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Gay Dating after Marraige

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by fourkidhusband, Dec 15, 2013.

  1. Hi!

    I am a 37 year old married father of 4 planning on coming out to my wife soon. Although I've liked guys since I was 15 my recent first gay encounter made me realize how much I need to be with men. I've been married for 13 years and have dated my wife since 1994, so the thought of being alone frightens me! She is also a high income earner. I am so frightened of leaving my current life, that I am tempted to explore my dating options before I tell her. However, this isn't fair to her or to the guys I would date. I think I need to tell her and then start dating after the dust settles. What has your experience been with dating after ending a marriage. Do I have anything to fear? Should I explore my sexuality more before I leave her?

    Thank you.
     
  2. oneday004

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    Should I explore my sexuality more before I leave her? Can you live with that? It also may create more friction if she finds out you have been having gay affairs. Do you need a fulltime man or just a roll in the sack once in a while. I think you need to total your losses and gains see what will work for you, in terms of coming out to your wife.

    Im going thru the same thing at this point in my life I came out to wife as gay, cause I want to find the right man and spend my life with him. Some times you lose what you dont want to but, those are the risks. Take the time think long and hard, and make the path with the least resistance for you.
     
  3. TTSP

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  4. skiff

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    Hi,

    All depends on your expectations of the gay scene.

    If you expect bed hopping, open relationship, hook-ups and few gay men with relationship skills comparable to yours (generally sought in the straight scene) you will be fine.

    If you are looking for a long term relationship based in trust, loyalty, abiding love and monogamy; that takes a lot of time and effort to find.

    Keep in mind straights have role models and mentors modelling successful relationship skills 24/7/365. There are few relatable public gay role models and find few gay men have true, long term relationship skills.

    You have modelled strong relationship skills found in the straight world. That is difficult to find in the gay world.

    I would not abandon your skills, just be aware it may take time to find a guy with similar skills.

    My advice... You will most probably find those skills in gay men who were married like you.

    Tom