I'm not quite sure if I constitute a "later in life" person. I am 32 y/o married woman who has recently fallen in love with another woman. My husband quickly found out about the affair, and ever since then, he has really been struggling. Not only about the fact that I was having an affair, but also about the fact that his wife is likely a lesbian....at minimum bisexual. Meeting her was something that came completely out of the blue and basically blindsided me. I had always been "curious" about being with a woman....but I had always brushed it off as normal fantasies. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that I could have feelings for a woman in this way....nor have the physical/emotional connection that we share. My husband has *tried* to be okay with this, but honestly, I don't know if he ever will. He is trying all he can to save the marriage...to the point of letting me continue to see her. I know he does not want a divorce. I am so unsure of what I want at this point. I love my husband and my family (we have two small children), but I just don't have that physical connection with him anymore. I have never been more confused or overwhelmed before in my life. Any words of encouragement of how I can help him deal with this? I think he is still in a state of shock at this point.
Hi SleepyT: Welcome to EC. Hugs Go to EC Welcome page click resources. Then on left side click 'Coming out' You will see a page on parent family stages of grief. This may help you understand what he may be feeing as well as yourself.
During the holidays emotions are even more magnified. Last year before I came out to my husband in January I was feeling grief and guilt at it being the last Christmas as a family. I was trying to make things "perfect" which is so not me. I was also feeing guilt because I was looking forward to the freedom of finally being able to be who I am. Gay. Its not an easy journey. Its a roller coaster ride of emotions sometimes but it does get better. You will find lots of support here. (*hug*)
Hi T - I feel that love does not depend on your sexual orientation. Love to me is a mutual feeling between two people. You can love someone and not be physically attracted to them. Love can only be given and not received. I give love to my partner by doing things for them and being attentive. My partner gives me love by doing the same back. The only way I have of knowing that they love me is by their actions. By your actions you will show your kids you love them and your husband also. He just needs to get over it and continue with life. Wishing you and yours nothing but the best always.
