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Really feel defeated

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Pete1970, Dec 15, 2013.

  1. Pete1970

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    So i really feel defeated today, like ive lost everything.

    The process of coming to terms with being gay and coming out has really hit a standstill. Ive been trying to find social groups where i can find some gay friends where i can just be myself, but havent had any luck. I feel i cant really hang out with my current "friends" because i cant really be myself around them and cant really come out to them as most work with me and im not ready for that yet. Things at home have been very tense and awkward since i told my wife, when there isnt total silence, there are cruel remarks and comments. I know i wasnt happy for a long time, actually miserable, but sometimes i wish i just never said anything. I dont even know that if i did decide to stay and make a go of it, that things will ever be the same. In fact i know they wouldnt.

    So basically, im stuck in limbo with no sense of hope for what the future holds. I feel like i lost everything.

    Sorry for the rant, i just dont have any other outlet right now. I am going to my theraist tomorrow, hopefully that will help.
     
  2. AKTodd

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    Have you checked for any Meetups in your area? Also, my partner and I recently joined a group call Prime Timers that operates all over the country and in other countries. Basically a gay men's social group for older guys. The chapter where we are does a monthly meeting where different topics are discussed (the Nov and Dec monthly get togethers were a Thanksgiving and Xmas potluck respectively). There's also a scheduled lunch or dinner get together at local restaurants pretty much every night of the week. We haven't done that yet due to our schedules, but might eventually.

    The average age of the membership is on the older side (I may be one of, if not the youngest member at this point), but the guys all seem nice, are interesting to talk to, and we've had a good time so far at the meetings we've attended. I checked and there is a chapter in Connecticut in Hartford, although I have no idea if that is near you or not.

    If nothing else it could give you some folks to talk to and make friends with.

    Beyond that, is there any kind of LGBT community center or the like anywhere in your area? Again, could give you someplace to go where there are others like yourself to meet and make friends with.

    Hope this helps,

    Todd
     
  3. Pete1970

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    Thanks Todd, I appreciate your time to look this up for me

    I have checked out meetups but the only one i can find is a book club and i dont read books that much

    I will check out prime timers,Hartford is about 45 minutes away.


    The problem right now is that still living at home, my wife is very suspicious of where i go. For instance, last week i had a therapy session at 730 and i usually get out of work at 530, so she was convinced i was meeting a guy between the times. So even though i would join these groups just for friendship, she will think it is for more. I am trying not to ruffle too many feathers at this point, both to keep the level of stress in the house to a minimum and to end it as amicably as possible so any custody and financial issues will be as favorable as possible.

    Its just very frustrating at the moment
     
  4. unavailable

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    Certainly in a rough spot right now .... I'm in a similar situation but she doesn't seem overly angry about me being bi ..... I'm not even sure it's the deal breaker ... I messed around with a guy but had an affair with a woman .... That tore us apart .... Plus the alcoholism ... Which basically was the source of so many of our problems... I guess your wife feels rejected and hurt ... All you can do is continue to be honest and have faith that things will slowly get better .... Only time you're ever really defeated is when you give up ..... Hang in there be there for your kids .... Hopefully in time she'll see that regardless of your orientation you can still be a good father ...
     
  5. sandrew255

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    Hi
    I live in the UK and am new on this site, but would like to chat/message and meet new people - feel I'm in a bit of a rut just now - I would be a safe person to talk to if you want.
    I've never been married, but I have broken free of a longterm relationship, and can empathise fully with how painful your home life must be at the moment.
    Feel free to come back to me if you think it would help. we don't even need to talk about the difficult stuff if it doesn't feel right, but just being able to say something/anything to someone who wont judge or demand might be a good outlet for both of us.
    Don't worry, I'm not a stalker or anything lol just a fairly ordinary guy who's looking for other guys to be an online buddy to.
    A.
     
  6. nydtc

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    I will tell you that meeting friends has been the hardest part of my coming out and something I still struggle with today.
    I live in the suburbs of NYC and my partner and I offend feel like the only gay folks in 40 miles. So I understand what your feeling.
    Having said all of that, it sounds like some other issues at play here with you and your wife. Loss of control, trust both of her part. Her world has rocked and get because you still live together its isn't a compete change.
    Hang in there - happy to chat at any point, feel free to email Also.