Hey guys, I don't know what to do. I love my husband a lot and my family, but these thoughts get really strong sometimes and I feel like I need to explore them to find answers. I really feel like I have a very fluid sexuality and that kind of sucks. I've been with women before, but I was pretty young and back then I was more interested in guys. I watched a movie last night about a lesbian love story. I loved it, I loved the feelings it evoked in me, I saw myself in one of the girls in the story. I was in a fantasy land all day. Then I got busy with the baby and started fantasizing about being intimate with my husband. Then a love song came on the radio and I started thinking about my high school crush (a guy)...and then I started watching tv and got all hot and bothered thinking about being with one of the sexy men on there...and then all these feelings that I had/have for men just flooded back. The feelings for women don't mean as much at the moment. My husband also came home and I got all chatty with him and wanted nothing more than to be close to him... But these thoughts...they're exciting, obsessive, makes me feel warm and fuzzy, I feel like making out with every girl I get close to, I wonder about having sex with a woman again (I didn't like it before). I'm insanely interested in anything lbgt. I sometimes think I'm trans, but when I stop thinking about it, I become "girly" again. I literally cannot work because I can't concentrate on my job. I know these thoughts will not go away, I just don't want to leave my marriage to figure them out and realize I was wrong.
I really don't think you should leave your husband to explore these feelings until you're more certain about what it is that you want from being in a relationship with a woman. For me, the emotional aspect of being with a woman is more satisfying, but I love the sex as well. And I, personally could not be with a bisexual/lesbian who does not like having sex with women. So, if you decide to explore your feelings, make sure your intentions are known up front. I mean, I think it is very possible to have a romantic relationship with a woman and feel satisfied, especially if that's all you're looking for. Also, I think you can explore your gender issues while still being married. Just make sure your husband isn't left in the dark.
Honestly, I think that if you leave your husband because of those feelings it will be a mistake. It may change in couple of years. But right now it doesn't seem like a good enough reason for breaking the family.
Much of life is compromise. When you order the burger, you're not eating the fried chicken. When you move to Toronto, you're not living in Vancouver. When you take a job at Company X, you're not working at Company Y. If your life with your husband is enjoyable and fulfilling on most fronts, and you think opening the relationship or cheating on him isn't worth jeopardizing the relationship, then don't. If at any time the urge becomes very strong and very insistent, you can once again contemplate talking to him about it. Lex
I am going through this dilemma too. My husband is now pushing me away and I am thinking more and more about if I should be with a woman. I didn't let myself think that deeply about it when there was still hope we could work things out. He blows hot and cold so I don't know where I am from day to day which doesn't help. I am seeing a councillor to help me. My husband wants to go to relate which I am also considering. Maybe seeing a therapist together would help you both. Good luck, when I read your posts I relate to so much you write. Only I have never been with a woman so it's a bit of a need to see what it's like for me. Hope you sort things out. X
Hey everyone, @ Pink, I understand the emotional aspect of being with a woman more satisfying as I think I am the same. Just the sex thing, maybe it was that time, I was just very different - Eminem was extremely hot and I dressed like Britney Spears LOL. Now I feel like a totally different person - I just wanna make out with someone, I'm not really turned on by these thoughts but the desire is there. @Nick, oh how I hope you are correct and I won't have to break up my family. I'm going to try to meditate and see what I find. I just find it so weird how feelings can change and disappear so quickly. @Lex, these urges and thoughts are very strong. I don't think I have ever felt anything like them before. I understand the compromise info, but with me I just constantly feel dull - even with my husband (most times). I just feel like being with a woman would be so much more exciting and emotionally satisfying. It's kind of become like I used to love burgers but chicken fingers seem more enticing, now when I eat burgers I just keep thinking about those damn chicken fingers. @Penpal, I really feel for you. My husband does know my situation but he doesn't know how bad things really are, especially since when I see him and my feelings come back for him and I act on them. I have an appointment to see a lbgt therapist in the next 3 months. Hope I figure things out. I really hope things work out for you too (hugs)
I think it will really help you to see a therapist. I look forward to seeing mine, I can be myself. My biggest fear at the moment is me and my husband separate and regret it in a few months. We would have to sell the house to separate and have 2 children so it affects more than us. Mind you the way my husband is acting at the moment I don't think I will have much choice. I hope you manage to work things out. It's so difficult once you accept who you are you want to act on it. Take care and keep smiling xxx
Thanks, I'm not sure at this point what my new therapist will even do for me. I feel like I've been talking about this for years (and I have). I originally started to see my old therapist because I was concerned about my intense attraction to my male coworkers. The only way I will find answers is if I go out and experiment. I understand the whole selling the house and having 2 kids bit. We are in the same boat. I'm sorry your husband is acting as he is, hopefully he will become more understanding later on.
