1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Confused...mixed signals...how do I tell her??

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by js6559, Dec 28, 2013.

  1. js6559

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 9, 2013
    Messages:
    14
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Cedar Falls, Iowa
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I was on a couple weeks ago and posted about liking a female but not being out and not sure if she felt the same way. Someone posted that I had good reason to go for it but I'm just so confused. I've only ever been with men, but there's something about her.

    I like her a lot, but I've never even thought of being with a woman until her. Being 32 and having these feelings for her are so confusing. We've gotten to know each other over the past several months and I just really enjoy her. She tells me frequently that I make her laugh and that she's blessed to have me in her life. A week ago we hadn't talked in a couple days and both were having crappy weeks and then we finally caught up and she said that her days are just better when we talk right away in the morning. So now we've made a point to text each other right away in the morning to say Good Morning. She also frequently (like almost daily) tells me that I'm the best or that I'm awesome or something along those lines. I also frequently catch her staring at me and smiling. She's also just recently gotten kind of touchy/feely when we are together. And when we are together we always make sure we have several hours to hang out...not just a quick lunch...but several hours of just sitting and talking.

    So, I think that she likes me back but then a couple times I've caught myself questioning it. A couple times she's referred to me as "a friend", which maybe isn't so wrong if she doesn't think I'm a lesbian, but it caught me off-guard. She also sometimes is pretty blunt about not being able to talk, which she's going through some things right now so I get it but I take it like she doesn't want to talk anymore and sometimes feel like I have to initiate things.

    I'm just so confused. Does she like me? How do I tell her or drop hints that I like her too? What do I do next?? HELP! She's such a good friend that I don't want to loose her if I completely am reading things wrong but the things she says to me are not things that I would just say to anyone. I'm just so confused but she make me so happy when we are talking or together.
     
  2. 6star

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 24, 2013
    Messages:
    22
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Orange County, California
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    I went back and read your post. I don't think you mention she is gay here. Now that I know that, I'll just tell you what I would do if I were you. I call myself a straight male because I fell in love with a straight female. If I met any other gender description and fell in love that's probly what I'd call myself. I don't believe in orientation if you are open to what comes. If a boy, girl or what ever was saying the things she says to you, to me I would suspect that person liked me a little more than just friends. AND if you are as close friends as you sound there should not be any problem if you just came out and asked her. If I had a same sex friend I knew was gay and I was getting those signals and I had the feelings you do I would have no problem asking. I may be wrong. But if she thinks you are straight in anyway she might not want to lose your friendship by asking you. Besides isn't that how you are supposed to start relationships as friends first?
     
    #2 6star, Dec 29, 2013
    Last edited: Dec 29, 2013
  3. pinklov3ly

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2012
    Messages:
    1,445
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Musty Mitten
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I used to be overtly friendly to all of my female friends without even realizing it. However, sometimes, I was flirting with them to see if they were interested in women. Most of them were straight as an arrow, all except for one, who happens to be bisexual. She and I dated for months and it ruined our friendship, but we managed to rekindle the friendship.

    I think you should take your time and really think about the consequences. If you do find out that she's interested in you as more than a friend, what would be your next step? What if she's straight as an arrow? Would you be able to remain friends with her? It's very difficult being friends with someone you're attracted to, trust me. However, I know a few ways to give her subtle hints to show her that you like her.

    The good morning texts are a great way, by the way...that's a huge sign that you're on her mind when she first wakes up. Perhaps, you can cook for her, show her that you can throw down in the kitchen or you could just take her out to a romantic dinner. And make sure you make things more intimate, like feeding her possibly. I mean, I think it is totally normal for you to let whoever you're dining with to taste what you've ordered. After dinner, you should even try to sneak in a movie (if you're at home) and preferably a scary movie :wink:

    And if you decide to go out, make sure you open all of the doors for her to show her that chivalry isn't dead. Last but not least, flowers are a nice gesture; make sure you pick out her favorite. If all of this doesn't work, you could always tell how, but be careful.

    While it is true that you should be friends first, there must be boundaries. My male friend didn't understand this, and when told me that he loved me and wanted to be with me, it made things awkward between us.
     
    #3 pinklov3ly, Dec 29, 2013
    Last edited: Dec 29, 2013
  4. js6559

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 9, 2013
    Messages:
    14
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Cedar Falls, Iowa
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Yes, she is a lesbian! There's no question about that and there's no question about my feelings for her, as far as I'm concerned. Not sure I've ever felt this connected to someone. I've been reading a lot of other posts on here and everyone talks about how the connection is just different, more intense with the person of the same sex. I get it, I agree! I mean, sure I've liked men but the connection with her is just different. I don't really like labels so I'm completely open to being with her, if it happens.

    I just don't know if I'm reading into things and making it more than it is. She got out of a pretty serious relationship several months ago and since then we've just kept getting closer and closer. I'm just not a person who throws around words. She's often telling me "you're incredible," "you're the best," "you make me laugh," "you bring joy to my life," "I really enjoy talking to you," "I just enjoy being around you," and I don't just say those things to anyone unless I really mean them. Do people just throw those things around?

    Then last night we were talking and I asked her if she was doing anything for New Years and she said no and I told her I wasn't either...then there was an awkward silence and nothing more was said. Do I ask her to do something? I've not dated a whole lot of people in my life, so I'm horrible at this sort of thing and then throw in someone of the same sex and I really become horrible! I want something that will put it out there that I'm interested but not something that's going to make it awkward if she's not interested.

    I just feel like I've never really cared that much about getting it right with a man.