So, its been 2 months since i came out to my wife. At the time her groundrule was we wouldnt date other people while we are still living together. I was ok with that because i was no where near ready to be totally out there yet. Fast forward to a few weeks ago, apparantly shes been texting 3 or 4 guys and supposedly has a date tonight. I dont really care that she is, if she can find happiness thats good, plus since she has been doing this its put the heat off of me and no longer do i have to stay up till 2 in the morning talking about stuff. The thing is is that at the beginning she kept saying how i was the one that couldnt wait to start my new life when in reality it is her that cant wait. Ive basically abided by her rule for a number of reasons 1)repesct for her 2)wasnt ready yet 3)didnt want to join social groups yet in case i did meet someone and wouldnt be able to pursue it But now that i have had time, i do want to start getting out there at least to join the community and hopefully find someone eventually.I have joined a meetup group although i havent gone to any meetups yet. I just feel weird doing it and breaking her groundrule even though she has.
Oh my! Life really is a Divine Comedy! So what are you waiting for my friend? She has given you tacit permission to get OUT there...so get out there already! Be discreet if you have to, but you really don't have to, do you? Keep us posted!
What's good for the goose is good for the gander. Breaking her own rule negates the rule, as far as I'm concerned.
I don't see it as a contradiction at all. Rather, this is a process. She is moving on and you should take steps too. Go to a meet up! Just going doesn't mean you'll instantly have a date. But going to an event is a step you can take for yourself.
I'm going to take a slightly different take. It's good that she's starting to move on, and it's a positive thing for sure. But rather than just go out and do whatever, I'd suggest perhaps you have a conversation with her and bring it out into the open that it seems like she's comfortable starting to move on, and you'd like to do the same. It's always possible she'll have a double standard, but hopefully the fact that you're directly bringing it to her attention and essentially asking her permission will help to smooth things over and also grease the wheels for later when you're actually separating and working out the terms of the divorce and so forth (assuming you haven't already done that.) Also, if nothing else, if she doesn't consent, if and when things get nasty, you have ammunition that you held up your end of the bargain when she didn't. Love isn't always logical, but I think it's always worth a try to treat someone with respect.
Well she did ask the other day if i met someone yet and i told her i havent even started looking and i wasnt really ready yet. She did tell her best friend (i told her she could) and her friend said she knows some guys she could introduce me too, but i dont think that would be a good idea as that may be too close to the situation and stuff could get reported back. Like i said, right now i really just want to get out there and establish a circle of friends first and go from there.
