Now what? Been divorced a week now. I admit after an early morning of joy Divorce day I felt a bit sad. I am trying to remember the friend (EXH) I thought I once had instead of the ugliness of past 10 months. The supportive guy for 1st 4 months after I came out to him has kept his word that he wanted nothing more to do with me or anything gay. Fortunately even with that & homophobic grandparents (paternal) my son says he does not care that I'm gay and participated in the Gay/Strait Alliance Week at his school. And seeing the whole picture now...EX telling me I had to tell our son I was gay during Spring break was not because he needed to share his pain as he said at the time. it was just because he wanted to date his now live-in gf. So whenever he was out w/his gf he did not want to look like a cheater so he told people why we were getting a divorce... He was supportive when he thought he would get house & alimony. If I had not come out he would of continued to use me and probably hooked up w/this woman anyway. And in a conservative community a gay spouse who NEVER cheated (still no 1st date) is worse than a spouse who starts dating before a divorce lawyer is consulted...He declared emotional war on me (and admitted it) He used my insecurities against me. For the 1st time I became both emotionally & physically afraid of him. (Yes talked about this in therapy) Thats my rant. I'm tired of being angry & hurt. Thought sharing w/my friends here would help me. I know I'm free. I know I need to let go of the past and embrace my new life and be happy.
Rose, You may be gay but he is scum. Hmmm... As you know you are still reeling from this while he simply moved on to the next woman. I feel sorry for this next woman or should I say "Kleenex" as she is disposable too. The only thing this guy loves is himself. This isn't about you being gay anymore so give that up. God knows what this guy was doing during your marriage. Take a deep breath. It isn't about you, the king has no clothes. Tom ---------- Post added 23rd Jan 2014 at 08:21 AM ---------- Rose, You understand that research shows the more homophobic the response the more likely the homophobe has suppressed homosexual desires. Just something to think about. For your husband to urgently need to replace you so fast he is terrified about something. Tom
Thanks Skiff. I've thought that for a long time...re-ex being gay. Even while dating. We both put on a show for way too long. Glad I'm done with that. I may be alone but at least I am being honest w/myself and have my family's support.... (*hug*)
Rose, I'm so sorry that you are feeling sad now when your divorce is completed when you maybe expected to feel feel relief and joy about your new life. Honestly, your EXH seems to be a jerk now showing what he really is going for, none of the things you wrote about above are ok to do. :tantrum: I can understand why you are angry and hurt and that you are tired of being that. It is a process of adjustment, I think. It will get better and you will slowly but surely be able to embrace your new life in freedom and be happy. Your son is ok with you and you do have your family's support, that's great. And you are not alone, we are and will always be here for you. Big hugs! (&&&)(&&&)(&&&)
mermaid- Thank you I needed to hear that today re- not being alone. Thought I posted a response earlier. (*hug*) Thanks Paul 13. (*hug*) Except for the gay part & being a Mom not sure who I am. Yes I Need to learn to love me. In my life I've spent a lot of time alone but I never liked my own company. Have to work on that.... ---------- Post added 23rd Jan 2014 at 06:03 PM ---------- Thanks Pal! (*hug*) ---------- Post added 23rd Jan 2014 at 06:05 PM ---------- p.s. Pal How is VT?
Rose, this huge change will take awhile to sink in and that will probably happen in stages. Be gentle with yourself as you learn to enjoy your own company. I'm really happy for you. I divorced my exH in 2011 and didnt start coming out until 2013. I was pretty sure I was done with men but it took me that time to heal and get to know myself before I was ready to date. I didn't start coming out until I was ready to date women(again, to resume that after 10 years). So you're ahead of the curve! I watch a lot of lesbian themed tv on Netflix. It's super indulgent and so fun for me. The L Word, Orange is the New Black, The Fosters. I've also read a lot of LGBT books. Right now I'm reading Ellen's mom's book and "Does this baby make me look straight?" I know your son is older but my daughter is only 3. So I'm dealing with accepting myself as a gay parent. Keep talking to us!
Rose-- It has been a rough road... A friend of mine recently told me it takes 2 months. I can only empathize and say I understand that although this is what you ' wanted' it is still a loss. A HUGE loss. Also the feelings of loneliness are common to me as well... So maybe it will help to know you are not alone. Embarrassed to have been away so long. Best. M
HopeFloats & Lovetoski (&&&)(&&&) Thank you. I needed to just laugh Sunday so I was youtubeing comedians. Found Judy Gold- hysterically funny lesbian Mom. HopeFloats - Have also watched OITNB & The Fosters too (I record new episodes now) The Fosters is what's possible. Still working on having faith in the future that I've wanted for so long.
Rosie-girl. Haven't gotten to where you are yet, but feeling it in bits and spurts, nonetheless. Last week, once I'd confirmed the wire transfer for the sale of our 'family home', my first reaction was a sigh of relief, which quickly morphed into a sob of despair, followed on its heels by tears. Know that you are not alone, you are not unusual, there is nothing wrong with you in how you are feeling at this moment. If you don't believe me, how about a link to prove my point? 7 Steps To Overcome Your Divorce | This Emotional Life The only thing that distinguishes you at this point is how you handle this, where you go from here. No matter what you do, don't wallow, I know - believe me, I know! - how hard it is to force yourself beyond those feelings of grief and open yourself to the future, but that is the only way to go. So, here's to the concept of your divorce day gift to yourself. Put on those awesome boots and take yourself out walking. There's a new door opening for you, but you won't find it from your couch. Get out there and revel in all those new beginnings awaiting you! Big hugs (*hug*) and much love my friend!
Thanks DB- (*hug*) After the intensity of last summer/Fall I thought the worse of the roller coaster was over. Did not expect this big emotional drop into the pit of woe. I totally have "couch butt". My cat is now sleeping in the middle of the permanent indent on cushion...:roflmao::tears: Yes time to use the gym membership & go walking in my new boots (now waterproofed). (*hug*) ---------- Post added 28th Jan 2014 at 04:20 AM ---------- ....Bookmarked the article to read again.
So I have a great day yesterday. I decide to have a more positive attitude and be hopeful and, of course, today I get a cosmic kick-in-the-ass reminder that I'm still making the wrong choices. They may be honest but wrong. WTF. In coming out you really do find out who your friends are. Or not. I don't regret coming out but it kind of sucks I have to drive hours to get a hug.
Feeling better. I should have edited last post to say drive to get a hug from a grown up and in person conversation.
