Hey all, so I'm completely new here and I'm currently having a bit of a dilemma. So basically I'm been with my girlfriend for nearly 6 years, we always planned to have kids through a donor and that she would be the one to get pregnant, but the time has never been right (money and housing have been big issues) but now we're nearly ready. The problem is i don't know if shes now changed her mind. When i found out i would be getting a job I was so excited to think we could finally start a family together, I did some research and tried to discuss with her whether we should get a civil partnership first or if i should adopt the child later on and she seemed so...disinterested. I tried again and things got awkward, i regretted bring it up but i should be able to talk about our future without worry. Yesterday we went to see our straight friend who is pregnant and my girlfriend seemed so put off by pregnancy and birth she said she didn't want to go through that, she wont talk to me about that sort of thing when we're alone but in front of friends she announces that she doesn't want to get pregnant. Feels like a pretty crappy way to find out that sort of life changing information. Anyways, now i don't know what to do, i know i need to talk to her about it but i don't know how to bring it up or how to feel about the idea of adoption. Or what to do if she says she no longer wants kids at all. Sorry to rant but I have no one to talk to about this kind of stuff, all my friends are straight and they have no idea how easy they have things when it comes to marriage and babies
Hi, Could mean many things; Wants stability longer (you in job) Cold feet about pregnancy Change of heart over pregnancy Change in heart about children Relationship concerns Or 1000 other big or small things. She obviously has trouble discussing or confronting the base issue with you. You seem to be following her lead and do not push the issue. If there is this large a communication issue it may be a red flag to adding a child. Being a parent - communication and unified is key. This is simply a life issue, unrelated to gay. All couples face them. God forbid one spouse wants a dog and the other doesn't. ;-) Straight couples go through things like this too. Tom
It just seems pretty out of the blue, we've always discussed having a family, how we would bring up kids etc. I guess it could be cold feet now its a reality and not just some future possibility. Communications great between us on everything else. Our relationship is great too, its not like we argue a lot. I just worry about how to approach the subject, she works a lot doing really long hours so when she is home i don't want start an argument.
Hi, I was married to a woman for 21 years without a fight or raised voice and I am gay. That is the one thing I never shared. A deal breaker. Communicate.
Thanks man. That's pretty scary though, 21 years without fighting, I guess you just assume everything's fine but you never know what the other persons thinking
