I'm so sorry that I love you. That which should bring you peace will only take it away. Please forgive me. How could I not love you? Your smile touches my soul.
The avatar above me has a word inside the light bulb..Poster #1 We are __LOVE__ and you're sorry? Are you OK?
Don't *ever* apologize for love. Insensitivity, harassment, unwillingness to express what needs to be expressed...these are things that a person has some control over (not that I believe that you're guilty of any of them). But love? Tis an emotion, and a wonderful one at that. As you admit yourself, there is no way you could not love her. So give yourself permission to love. Just be careful about who knows, if that's the important thing here.
I doubt she knows that I'm in love with her. I'm positive that she knows that I like her and I'm attracted to her. I'm also positive that she has some feelings for me beyond friendship. She is mostly attentive, responsive and friendly. There is nothing wrong with those expressions but she has moments of serious smiling, a little teasing and what would be seen as light flirting. Then when I'm so convinced that she's interested, she kind of shuts me out and makes it all business. I know I need to back off and move on not simply because she is married but because I do not believe she would ever cheat let alone consider leaving her husband. This is just so entirely self-destructive. She is not going to have an affair and if she ever did, it would likely be one night that she would feel guilty about and would simply cut me out completely. There is no sense taking away her peace of mind for naught.
Why I even found your comment so hilarious I don't know. You shouldn't apologize for falling in love but its a shity situation to be in so I'm sorry things can't work out they way you would want them to.
It's so hard when you're so attracted to someone. She probably pulls back when she realizes y'all have gotten too close to the line, to clarify the boundary, even if at a subconscious level. You know my girlfriend and I met at work. She was in a LTR with someone else and not out at work at all. She thought I was straight. Over time, she knew she was attracted to me but she thought I was not yet fully aware of my own sexuality! At the same time, I thought I had a one-sided school girl crush. When we started working together almost 3 years ago now, I was recently separated-then divorced from a man and had an infant. And I'm also pretty femme. So I definitely read pretty straight. Anyway, fast-forward to present. She left her partner. We are together and we are not sorry we love each other.
I know that you understand exactly what I'm going through. If she were separated or even simply communicated that there were problems in her marriage, I would pursue her romantically but that's not the case. She obviously has unattended needs that aren't being met but that doesn't mean that she is leaving her husband or even that she would have an affair. I'm not proud to say this but I would definitely be her secret affair. Honestly though I wish I didn't love her because if I ever do tell her how I feel, it will only cause her guilt and shame. She is not going to leave a good man that is also a good provider as her kids will begin going to college. It's just not going to happen. If she does one day decide to do something about her attraction or if I make a move and she just goes with it, it's not going to end well. There will be an end. It's just a matter of how soon. Would it be a one time event or would it go on for a few weeks or even a few months? It doesn't matter. It will end and it will have a bad ending. We work together in the same school and in the same dept. This is just pure foolishness on my part. If I ever confess my feelings she will most likely feel sorry for me and avoid me even if she feels the same. There is no happily ever after here. She may be bisexual or more than likely never considered it or if she ever did she just never considered acting on it. I sincerely doubt that she has ever cheated on her husband and likely never even considered doing so. Why on earth would I want to cause her to question things? If its not going to happen, there is no reason to take away her peace of mind. I'm sure she is having thoughts and wondering what it all means but that is not the same as acting on those desires and then deciding that you just can't do that because you are married with children. She is one of those women that appears to have the perfect life. I know that nothing is as perfect as it appears but what am I offering? An affair? A divorce? Being the subject of gossip? Most likely causing damage (at least initially) to the relationship that she has with her children? Not to mention risking the secure financial future of her kids through a messy divorce which inevitably has financial consequences. Why would I want to do that to her and her children? It's just selfish and stupid and I need to back off and stop living in this fantasy world where we are together as a real couple. It's just not going to happen. :bang:
I can feel the pain behind your words. It must be so hard to accept the fact that you can't be with the one you love because you love her. This depth of love is deep and rare.
I am so sorry Femme. I feel for you. Your respect for her family and its stability is admirable. Even if you never talk about it, she probably is questioning too. But if you truly do not want to upset the apple cart, by all means, don't talk about it. Once my girlfriend and I put words to our feelings, everything changed. She told her partner for one and we had a harder time respecting appropriate boundaries. Talking about it almost breathed life into what had been a fantasy for both of us. Which is great because it has worked out but also very disruptive because they are dealing with a divorce basically. Property, investments, pets, extended family, etc. ---------- Post added 18th Dec 2013 at 12:25 AM ---------- I know you said you weren't going to talk about it with her Femme, I just wanted to reiterate that I support that in light of what you've said about her kids, etc.
