All I do all day is sit around on a computer and check out stuff - different media, news other forums. Some TV, a little music, I will shop for foo once a week or so I have a small library to read, nothing like I used to have. If I am lucky I see a real meeting face to face every other week in modern day - people hate real phone conversations. it is all messaging or text and no one wants to touch. It has been 11 years since my partner died and I have not had a real date yet. I tried school while was near one but had to move - now I need to try a new community college but I don't know if I am going to be able to afford it at all since I am on SSDI. Is there any point to just existing?
Yes there is a point. I am just like you, so I don't know why I said that I think isolation, which is what comes over verr clearly can lead to depression and anxiety, social anxiet, malaise and boredom. Groundhog Day ? Can you shake things up? Join some groups. Volunteer somewhere. Get a pet I'm so good at advising others but can't seem to do if for myself ! ---------- Post added 28th Nov 2013 at 08:26 PM ---------- Yes there is a point. I am just like you, so I don't know why I said that I think isolation, which is what comes over verr clearly can lead to depression and anxiety, social anxiet, malaise and boredom. Groundhog Day ? Can you shake things up? Join some groups. Volunteer somewhere. Get a pet I'm so good at advising others but can't seem to do if for myself !
Volunteering is a good idea. Or find a woman's group at your regional lgbt organization. Once you get out of the house your path will change.
no idea what sort of group to join - checked out Meetup - nothing I can find in town Volunteering - going to work with "Food not Bombs" after the holiday - that should start in about two weeks, that is feeding the homeless , vegan meals sat & sun (this is an intersection of 3 interests of mine, I am Vegan, Peace activist and I have been homeless) Pet - against my lease the local group meets for coffee - note in my post I do get out. however sometime one of the partners who leads the group gets ill - so sometimes we miss. since the beginning of Oct when I got to town I have seen them 4 times. Twice for Coffee, Once at a nightclub for a special lesbian night concert (band in town) and once at TDOR they gave me a ride home since it was raining (I ride a bicycle everywhere). I was supposed to be with them to feed homeless last week but I got a real bad UTI (emergency room bad) :***: there goes $90 :eek: in December there is another gathering at the nightclub also
If you ride a bicycle everywhere, then you should be able to enjoy going to a gym; even better if your local community college has one which they allow public access to as a community education program. They are always full of eager students of all ages to work out with, maybe play some light sports or do spin classes with, or to just talk to while you work out. I can't help but also mention that an above average number of women at the gym appear to be lesbians, if that provides you an extra incentive. :icon_wink
I don't think I am in a position to give you any advice but I want to say that I understand what you're experiencing. I have many days where my depression is severe and I feel hopeless about meeting someone and having a happy future. I think the same thoughts about whether there is any point. I really, really push myself to go out and find somewhere to be but I think it must be very hard to be so house bound. Going to work everyday is really important for my sanity. I'm just sorry to hear you're going through such a hard time.
would this be free? until I actually get registered I can't pay, and they have not contacted me yet about starting at the college, I have tried to register there for going there but they have not gotten back to me I really hate being in modern day, you can't even call the damned place now without having registered there online first
I hear you. I have seen this change with younger people. Their phones still work for having conversations. I prefer to talk on the phone. I also prefer to use a land line, when having a cup of coffee or tea, and have a long conversation with a good friend. I don't understand how texting has supplanted conversation. The effect on interpersonal relations is more negative than positive. People have increasingly shown more independence and selfishness, and less commitment and sincerity, as each year goes by. Yes, there is a point to existing, though sometimes I wonder what that might be. You are not the only one who feels this way. Not everyone is willing to express it so honestly.
I would suggest that existence has whatever point you choose to give it. As part of that, it can help to set goals and 'keep an eye out'. As far as what that means - some suggestions: Reading: not sure if you mean you only own a few books or if your local public library is small. If the former, consider going to your public library and augmenting your reading. If the latter, you might talk to them about inter-library loan to borrow books the local branch doesn't have, but which can be 'shipped in' and checked out to you. As far as goals - perhaps find a list of the 'great books' online and make a goal of reading thru it. Or reading about non-western civilization, or books by some types of authors (non-western, LGBT, etc.), or biographies of historical figures, or whatever. As far as keeping an eye out - does the library have a volunteer program? Are there public functions there you could attend for free? Are there any clubs (book clubs or whatever) that meet there that you might join? Etc. Volunteering - are there other groups or causes you could get involved with, either seasonally, or on an ongoing basis? Social, political, whatever? Exercise - even if you can't afford a gym, perhaps take up walking or running? There may also be various groups, events, or organizations in your area that you could do this with, either in general or as an intersection with causes you support. In my area there are a large number of walking/running events for various charities. Some will help you train, even if you've never done this sort of thing before. Museums - much like libraries, they may be free or of nominal cost, either all the time, or on specific days. There may be groups that meet there or they may be looking for volunteers to help out. Parks - good places to walk/run and may also host concerts or other open air events to attend for free or low cost. In a similar vein, you might look to the local zoo or botanical garden or aquarium on general principles, as places groups might meet, and as places that might welcome volunteer support if you want to give it. Local events - does your area do any public celebrations or street fairs or arts/crafts fairs or the like? Maybe history related stuff if your area is historically significant. Can be fun to attend, often for free, or nominal cost. Hobbies - depending on your interests you might look into anything from photography ( cameras are getting cheaper all the time) to coin or stamp collecting to gardening (could be gardening in a flowerpot/house plants, in a patch of ground at your apt complex, or even a public garden that allows that sort of thing), to cooking. Any or all of these might include groups or discussions or classes you might attend. Don't be afraid to learn or try out new things either. Resources - in terms of 'keeping an eye out' you can check online for local events or groups, get on email or newsletter lists for various things, and maybe get a copy of the local newspaper, both the 'formal' one and the 'artsy/alternative' one. And so on. Depending on your situation, interests (don't be afraid to explore outside your comfort zone), and location, you might find yourself moving from 'what is the point of existing?' to 'where am I going to find the time to do everything?' In relatively short order. Hope this helps, Todd
Have you thought about Internet dating in your area? Just make sure you speak to the person and skype or something before you meet them in a public place for coffee or something.
Gym usage policy varies from one school to the next. Access to the fitness center comes with registration at virtually any of them, but many also have a "community education" type of program where you can pay a certain amount per semester and access the gym whether you are enrolled for courses or not. Our local CC also waives the fee for "senior citizens" over 60, so it is essentially "free", particularly if you ride a bike to the gym and don't burn gas in a car getting there. You may have to actually go to the facility to find out what their policies are; sometimes they don't have a lot of literature explaining all the ins and outs mailed out to the community, to reduce operating costs.
I am actually registered on 2 right now ( a site the gets censored ) and have been for quite a while over 3000 questions answered and 100 tests, ( a lesbian exclusive ) (this one is even paid) - and just set up to get listed locally with the group in town - so it is not like I have not put myself out there. I guess I am either less pleasant than I thought or uglier - I never have done well in dating, did not start until after high school :dry:
Kate, do you think you've truly dealt with the grief of your partner? You sound very depressed and I couldn't help wondering if you've ever moved beyond the depression stage of your grief or if you've gotten mired there. It's quite common and unfortunately very easy to do. Sounds to me like you may have died a little bit yourself when you lost that other very significant part of yourself that was your partner. If that is the case, and if money is an issue for you, I do know that all local hospice organizations run bereavement groups that are free and all are welcome to attend. They usually meet at least once a week, and often times lead to other gatherings as attendees get to know each other - such as coffee following a meeting, lunches on other days, things like that. People meeting in these groups for the very first time often become an integral part of each other's support networks and help each other move on through all stages of grief and into acceptance, which is where your own life awaits. Might be worth looking into. ---------- Post added 29th Nov 2013 at 09:45 AM ---------- Wow Todd, just had to compliment you on your suggestions. That is an amazing and incredibly comprehensive list! I'm copying that out to save for my own use down the road, should I ever find some spare time on my own hands! Kudos to you! :eusa_clap And Kate, I have participated in nearly every one of the activities that Todd suggests, and let me tell you, it works! I have always had way more to do than time to do it in, and have developed friendships and incredible memories and found purpose in almost every single one. You by no means need to do them all, but if you can even start with one, I think it will help you find that greater meaning you're searching for.
I guess a few more details might help I still am resentful of the circumstances - and may always be - but I went through years of therapy after her suicide both individual and group , with a psychiatrist and a therapist. and I have also had a rape since then and had group and individual since then. since then the house we owned together has fallen into disrepair and I had to short sell it - I got nothing for it - they sent me a check for it that I could not cash because it needed her signature - and now I am getting added paperwork for lawsuits where I could get even more money from the bank due to things they did if I could AGAIN just have her signature more than upset that I don't have her - I am upset at the injustice of society I would far more meet someone new that I am compatible with
You definitely have been through a lot in the last decade. I hope the end of this year can help you prepare for some new adventures on the horizon. Keep putting yourself out there, one path can lead to many different things you weren't even expecting, but there is a saying, nothing changes if nothing changes that I really believe to be true, so keep trying.
