2013 at 12:12 AM ---------- Thanks! I think that this is the best idea I've heard in awhile!
Hi there! First off, I am glad that your evening went well, and that you decided to go to the organization's meeting and stayed for the dinner. It sounds like you do have a couple of people who could turn out to be important to your feeling of feeling included and perhaps also gaining a sense that things are slowly getting back on track. Knowing that you are not alone in this, is a great start. You do deserve to be treated better and live your life. No question about it. What could help, and in particular if you have a couple of bad days in a row, take a break from the things you are doing. Take a day off, just for yourself. Reconnect with the things that give you worthiness, a sense of enjoyment, a sense of serenity. And yep... if somebody has a problem with you being gay, it's their problem! They need to get on with the program. Hope you will have better days coming your way. (*hug*)
I too had a crappy morning and a much better evening. The roller coaster is real. Just remember there will be a peak after every valley. Good for you for getting out and staying for dinner. Amazing what a little socializing can do.
I've got a mind tick this am. "I'm a fag" is making me smile. Even if its only in my head fag is a happy word. Its freeing!
I love your update! Thank you for sharing it. I need to hear the good things happening to all of you. It helps me get through.
Haha I might be in the pub and seeing as I'm still in the closet everyone will just think I've just had too much to drink
