What does a supportive straight spouse believe, value and say to their queer partner? What are the actions that convince you that they "get it" and are in this world to support, love and cherish you as an ally? Even if you've never experienced this, what would it look like to you if it had existed?
Well....mine has never really responded to me this way as an allegedly STRAIGHT partner, but I would have always liked something along the lines of "We are friends and partners. I value you enough as a person to know that our happiness depends on both of us being able to do things that make us feel whole as a person. That means having our own activities, interests and friends, but still doing some things together, just the two of us, and liking and respecting each other and wanting to have our love and friendship continue. If you believe in your heart that you're gay and the romantic and sexual part of our relationship can't go on, then I'd still like to keep the rest so we can remain part of each others' lives." Outside of the last sentence, I think I'd like ANY partner to feel that way about me.
What choirboy said. It's more than I could hope for and really have no right to expect it. But maybe we can inch closer to it with time.
I'm definitely not in a position to answer this since my wife threw me out of our home, but what choirboy said would def work for me.
Choirboy's ideal response is something we all dream about, but almost never happens in real life. There is usually too much emotional hurt, especially feelings of betrayal and shock, though it is common for partners to have some notion of our genuine identities.