Hi guys, I know I start a lot of threads, and for that I apologise.. Although not sorry enough to stop making them yet I told my mom I was gay about three years she pursuaded me to go back to my wife and work through it and if I ever had 'gay thoughts' I could talk to her about it. It was one drunken night I told her and she never mentioned it once past the incident. She promised to keep the information to help self.. So Christmas I came out to my wife and text my mom to say I had.. She responded by telling her husband, my stepdad. When she came round she told me she had and also told me he was incredibly homophobic, and his response will likely be one of silence on the subject. It seems my mom has always put other guys before my own needs, she was upset and got comforting by her husband. I can understand that I suppose, but she had information very personal to me and she told someone who a) I didn't want to know yet and B) is incredibly homophobic, to make her feel better..
She probably thought that once you came out to your wife, you were ok with the rest of the family to know.
I'm with Nick on this. For those of us actually DOING the coming out, it's a very sensitive, very personal thing that we control and have to psych ourselves into doing, sometimes person by person by person. For the people we come out TO, it's almost the reverse--it's like we are going public to them, and unless we specifically set limits, they are likely to assume that everyone knows or can know. I'm holding back on telling a number of people in deference to my wife and daughters, and the few people I've told, even those I am close to, I've also made it clear that it's not public knowledge yet. Otherwise they won't know who they can share with, just like your mother. Oh, and start all the threads you like! There are people who come here and don't even sign up, who might see something in them that they can identify with. The great thing about a community like this is that you discover you're not alone in the world. There are a lot more of us that anyone knows, and facing life and bigotry and sadness and happiness and acceptance are better and more helpful when they are shared.
Hi, First... There is no "I am a little bit out". It is like expecting privacy after something is placed on Facebook. You tell one person simply assume it WILL spread. You have always known where you stood with your mother, is this really new behaviour for her? Relax. You are gay and you are out. At your age you have a great future ahead and chance if finding a life partner. Relax, take the long view, does it matter? You are gay, so what, if people who once "loved" you before and now have altered feelings, did they love you unconditionally? Way better off living and knowing the truth. Tom
I agree. Post all you like. I've got the issue I'm facing to ... am I just selfish? I just know that inside, I know i have to transition to be accepted as the female within, and acknowledged for Emma and AS Emma, out else I'll not ever be able to be happy. Truly happy. She has to be seen. I don't expect others to really understand unless they are Trans, but I've gotten a lot of support here none the less. ---------- Post added 8th Jan 2014 at 06:10 AM ---------- And well said skiff! You are who you are! ;-)
Hi, Just so you get both sides of the picture... I told my siblings I was gay and they were surprised but dealt with it. However I told others too and when those others ending up talking to my siblings about it I got "why are you telling people!". That was shame talking. Who I was embarrassed them. I am far better off knowing. My sister still prods me to go back to my wife. Works all ways. Tom
This is unfortunate on 2 fronts - your mom didn't keep this in confidence when you expected her to, and your step dad hasn't reacted in a positive way. However, as has been stated, neither is a really big deal in the long run. You were eventually going to be out to your step dad I'm sure. And if he can't deal with you being gay, that's his problem - not yours. Better to know than to wonder. I'm not surprised that your mom told her husband. Yes, you're her son. But he is her life partner - and it maybe isn't even fair to expect her to keep things from him. Especially if you didn't explicitly ask her to do so. Good luck - and just carry on. You're heading in the right direction.
