Okay. So, I was a stay-at-home-dad for 10 years. Now I'm going through a divorce and completely starting over. Moving to a new town, starting a new job, etc. No one knows me. I'm trying to figure out how "out" to be on the new job. Obviously, they will find out quickly that I'm separated and moving towards a divorce. BUT, how do you gauge when to tell people that you're gay? How do you figure out if they're a "safe" person to tell? Do I even need to tell people that I'm gay? So many things to think about. Ideas? Suggestions? Thoughts?
Bear, as a fellow "daddy" of sorts, going through the pains of an impending divorce, let me assure you first that you're not alone. I'm wondering about child support, etc. but also how to keep up on that and LIVE, let alone transition to a feminine body. I came out to my wife of near 8 years as a Trans woman and a lesbian. We have 4 children ages 7 and younger. She's straight as an arrow; not a gay bone in her body. I already have a lower libido than she does, so function down three is no biggie for me. So I suggested maybe living together or staying in a loose marriage. She's saying divorce or separation. I dunno. As far as coming out on-the-job, don't unless you feel it's necessary. Personally I choose the wrong confidant and she (a fellow lesbian of all people!)spilled the brand and I got outed. To some, but they were asking about it behind my back. So I'm now out if asked. I'm not ashamed of who I am. Emma has been repressed for too long!
Hi, I would not worry about it. Even as a "bear" you have some personal prefrences do you worry about sharing those? Do other straight people walk about work stating; "I prefer it doggie", "I prefer leather", "I prefer rubber". "I prefer a little bondage", etc, etc. etc. nope, and if they did it would odd. Work is work. If you find a partner and want to bring them to a company function, or have their picture on your desk that is your choice. Tom
I would agree...your professional life is just that...your professinal life...I wouldn't lie if asked, but I might let them know they crossed some bounds...nicely.
Hi, If somebody asks... "Yes I am, but I am curios, why is that of interest to you?". Not a politically incorrect response which lays their ignorance back on their threshold.
Well said.(*hug*) ---------- Post added 17th Jan 2014 at 08:01 AM ---------- Precisely my thoughts skiff. Just the way I'm handling my thing at work. (!)
I agree it IS odd when straight people say those things.Very embarrassing ¬ necessary. If they want to know the'll ask.
I guess its about being authentic. Indeed straight people don't tell their work colleagues what their sexual proclivities are... but I guess that wasn't the question? My own current approach (or rather the ideal I strive for and often fail!) is: - if I am asked I will tell and tell it with matter of fact calmness - if a colleague becomes a friend then I will tell them (cos it an important part of who I am that I am not ashamed of) - if homophobic comments or banter occur and it feel safe to do so (in otherwise not done out of malice) I will challenge them and make it personal (ie "as a gay person i would disagree with....etc") - straight people are allowed to make appreciative comments about attractiveness of people of opposite sex (as long as its don't respectfully) and I don't see why i can't do the same for people of the same sex. This last one trickier and subtler I admit!! I think if I could strive to do all of the above, I would not be shove my orientation in people's face but I would be being my true self without shame or defensiveness and i would be allowing myself to express myself in the same way straight people can...
