depressed and lonely

Emma
Your words have consoled me during the past weekend. I am so sorry to heat about your predicament. Please read a poem by Derek Wallcot "Love after love". I found it on Google. I think we are beating ourselves up too much and learn to love and accept us for who we are. If confusion is part of the package, rather lean into that and bear with it. It will come and go, and maybe decrease over time. We have survived so far, which means we are strong.

Let me know what you think about the poem.

Love

 

" Should I have not come out?"

If you hadn't come out, what would have happened? I could sit here and write down the results I've seen from other people who didn't, but I don't need to. You already know what would have happened if you didn't come out.

Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that both my parents remarried people, and both the people they married had been married before, perhaps it's because I get on really well with children, but I personally don't see 'married with kids' to be as big a downside as you do! It will put some people off sure, but then just about anything you can think of will put of someone.

The child support payments and the children being a state away however, is awful. Having said that, is there no consideration to be made for the fact that SHE is the one deciding to move SO FAR AWAY that you couldn't POSSIBLY be of any help in raising your children, and she is doing this of her own accord? I have never understood why the parent who doesn't get to keep the children has to be financially crippled because the parent who DOES takes it upon themselves to make life difficult.

 

"Emma, what's wrong with you, girl? You're not like this. You're happy, bubbly, and others at work have said just that about you.""

As if you've just made me cry!

 

I just went through all that. It's a whole other world with its own language.

Attorneys aren't your friend.

This is how it works:
Parent who has kid(s) gets money from other parent. Wife can take kids far away then file for divorce. It makes shared custody difficult. She gets more money this way.

Each state if different. They use standard tables designed for low-income people. They take a percentage of your income, for example, 20%.

If you have high income, she gets a lot of money. There are no caps, except I think in Nevada?

If you have a job, the state will send an order to your employer to send them the money.

You will pay the income tax on this money. She gets it from you tax-free.

The state agencies are very aggressive about collecting. They don't care about your personal expenses. You have to adjust. One guy couldn't. He walked to the courthouse and shot himself.

 

You want screwed up...?

I was a stay at home dad for 14 years. I am eligible for alimony support but I am not pursuing it as it would only hurt my kids.

I am about 40 days from being homeless, unemployed in a job market and gay community that only honors youth.

I know EXACTLY what you are talking about.

I made a mistake but honoured my duty to my children, I still am and... Nice guys finish last followed only by honourable gay men.

 

" Said she could at least understand that a bit "

And yet somehow she makes it sound like it's YOUR fault! How is HER not being able to understand something YOUR fault?

 

Emma, it's sad that people can't still understand the transgender existence. I find it to be the problem that people can't wrap their head about something that isn't clear cut. It's like "gay or straight we know what team you play for".

But transgender isn't the same as sexuality (related however). And that's the hard thing for most since society at least in the western world is so gender defined.

We all are here for you.

 

Shot himself outside on the steps to make a point. I think he went a bit too far. I've heard other stories of suicide.

With four kids you pay a bit more than if you only had one. It's not 20% per child. Keep in mind you still have to pay income tax on this money. You still have to pay into Social Security. Depending on the state you live in, you may have to pay state income tax.

You may also have to pay alimony.

If you get behind in paying child support they can take your drivers license, deny passport renewal and then put you in jail. If you're lucky the guard will leave you a bed sheet.

You may have to move into transitional housing with homeless people if your parents won't take you back.

Other than that it isn't bad at all.

 

I'll give my wife credit...we're going to see a mediator...currently only wants half of the expences for camps, afterschool care, and what is currently owed on my eldest's school loan...she also makes 3x's what I make...I suppose I could go for alimony like Skiff, but there's something ungentlemanly about it...the resentment would be huge...lawyers aren't your friends in that Vamonos is correct...but you need them to protect yourself...so arm yourself as best you can...most LGBT organizations offer some basic advice and can recommand a gay family lawyer...will be praying for you...if that's ok...I wouldn't want to offend you(*hug*)

 

Tim,

I said I would never go after alimony as it would only hurt my children financially.

You are correct it would be very ungentlemanly.

 

You have to adjust expenses. I got a much cheaper home that I like more. I now have a one-hour commute to work instead of 5 minutes. I save so much on housing that my money to burn has actually gone up.

My employer gives me a free transit pass for the commuter train so I don't have to buy gas or pay for parking.

I live near a nice restaurant and eat regular meals instead of fast food. I lost 4 inches off my waist.

So, in a way this turned out good.