Should I risk it?

Nothing wrong with going to a gay club alone, provided you go in with the right mindset. It seems some people go in thinking others will start walking up, introducing themselves, and giving friendly advice and pointers. And generally, that doesn't happen. Chances are - you won't be approached. Not because I think you're unattractive or anything, but because 1. most people in gay clubs tend to be involved in their own little groups, and 2. newbies do tend to project a sort of "deer-in-the-headlights" vibe, which isn't the most inviting.

So if you go, go with the intention of simply checking out the "vibe" of the place. And if you feel up to it, go up to others who look like they might be alone, and introduce yourself.

Lex

 

That is why apps were invented, you don't need to go anywhere.

I have had some good conversations on the apps.

Unless you are really out going then I think going to a bar , any bar gay or straight wouldn't work.

 

I'm with Cool Bananas. If I walked into a bar by myself (gay or straight), I'd be looking for the nearest table to hide under. But online, I'm meeting people, getting to know them and if we seem to strike a chord, planning a low-pressure meeting, like tea or a drink.

Might be worth checking into. Although what would it cost you to try a night out? One night of your life? At least you'd know what it's like.

Good luck!

 

I recently went into the only gay oriented night club around here to see what it was like, never having been to one before. They have a web site showing pictures of the place packed with young people dressed in costumes, togas, all dancing and seeming to be having a good time. Couples as well as paired males and women and singles. I went on a Friday night, expecting the place to be jumping.

It was almost totally empty, just a few people sitting at the several bars, talking to the bartenders. Music blaring, but the dance floor empty. Stick-a-fork-in-it-it's-done stone cold dead. If you tried to have a conversation with anyone you wouldn't be able to hear what they were saying because the music was so loud. I walked around the three-story levels of the place without anyone even noticing I was there. I don't drink, so there was no point in sitting down at one of the bars and saying "give me nothing" and talking to a bored bartender.

My mind imagined it would be like scenes in "Babylon" on Queer As Folk, with sweaty shirtless young guys dancing furiously and grabbing and rubbing up against each other, trying to decide who to take home to bed. It was more like Archie Bunker's Place, or Moe's Bar with a few intoxicated men sitting at the bar hunched over their glasses drinking Duff beer. I was "outta there" in less than 5 minutes. There weren't even any tables to hide under, Dragonbait, nor anyone to hide from. I could have been dressed up like Elvis or Liberace covered in sequins and no one would have noticed.

So, if you are all tense about going to a "gay" night club, and risk "outing" yourself in public to explore your sexuality, you may be wasting your time worrying about it; the most dangerous and exciting thing will probably be driving there in traffic. But, I wouldn't worry about getting into a bar fight, or getting your face smashed in, unless you want to start a fight with the bartender. Probably no one will notice you are there, or give a flip that you might be gay, since most of the guys there are.

 

Face smashed in? You must be in Newcastle!!!

Seriously though. Have you thought of other means of meeting people? Clubbing can be such a disappointment unless you intend a basic hook up

I am thinking of a number of nationwide LGBT activity groups ( I could give you some details) or there may be other local ones that might be in your area. Depending where you are of course.

I think expanding circles of gay friends is very important and supporting

 

I went to a gay club myself recently. Went alone was good fun loads of dancing and the place was packed nobody really took any notice of me aside from the usual eye glancing thing that all gays seem to do.... Does this actually ever go anywhere?

Anyways was definitely worth going to

 

I agree with bingostring. I wouldn't go to a bar, not my scene. But, there are lots of opportunities for various groups of gay men to meet but I'm in the New York area. I don't know where you live but if there's an LGBT center, anywhere near you, find it.

 

Yossarian, it sounds like you went early (maybe not actually early in the evening but early for a gay club). In my experience places don't get crowded until midnight or so. Of course, that makes it difficult to go for me - since I have a 3 year old.

 

Could be, but they roll up the sidewalks around here pretty early. I think it was around 9:30PM IIRC. The place was like a funeral parlor with disco music instead of organs.

 

Go to the club or bar. Take your phone. Order a drink, doesn't have to be alcohol, chat up the bar tender. Check your messages, go on the web... and just be there with the vibe of the place.

Maybe you'll strike up a conversation with other men, maybe not. When you're ready go.

To me its all about the questioning/coming out process. Seeing how it all sits with you.

And no -- its not the same as chatting on apps with men, nothing at all like that.

DO IT!