Coming out at 32.

I'm 32 and only came out as Bi to family and friends last year myself. My mother is also religious, though I myself am not. In terms of age, don't even think about that part, we all have our own timeline. Is your partner out? Have you talked to her about it? My parents were okay about it but don't really understand it too much. I wasn't with anybody when I came out so a slightly different situation.

Bisexual is certainly something that some people even within the LGBT community are weary about. I've only had long term relationships with men but I know that I am both physically and romantically interested in women as well. Some people think Bi is just an in-limbo stage but I do not believe this at all, some of us are just interested of people of both genders.

What is important here is, what label is right for you? Don't let other people pigeon-hole your feelings!

 

Hi,

In many ways that is around the age I went deeper into the closet.

I had a man I loved, we lived together as a couple our adults lives,for all intents we were married. He was simply much deeper in the closet than I was. It all ended when we were 28 and his mother asked him why he wasn't dating woman and he ran like a rabbit, marrying the first woman he could find.

I was desperate at the time to win him back and even tried to inspire jealousy in him by taking a flamboyantly gay man to my brother's wedding. As a hindsight note nobody in my family ever asked about my sexuality. When I failed to get him back I dated a couple more guys, each closeted, each unable to commit due to the conflicts of the closet. That lead me to to the naive conclusion gay men could not commit and if I wanted a committed relationship I had to do that with a woman.

That brings me to my question...

What the heck difference does it make if you are bisexual but are committed to your girlfriend?

Every straight guy that marries "forsakes all others" to enter into monogamy with their spouse. I suspect gays have similar motives as nobody marries simply for workplace benefits and tax incentives.

So is your issue "bisexual" or you are not satisfied with your current relationship and you lean more to men, or are simply gay and in denial about it? This is the question that makes gays and straights alike leery of bisexuals. Monogamy with homo/hetero couples is difficult enough without doubling temptation with bisexuality.

Are you looking for a life partner to commit to in monogamy and what does being bisexual have to do with commitment issues? If you are bisexual you simply double your odds of finding a monogamous life partner.

Many, many bisexual men arrive here "bisexual" only to find self acceptance and that they are indeed gay.

I am not saying you are gay, simply saying anybody entering into monogamy forsakes all others, so is your issue monogamous commitment or sexuality? I believe that is were "leery" enters.

Tom

 

Skiff,

I was very sad to read such negative and assuming comments in your post about bisexuals. Just because a person likes some people of both genders does not at all mean that they like ALL people of both genders ("doubling the odds"). Straight people and gay people don't lose their sexuality when they enter relationships, why do bisexuals? Just because you are monogamous with one person, it doesn't void your entire past as a sexual being.

The way I see it, it is sort of like a first generation child of a foreign family in that, one has these roots/feelings that s/he grew up and identifies with but s/he also has roots/feelings with the culture of the new country as well. In my opinion, it is not fair for either side to tell this person that they can only associate with one group, regardless of where they end up living. Perhaps this is because I'm also from a country that actually recognizes dual citizenship.

 

Hi,

I did not think I dumped on bisexuals, I just explained why people may be leery. Society behaves as it does for a reason.

Whether straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender when you enter a monogamous relationship you can look but not touch. You may comment about attractive people to your partner but you do not act on it.

Monogamy is monogamy regardless of sexuality. If people seek sex outside their monogamous relationship it is about the relationship not the sex.

It is the same for all.

That is all I was saying.

I was talking life partner and monogamy not simply sex partner.

 

Only mentioning negatives (especially in the form of accusations) about an orientation is certainly extremely unsupportive, and I absolutely felt that it was dumping.

I perfectly understand what monogamy is, my argument is that to identify as Bi, it doesn't mean that you have to be seeking sex outside of your relationship, it is that one doesn't have to reject previous relationships as a phase or confusion just because s/he ends up with on gender at the end of the day.

 

I was roughly the same age when I finally told my parents that I'm lesbian. My mom is quite liberal and just said "I always sort of thought that." My dad (RIP) was a ultra conservative man but told me that he was glad I wasn't 'porking' any of my male friends and said all my lady friends were a lot cooler than any male I ever brought home. I eased into conversation with them just saying that there's something you should know.