I came out to my mom a few months ago and it went well. I was hoping - perhaps unrealistically- that she would tell other people in the family, so I wouldn't have to. But she didn't. While she's been personally supportive she's also expressed concerns about whether her parents, my grandparents, "need to know right now." I haven't come out to my dad. When I told him I was bi 19.5 years ago, he told that if hat was true I should move far away and not come back. Essentially I have done just that. I love in another state and don't go back often. (Maybe 3 times a year). My mother and father have been divorced for 33 years. My mom, grandparents,and dad are coming to my daughter's birthday party this weekend. I want to introduce my girlfriend at least to my mom. And I think it's high time to come out to my dad again. I'm 38 years old - and out at church and to friends here. But my family I origin stresses me out. I just watched the tedx on coming out by Ash Beckham. She says to be authentic, direct, and unapologetic. Any other advice on how not to regress to a childlike state while dealing with parents and grandparents?
The thing that complicates this for me is that - since my exhusband stopped paying child support 6 months ago- I am financially dependent on my father. I work full time and even changed jobs to make more money, but even with the raise, I'm still bringing in about $1200 less than I was with child support. My daughter is 3 and child care is very expensive. I think it would be easier to be authentic and open (ie vulnerable) if I wasn't dependent on my dad I literally have -93 dollars in my checking account until Friday - unless I go get a cash advance from dad's credit card. And I owe my landlord $300 by the end of the week. My exhusband made more than $200,000 a year, so this is admittedly a shock to my system. (Exhusband is now unemployed by choice). I did start a child support enforcement action since he owes more than $10,000. But that will take awhile to produce any results. It may never happen. I am working on my financial independence so that I don't feel so vulnerable.
This is a struggle, and one that I'm not certain I know how to resolve. Do you think that the financial support from your dad would stop if you came out to him? If so, then it's not worth the risk. On the other hand, he is still supporting you even though you came out as bi almost 20 years ago. Do you think that perhaps his attitudes towards same sex relationships might have changed? Perhaps if he sees you in a loving relationship with your girlfriend, that might change his mind (of course, he could also think that she should be carrying her fair share of the bills and stop paying even if he does accept you - you haven't said anything about if you live together etc) All in all, a difficult situation, and I'm sorry I couldn't offer more help than that
It sucks but I don't think it's worth the risk. When I came out to my parents, although it went well, my confidence and demeanor was in a take it or leave it way. I wasn't dependent on them. As a result they also knew that they couldn't play games with me. My grandparents were dead between 15 and 37 years before I was born, so I don't have advice for them.
Thanks y'all. I don't live with my girlfriend. I think I'll wait on my dad. I'm going to introduce my gf to my mom and grandparents but my grandparents can think she's just a friend. My mom knows that she's my girlfriend : )
I would not make your daughter's birthday the scene for a potential "scene". You have to think about her security as well. IMO it doesn't seem like a good time to do this.
I would never do any of this at my daughter's party. I will be completely focused on her and the other 2 & 3 yr old guests! I just mentioned the birthday party because that's why my family members are coming from out of state. ---------- Post added 21st Nov 2013 at 09:03 AM ---------- My dad is coming just for the party itself. My mom and grandparents will be here for 3 days.
