I had been married to my wife for 20 years. I had been a dedicated husband, but according to my wife emotionally distant until I fell in love with my 28 year old closeted gay male neighbor about 18 months ago. He made me come alive in ways I could never have imagined before. I am in love with his soul and also extremely sexually attracted to him. I , and my therapist agrees that he is also in love with me but cannot acknowledge it because he is still in the closet and his religious beliefs prohibits homosexuality. We were therefore never physically involved but seeks out each other's company whenever possible. My wife became jealous as it was very clear how we could not get enough of each other's company. I declared my love for him on various accessions and also confessed to my wife. She limited our contact. I recently moved out of the house and declared to my wife that I might be gay or homosexual. I am confused if I am really gay or bisexual. My friend now avoids me, understandably, as he does not want to be blamed for me and my wife's pending separation. I know he is missing me, as I am missing him. Please advise
Hi, If he is closeted he is avoiding you to protect his closet. That is the "holy of holies" to a closeted person - protect the closet. Don't fool yourself. Been there, done that. I answered more fully on your other post. Tom
I knew remembering this could help Someone on the future! “ Falling in love is like getting hit by a truck and yet not being mortally wounded. just sick to your stomach,high one minute,low the next. Starving hungry but unable to eat. hot,cold,forever horny,full of hope and enthusiasm, with momentary depressions that wipe you out. It is also not being able to remove the smile from your face,loving life with a mad passionate intensity,and feeling ten years younger. Love does not appear with any warning signs. You fall into it as if pushed from a high diving board. No time to think about what's happening. It's inevitable. An event you can't control. A crazy,heart-stopping,roller-coaster ride that just has to take its course. Jackie Collins Keep your head up! Love is a powerful thing that always finds a way.. sometimes in the strangest ways..
Thanks Husky Your description is precisely what I am experiencing. Thanks for the encouragement. Love is indeed the most powerful thing one can ever experience and will hopefully find a way.
Hi My friend came out to his parents two days ago. The are now aware that I love him, but certainly not of the depths of it. They requested to see me and, I am glad to say, the discussion exceeded all my expectations. I feel liberated, and now have hope that things between him and me, might work out, either as friends or more. I would be more than happy if he gets through is coming out with integrity. His parents realize now that he was not the cause of me and my wife's separation, but that has to do with a new world that I discovered within myself, and there is no possibility of going back. We share the Same goal of supporting him with his difficult journey that lies ahead. There is hope, for all of us that are still struggling.
Your motives and love seem genuine to me. You are putting his well being before your own. Very admirable. Tom
Maybe the best you can do is to tell him about your worries, encourage him to go into counseling and talk it out with a professional. He's much less likely to be damaged by your relationship if you're completely honest with him. Might you be worried that you might in some way be "using" him to explore your sexuality? Doesn't sound like it; seems like you're genuinely and deeply attracted to him. But be honest with him. You don't know where is is going either.
Thank you for your advise, it touched me. I am honest with him in all aspects but now no longer tell him how I am sexually attracted to him, he feels to threatened by that. Nonetheless, we know each other so we'll after two years of daily visits that he must still be aware of it. I tell him regularly that I love him "in a brotherly way" but he knows what I really mean. He has difficulty with verbalizing his emotions ( he learned to hide that from childhood because he was constantly mocked by peers). His actions and regular requests for advice, and his obvious yearning to see me is clear in his body language. He did tell me rtwo days ago that he is missing me. We have absolutely no secrets left as we have covered all of our most intimate issues. I was assisted, in therapy" to identify and take back the projections that I initially made on him. I have asked him to see a therapist but he thinks it isn't necessary, which clearly isn't the case. I am trying to assist him to build trust in others and to tolerate complex and negative emotions, as well as communicating emotions, a skill he has to learn. I am mature enough to remain only friends with him if that is what he is comfortable with. Thanks for listening
"Thanks for listening." Any time. I'm new here myself (a 3-day-old newbie) and grappling with the same issues as so many others. I've just waited way longer than most to face the truth and deal with it.
It took the pressure off me when my (now) girlfriend fully accepted that she would not return to her previous LTR if things didn't work our between us. No one wants to think they broke up a marriage or long term relationship. (Our background is that she told her partner she had feelings for me, left that relationship, and started dating me).
Hope That does make sense. The other must understand that they are not responsible for the breakup and they are not just an experiment.
