Soon-to-be-Ex wanted to meet...

Why do people like this always manage to find people to marry them?

Good luck.

Lex

 

Divorce is no fun. My own was a time of so much anxiety and so many 'games' I never wanted to play. I was as a child severely impacted by the lifelong repercussions of the nastiness of my parents divorce and my mothers inability to come to terms with it. That child would like to make a plea for your understanding of your son's experience in all of this. My own small and wounded 4year old feels the weight and horror of being emotionally torn between 2 people that were my whole world and who had such conflicting and in some cases horrible things to say about the other. I do not mean to say that you should 'play nice' because your wife can blackmail you by hurting your son. . .. although, believe me, she can . .. .no matter what you can say to him or how much he knows you love him .. . .she can manipulate his experience. What I AM saying is, please, please DO look inwards and be in the best possible contact with all that this brings up in you and dare to be brutally honest about it all with yourself. Face it and own it for yourself and your son and act from that place of calm connection and understanding within. I write this because from what little I have read of what you've written here, my sense has been that this is something you are capable of. All my best to you in this difficult situation.

 

Greatwhale, it does sound like she might strongly suspect. Sorry it seems like it may get nasty. Just for my own information, does you being gay make a difference in the settlement? I dont know how Canadian laws work, but at least in my state i dont think that would make a difference, at least by what i was told. I guess that i should be lucky that my situation hasnt gotten nasty (at least not yet).

Anyway, i hope everything goes as well as it can for you.

 

Well i think being the bigger person and showing maturity and patience will work to your advantage.

I wish i can give you better advice as you have been a great source of advice and support for me, i just havent gone through this part yet

 

I see zero reason to meet her when she is taking that nasty, threatening tone with you. You have nothing to be ashamed of. But you also have nothing to gain from playing games with her. Keep it as business like and civil as possible. Like you said, your kids will see the contrast and draw their own conclusions.

---------- Post added 1st Jan 2014 at 07:15 PM ----------

That whole part she wrote about picking a location where no one would see you together sounded to me like an attempt to shame you. I just want to reaffirm that you have zero to be ashamed of.

 

Greatwhale: If you decide to do this meeting with her, and it is not illegal in your state to do so without informing her, buy one of the inexpensive tiny voice recorders that record to SD cards and have it in your shirt pocket during the meeting. If nothing else, it will be useful to you to remember what you said and how you said it, as well as recording information which might be useful to your lawyer in court, if it comes to that. You might not be able to use that in court directly as evidence, but it could point the way to questions which your attorney might want to ask, particularly if she intends to use your orientation as a form of "blackmail" against you to achieve a settlement more favorable to her. Your attorney should be able to tell you whether it is legal or not in your jurisdiction.

 

gw-(*hug*) Proud of you for how your dealing with your STBX. Thank you for all your support & wisdom in getting me thru my own divorce. Just continue being you. (*hug*)
I want one of those pens!

 

Don't you have your own lawyer? It's almost always better to let your own lawyer handle this type of stuff.

 

GW, you sound like the bigger person in this back and forth volley, and I am rooting for you to grab the bull by the horns, metaphorically speaking, and wish you a lot of calm and peace when this all subsides. The bigger person always irritates the smaller person when they don't get the nasty and heated exchange they are seeking, it seems.

 

It will be nice when it is all over and the games can stop. At this point the best thing is to wait for the judge, I just hope your family court system is not as "impartial" as ours!

And since she is playing poker with you, have you been tracking your own tells? Or is that sort of entrapment way out of her league?

 

Holy cannoli Batman, your STBX is the Queen B - itch!!! I've always wondered why it is that the nicest guys seem to end up with the psycho-b*itches... and the nice gals end up with the abusive SOB's.

Does she not realize that trying to utilize sexuality (without infidelity) against you in a court of law would result in a case for discrimination should the judge show any impartiality? My naive faith in the justice system (I had an uncle who was a Canadian Judge - wig and all) gives me the optimistic thought that if she were to try, a really good judge would lean in your favor even if only as a precaution!

Oh well, you've handled it in the best possible manner and it seems to be the unanimous opinion of this thread that we all have faith in you to continue unfailingly - as frustrating as that will undoubtedly be for you in the process. Has a court date been set yet? Is there any indication of an end to the insanity?

 

Reading about your wife makes me think of a comment made by a very sweet old lady at church, who pretty much shines with the love of Jesus, plays Mrs. Santa Claus at the winter town activities, "receives" songs from the Lord (some of which have melodies that I think he gave to someone else first and then re-gifted, however!). She commented about an awful person that we knew, "It would be wrong of me to wish he were dead. But I pray that one day God rewards him for the deeds of his life....and as soon as possible!!!!"

If your wife is not capable of seeing the damage she is doing to your family and the awful behavior she is showing, I hope she reaps the full reward of it one day!

 

Greatwhale: I am so sorry that your STBX wife is adopting this MAD (Mutually Assured Destruction) way of ending your marriage. It would be so much better for both of you if she would just recognize that for reasons beyond either of you to control, your relationship should be ended without wasting all of your mutual assets paying attorneys to fight a proxy battle between you. No sins have been committed, just mistakes caused by the complexity of human sexuality; no punishment is due anybody, only resolution.