Greetings folks, As the title says, I went to my 14 y.o. daughter's parent-teacher interview yesterday, alone for the first time (it was nice to not have to self-censor myself as when I was with the wife). My daughter sat with me during these sessions. Her performance is a solid B, which is fine, as I've grown older, I realize that school grades mean next to nothing with regard to how people turn out. She repeated the whole thing with her mother later that evening. We spend too little time together as it is, so it was a treat to see her in the context of her school. She resembles me, not only in appearance but also in other ways. My daughter is a social creature, she is incredibly talented in making friends (one of the few differences between us) and quite artistic. I noticed that she has a very close friend in her school, and, being girls, there was no hesitation whatsoever in their hugging and snuggling (she had a similar friend with similar interactions in her previous high school)...if only guys could be that free and easy with each other (as they are in other cultures)! After the interviews, we went to a restaurant and had a bagel, she intends to have her nose pierced (As her father, I objected, weakly, having just had my own ear pierced...). She just had braces put on her teeth as well, so it was weird seeing her with those things, but I'm glad she's doing it, I never got the chance. She then pulled out her smartphone and showed me a picture of her in a little black dress and high heels (she dressed for a Bar Mitzvah)...to say that she looked stunning would be an understatement! She's also a talented ballet dancer, and it shows in her poise and demeanor...she's growing so fast...
You sound like such an awesome parent. It's really heartwarming to read about you being so good to her. Teenage girls need their fathers... so hug her, hug her close.
It's always shocking to see those sudden indications that they are growing and changing so fast, even when you're living under the same roof. My 16-year-old went to Homecoming a few weeks back and after seeing her all tall and beautiful in the fancy party dress, I looked back at old pictures when she was a little girl, and marveled at how completely different she looked. She also has so strong a resemblance to one of my sisters that at the holidays, if you see them from a distance wearing the regulation jeans and sweater, it's almost impossible to tell them apart. She was born a month before Christmas, and after we brought her home, as a joke, we put red and green tissue paper into a shoebox and placed her wiggling little 5 lb. body in it and snapped a picture, which we used as a Christmas card that year. My 12-year-old came home from play practice with her hair done nicely and a bit too much makeup on, and showed me several black and white selfies she had taken, where she looks like she is in her 20's. She has gone from skinny toddler (both girls were barely 5 lbs. at birth) to chunky grade schooler to slender and graceful almost-teenager, with a family resemblance to her sister, but a completely different build and facial structure that is much closer to my wife's family. (She actually looks like a prettier version of my mother-in-law!) They are both growing up so incredibly fast. My only regrets about where this journey will take me are that I really, truly wanted to have some kind of continuity from their childhood through to their adulthood and beyond. My dad's parents died just before my parents started dating, and then my mom and her parents both died when I was in my mid-20's, and my dad started his long decline. As a kid, I had always envisioned my kids having a stable home with 4 (at least!) grandparents, eventually marrying and having kids who would come visit Grandpa and Grandma in the house, probably, where they had grown up. Long before I accepted being gay, one of the things that kept me here was the desire for that continuity, and adjusting those expectations, for me at least, is the hardest part of all this.
Here's a poem I wrote and recited at her Bat Mitzvah 2 years ago: When you were born, dear D_____ You were joy without expression Love without direction Kindness without object Movement without music Thought without words Religion without memory So we gave you what you needed To become what we needed To discover who you are To learn the lesson of love That every child teaches And now you dance And give your love in all directions And your kindness is the object Given freely The words that we have given you Return to astonish us And the love that you give us freely Is the beauty of your future life The truest love-lesson we could learn That a hug isn’t real until the fingers touch. My wife and I gave separate speeches at this event, during hers, she thanked everyone except me...When I got up next and recited this poem, I had a good reaction from our guests (my objective of embarrassing my daughter was completely successful), so good in fact that my wife's insult was completely forgotten...
Very beautiful. Parenting is not for everyone, and there are plenty of parents who really should not be. But our children are a special kind of gift that we can give to the world, and in doing so, we give ourselves a special gift as well. Once all the blur and swirl is behind you, I'm sure the love you have for your children, and they have for you, will be even stronger than before.
Thank you for your kind words! What is most incredible to me is that they aren't who they are by anything special that we as parents did, they are who they are all on their own! You can't teach friendliness, or talent or any of the many other things that matter...I don't even need to understand them all that much. All I can do, all I need to do, is love them.
A wonderful little story to read - It’s nice to know you’re there for your daughter. On top of that, you can have that nice little father-daughter relationship. If I could have that kind of openness with my Dad, I’d be extremely happy. She’s a very lucky girl to have you for a father. They may come to be like that all on their own, but they had to get their personality from somewhere. You said it yourself, she resembles you in more than just looks. I’d be willing to bet she get the better genes in the pool. Bravo.
This is an interesting one. Sometimes the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, and they are so much like their parents, both in looks and in personal style. I've seen this with kids of siblings and first cousins. I've also seen an entirely new entity spring up in people's kids. It really makes one think. For a parent, I'm sure it makes them appreciate.
Beautiful poem! You are very important to her and she needs you! Cherish it all. My daughter will be legal (21) in a few months, scary! And I've been poring through all her baby and toddler pictures. It goes by fast. Be as involved as you can. I have always gone to every school event & sports event that I could make. The most painful thing for me now, what is can't accept, is that I can't see my son everyday, even if it's briefly. We have to make a plan or arrangements. It totally sucks.
Wow. Both of you guys, Greatwhale and Choirboy, made me completely tear up reading your posts in this thread. Having been an unexpected survivor in life, I've often wondered what my real purpose on this earth has been, but now, as I see my two boys emerging into the adults they will one day become, I can't help but believe that it had something to do with bringing them into the world. Geez, the tears are dripping to the table as I write this. Cherish these moments, both of you. Because as I read GW's first post to this thread a couple of days ago, I was contemplating my next residence as the sale of our home will go thru shortly after the new year, and my STBX is encouraging me to consider if I really need a bedroom for each of them. And as I consider this, I go from being the mom of both a high school and college freshman to being the mom or two young men with partners to being a grandmother in the blink of an eye. And all I can say is truly, take advantage of every moment that you are gifted with your children. Do not sit idly by and allow your ex to steal those from you and do not allow your children to passively skip out on sharing those moments with you. They most certainly will be gone before you know it. And then you will have missed out on these moments of intense pride and joy, like Greatwhale has shared with us here. Congrats to you GW, for taking that time, and sharing in that pride with your daughter. As an unmitigated daddy's girl myself, I can attest to the fact that she will forever appreciate you for it!
Thank you, Arturo, DB and CB! There really was a moment, when she was 4 or 5 that she made up this rule, as kids often do, that when hugging the fingers had to touch, otherwise it wasn't a real hug. For her, and her short little arms, this was quite the challenge when it came to hugging me, but she managed! (&&&)
